


Confessions of a CCG Shinigami

by TrashKanForLife



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Canon Divergence, Cuteness overload, Fluff and Angst, Innocent!Sasaki, M/M, Oblivious!Arima, Orgasm Delay/Denial, contradicting feelings, cuddling times are magical times, eccentric pairing?, fluff for all our poor souls, hints of hidekane and tsukikane, i guess there's a bit of a daddy kink here? i dunno, i kind of want the smut to come like reaalllly later, mild gore (Arima's here after all), slow-ish build, some violence, somewhat canon?, this is how I try to escape the feels, uhm sexy times?, we should lighten up the tg fics y'know?, you will love Arima here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:32:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 75,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2534327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashKanForLife/pseuds/TrashKanForLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arima Kishou was a busy Special Class Investigator who had no time for relationships. So, it was only a given that he remained oblivious to how he felt towards a certain youth. A story with just a few notable differences compared to the TG ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Little

**Author's Note:**

> Yo guys! This is my first fanfiction and I'd like to say that I hate Arima yet I love him. I just pictured the mighty shinigami to actually suck on things like this. There will be angst later but for now, I'll start at a lighter note. Please enjoy reading then!

"We don't know what will come out of it but...better to try than to have never."

" The naming rights will be decided by you, Kishou," was what the main CCG Head stated. They had planned to give him the surname, Sasaki and Arima would be the one to decide the first name.

Arima sat on a bench around the center of Tagami Park, staring blankly at the green scenery, arranging his thoughts. 'Exterminating ghouls are fine with me, but to take care of one...'. He had only hoped that he'd manage without gouging an eye out this time.

A week from now...huh.

* * *

 

The CCG investigators had guided the half-ghoul to Arima Kishou's personal residence. He observed as they went closer. Their treatment towards the ghoul was far from gentle.

"Kishou-san, I'm sure you'll _get along_  with this ghoul.", A First Class Investigator stated bitterly while giving a shove to the cuffed ghoul. Arima gave the ghoul a once over and beckoned him to follow. 

They sat in the living room area, having their seated positions opposite to the table's side. "I will be taking care of you for the time being. Your temporary name is Shiro. I'm known as Kishou Arima, a CCG Investigator. If you try anything funny, I can't assure you it will be a quick death.", he stated in with an icy tone. He then swiped the key to Shiro's side. Once Arima had confirmed his nod of approval and finished undoing his shackles, he then went to the hallway and pressed a button in the upper right corner of the wall. It revealed a secret passage going down. 

Using his hand, he motioned Shiro to head down first and followed suit. When they reached the end of the stairs, it revealed a room more appropriate for a bomb shelter than a bedroom. It had no windows, walls and ceilings made out of special metal and had marble floors that were quinque-esque. It had a comfy looking study bunkbed, two shelves, a beige table, television and a door that seemed to lead to a personal bathroom. Cameras were installed at corners. The ghoul had no chance of escaping. The door to the bedroom itself can only be opened with an identification scanner with top notch security programmed in the passage as extra assurance. In addition, RC surpressant gas would break out from a small vent in the ceiling if he attempted to tamper with the door.

Arima then gave him a sharp glare, "Food will be brought based on your behavior and only I can permit you to go out of this room, _ghoul_." The ghoul gave a barely seen flinch but Arima was able to catch it before he left. He went up to the monitor room, expecting he would go on a violent rampage. Suprisingly the ghoul sat on the desk reading a book. "....How unexpected." He tapped the audio fill and heard what Shiro was muttering.

"Takatsuki Sen's work, huh...." His initially dull eyes currently had a glower that Arima associated with fondness. Before he fought with Arima as Kaneki Ken, he quoted a poem; as trivial as it sounded, he would've been good friends with this guy if only that tidbit of him being a ghoul would disappear.

He made a clicking sound of his tongue. He wasn't an idiot. Regardless that the teenager was half-human, he was still a ghoul. 

The head requested his presence over the phone. He made his way to the bedroom to get his trenchcoat 'I guess I'll worry myself about raising the ghoul later.' was a carefully engraved memo in his mind.

* * *

 

He hung his coat back in the stand and removed his shoes. A plastic bag in his right hand contained the body parts of the ghoul he sliced u--defeated from earlier's mission. He went down the passage to send over the meal.

The door made a slight clinking sound after the security scanner gave positive feedback. Shiro slowly glanced up to the bespectacled man. "You, do you want to read Takatsuki Sen's series?" Arima bluntly asked while resting the box on the table. 

Shiro's eyes widened slightly before he regained composure.

"Well?"

".....Yes."

"I'll give you some novels then." He said as he made his way to the door. 

"...Thank you, Arima-san." He said ever so meekly.

"..."

Arima shut the door without replying and slowly climbed up the flight of stairs.

For some reason, he felt positive energy surging. 'It's not that bad really.' was a subconscious thought that somewhat enlightened him. Just a little bit.


	2. Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Arima can't avoid the cuteness of the half-ghoul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated two chapters in one day. Yay!! Keep your eyes peeled, I might start a TrashKan fic soon.

It's been a month since then and Arima has been doing a daily routine of giving him meals day by day. Sometimes, he paused for a while to either chat or observe the ghoul. Not much has progressed since he only obeyed the head's orders of watching over the ghoul. He was always compliant to the head.

A miniscule change of atmosphere has been accumulating in his house. It was the good type. While waiting for the pending request of the head, he finds himself itching to do something. He just can't figure it out. 

"Arima-san.."

"What is it?"

"It might be rude to ask, but why has there been no progression on Takatsuki's series?"

He wanted to say, 'It was because she was found out as the One Eyed Owl.', but he didn't trust what the ghoul would do with this information. Therefore... 

"...I won't answer that."

"Hai."

Arima fought down a small smile surfacing when Shiro pouted. It was _cute_. 

'What the hell?' The CCG shinigami mentally scolded himself.

"...I'll be going now."

* * *

 

"Please, spare me, I-I'll do anything!" A Rank S ghoul squeaked and pleaded for his life while Kishou Arima had his quinque pin down his arms and legs.

"Anything?" 

"Anything!" The ghoul cried out.

"Alright."

With that, the ghoul relaxed ever so slightly.

"Then die." He stabbed the ghoul in the head with his Yukimura.

* * *

 

"I see some small black strands growing from your roots."

"Is that so?", Shiro stated.

"Yeah."

"Should I dye it white again?"

"..I think black suits you just fine."

"...!"

He ruffled Shiro's hair. He noticed the growth of his personality the past weeks. He can even say he's proud of him.

"Alright, _otou-san_."

Arima made a surprised face. Him, a father?

"Ah, you kind of are like one but if this irks you Arima-san, I'll stop."

"That's nice."

Shiro looked delighted. He was just really....

He fake coughs. " You should eat now. I'll be going then."

He saw him deflate. He ruffled his hair once more.

"I'll come around. Be a good boy and wait."

Shiro smiled and nodded.

"...I guess this is what you call adorableness?" He murmured to himself outside of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say :P. Remember to comment *hugs you*


	3. Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These days, he noticed, Shiro had been growing more and more silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo guys, I read tokyo ghoul jack to be able to grasp Arima's personality. I think most people think he's cold hearted but he actually warms up to a few. Plus, he's actually kind outside of his field of work.

"..."

The half-ghoul remained silent, reading the book Oedipus Rex while the taller had quietly left the room.

'Shiro has been coping considerably well the past month... is there something bothering him?'

He straightened his overcoat and left the house with a case at hand.

* * *

 

"...iro..."

"...ro..."

"Shiro." A powerful voice resounded throughout the room, ringing in his ears.

"W-what is it, otou-san?", he says in an almost flustered tone.

"Are you fine? You've been spacing out a lot."

"I have?"

Arima gives a surrending sigh and ruffles his head.

"Stop being such an airhead. I've been trying to seek your answer for the next series you'd prefer."

And at that, he steps out of his reverie and perks up at the statement.

"Thank you otou-san,", he thinks for a moment, "I'd like the Shakesperean one."

Satisfied with that answer, Arima gave an approving nod before leaving.

* * *

 

Two investigators sat in the upper right area within the cafe's vicinity. It's been 5 minutes since they ordered and settled but no one's said a word.

 'Arima's looking serious.' 

"Oi Arima, you look like you want to spit something out." 

After all these years, they remained as good friends. A fact that dates all the way back to their Seishin Highschool days despite practically being polar opposites.

"Taishi, I need some advice."

"I'm listening."

"How do you cheer someone up?"

Taishi Fura made a face. The CCG's undefeated genius investigator who was respected throughout the whole organization was asking him advice about something so simple?

"Who are you and what did you do to Arima?", he gruffly said with a hint of sentimentality present.

"Will you answer it?", he said almost earnestly, not minding.

"Didn't you manage to see through everything with calculations and tactical thinking? I can't grasp as to why you'd need advice about this."

"..."

Arima doesn't budge, waiting for his long time friend to answer.

"I give up.", Fura said while raising his hands in the air.

"This isn't even an accurate answer.", he reasoned but Arima says nothing anyway.

"I suggest that you make the person relish in something he or she would enjoy. Something the person likes, preferrably."

'I only know that he likes books.'

Arima took a sip of coffee from the styrofoam cup.

"Arima, did you bring my lazy ass all the way here for that?", he blurted out.

"Language, Taishi. You really have some old habits that die hard.", the older said knowingly while standing up.

"That was all?" 

"Give my regards to Aki-san for me. Also, fix your tie and collar. You're making a bad example for the others in the CCG."

"Hai hai."

Fura gave a grin, he remembered now. Although his friend was a genius in the workfield, outside, he was an idiot in interacting with others.

* * *

 

He gently placed the book down at the desk and lied face up on his bed. His face looked blank, devoid of emotion. 

He didn't mean to make the bespectacled man worry about him but for the past few days, there were recurring nightmares that he couldn't remember the moment he rises from his sleep yet the feeling of hurt always remained.

He didn't mean to be dramatic but it was not to say he was exaggerating either. He means well towards Arima but that doesn't stop him from being bitter. He doesn't know who or what this feeling of resentment is directed to but it's there. He can feel it.

He smiles ruefully to himself. Truthfully, he wanted it back. His memories yet he didn't feel like complaining. His past self must have done something stupid to have brought him in this state. 

'You reap what you sow.'

At the thought of such quote made his head throb violently, trying to find a certain badmouthed megane. He hisses slightly at the immense pain but after that, nothing. Tears were starting to form at the corners of his eyes. He blinked rapidly to make it disappear.

Trying to be a little more cheerful, he adds in optimism.

'Strangely enough, I already have great reading comprehension and vocabulary. I'm glad that my past self was an avid book lover.'

He stands up, chooses a random book from the shelf and returns to his previous position, this time propping up his upper half against the headstand.

Finally taking a look at the book cover, it's about the ghoul's anatomy written by an expert. This should be fine yet he momentarily freezes at the wave of nostalgia and went to what seems to be like a daydream.

**A blurred vision of a certain blonde guy made his heart stop.**

_"--eki, where were---I was worried."_

_"Rabb--die o- loneli--- -ou know?"_

Those unclear words and phrases should be downright confusing for a regular person but to him, it sounded like home.

A tear drop landed on his book; by then, he noticed. He was crying. 

"What..?"

He touched his own cheek. He tried to blink rapidly but the tears didn't stop. Nerves wracked up in his throat and there was something that pricked his chest. A dry lump accumulated as well.

He wanted it so badly. That familiar warmth he thought he could always run back to but now, it isn't there.

'Is there no place I can return to anymore?'

This wasn't like him but he made no effort resisting the pain and grief.

* * *

 

Arima slowly went down the stairs, thermos in the right hand while a cup on the other.

'..This will probably cheer him up.'

He recalled that ghouls can actually consume coffee. When he reached home, he brewed the best type of coffee he can make. It wasn't fancy, but he tried.

Entering the room, he was about to say something until he took in Shiro's profile. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked haggard.

He locked the door and did a quick show of putting down the thermos and cup on the table. He looked at Shiro once more. His lifeless eyes stared at nothing.

When Arima saw this, he felt worried over the boy's welfare. Being in the field, he didn't feel any pity for ghouls yet, the latter was special. He made him feel empathy.

He decidedly sits at the side of the bed.

"Shiro, come here." He said in a commanding tone and patted the empty space at his right.

He robotically complied, sitting beside him in silence.

"..Are you okay?"

With that, he snaps back to reality.

"Otou-san...I'm fi--" His voice cracks at the end of his own statement and fat tears started rolling down his cheeks.

"..."

Arima starts to awkardly pat lightly the back of the younger repetitively.

Shiro instinctively looks at him, surprised at the man's actions. 

"Cry it out.", he encouraged.

He mustered a sad smile before resuming.

A good 15 minutes passed and his crying finally died down.

"I'm sorry for letting you see me in such a pathetic state...", he gives an apologetic look before his laying his head low.

"I'm not good at things like this", the shinigami confessed, "but I'm fine with that."

He continued, "Listen Shiro. Regardless of your mood, I'll be here."

He gives the man a quick embrace, another awkward action he committed today.

Shiro lightened up a bit. Arima gave a small smile and stood up.

"Wash your face, you look horrible. Take some coffee if you'd like."

Shiro smiles at the familiar bluntness and Arima exits the room, confirming he was fine for now in the least.

* * *

'Will he really be alright?'

He took in the sound of incessant ringing coming from his pocket and answered his phone. 

"Kishou Arima speaking."

* * *

He washes his face as told and slaps some more water in his cheeks. He takes in his reflection and heaves a sigh.

'I need to get it together.'

With renewed determination, he steps out of the bathroom and sits near the table.

He takes a sip of the coffee Arima made.

'It's good.'

He himself knew that it wasn't just the coffee he's directing that comment to.

He hummed pleasantly while taking in the coffee. Little did he know that the man who became his salvation was previously his damnation. The irony.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro you have no idea. Please be patient with me cuz I plan to add the smut several chapters later. I want it to have a slow-ish build and plus I'm enjoying Arima as a dork.


	4. Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shiro gets a name and Arima can't stand his puns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was the appropriate time to give the cute dork a name and may i mention that the birth of the pun master is here ^__^…

"Say Shiro, have you thought of a name yet?"

He shook his head in response.

After all this time, the genius investigator didn't have the slightest clue as to what the boy's first name should be. Meanwhile, the said boy was scrutinizing on the name book. As per se, the man found the scrunched up look very endearing.

"...Banri..Shimitsu...No, what about..."

As the boy reached a point, he smacked his right fist with his open palm, nodding vigorously to himself.

"Thought of something?"

"Haise. Haise is my first name."

"Haise Sasaki, huh."

Arima eloquently tested out that name on his tongue and he has no qualms about it.

The boy elaborated, "If you use kanji on it, the characters used mean child with no boundary."

The older signalled him to continue, not getting the gist just yet.

"I'm half-human and half ghoul, correct?  So there is no border that seperates me from the human world to the other and vice versa."

"Your constructive insight is rather refreshing."

He messes up the younger's hair with both hands.

"Speaking of which otou-san, I've been wanting to share a pun with you if that's alright."

He had a bad premonition about this but when Haise asks him so humbly, it wouldn't hurt to hear out the latter, right?

Seeing that his father made no move on rejecting his request, he opened his mouth.

"Are you kinky...for a quinque?"

He himself breaks out in laughter and gave himself a pat on the back at the nice pun he made. Meanwhile, Arima is horrified of his pun-making.

'Oh God no. His sense of humor is warped.'

The older says this yet he managed a fond smile.

"...That's a good ambition you have..."

They break out in short silence while the other is desperately trying to think of something that won't dampen the boy's mood.

"Just try to  _improve..._ "

That statement was the kindest comment that he could utter. Sasaki doesn't seem to mind the underlying tone of doubt, instead, he looked happier.

"Thanks to you, I have no doubts on sharing my puns.", he said this while resembling a child who's been given a toy.

Because of that, Arima decided to keep it to himself all the while regretting.

'I just released the pun  ~~monster~~ master..' ~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would be pretty funny if the reason why Sasaki is the pun master we all love today was because Arima was keen on trying not to say anything rude. I appreciate it that you guys still read this crappy fic. I wasn't confident on this initially but because of the support you guys gave me, I was able to continue. Arigatou •w•


	5. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are changes to where Sasaki lives and Arima's friends unceremoniously visit, much to his dismay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I really feel thankful to people who commented. I hope I was able to keep Arima in character ^_^… Some people said it's cute but beware, I might drop an atomic bomb of angst >:0. It's really up to you actually; if you want to say something, speak out your opinions •w•…

"Haise, get up."

"Haise."

"Hmm?"

"Five more minutes...."

The boy lazily rolled to other side of the bed and jolted when Arima poked him relentlessly at his sides. That elicited a laugh as well.

"S-stop that, otou-san..Hahaha... seriously t-that tickles!"

Arima continued regardless and he bregrudgingly goes up; biting the inside of his left cheek to show his annoyance. He almost laughed at the sight of his atrocious bed hair, having cowslicks at the back going in different directions. Arima patted down his hair to show that he was sorry.

'I guess I went a little far.'

"There's something I have to tell you.", he continued, "You'll be moving up with me."

Haise looked energized all of the sudden but then droops. He looked at Arima straight in the eye.

"Is it really fine? Did the CCG permit this?"

"Yes, from the head himself. Listen closely, I doubt you would do anything stupid but keep your conduct in check because if not, you'll be sent back here or worse, Cochlea."

"As you desire, otou-san."

Arima paced towards the door and opened it via code. Sasaki quickly made his way out, moving up excitedly. The older closed the door and followed.

* * *

 

 **Flashback** **:**

_"You called me."_

_The CCG head, Tsuneyoshi Washuu did not reply directly. Instead, he stood up from his chair and looked at the scenery outside the window._

_"Kishou, based on your reports, Sasaki Haise has been behaving well for the the time span of nearly two months, correct?"_

_"Yes, Washuu-san."_

_"Since you informed us he's showing no resistance at all in his confinement, I concluded that he's fit for the job. Start training him. In 6 months' time, hand him over to First Class Investigator Akira Mado. That will be all."_

_"Understood."_

_He picked up his black case and left._

* * *

 

Haise's room was situated in the left, next to Arima's and as for his personal belongings, both of them agreed to shop for it later. The bespectacled man had to leave for work and came back in the evening. 

When he came back, the aroma of coffee wafted through the air, leading him to the end of the hallway and saw Haise brewing coffee In the kitchen. 

"Welcome home, otou-san." 

"I didn't know you knew how to brew coffee." 

"I didn't know myself but it came so naturally to me when I started. I just read a few books about it and then I was able to get the skill in one go.", he sheepishly replied.

Oh right. In Kaneki Ken's profile, he was a barista at Anteiku. He ruffled his hair affectionately.

"I'm making one for you so please wait in the living room."

"Alright."

He waited for 3 minutes until the younger popped out in the hallway, carrying two mugs.

"Here otou-san." He hands over the cup to his father who gladly accepts. Sasaki settled his mug down at the table and did a seiza position on the cushion with his closed fists in his lap.

Arima observed the contents within the mug.

'I trust him enough to believe that he didn't infuse it with anything poisonous.'

He took a sip and his pupils widen at such wonderful taste. He smiles before gazing at Haise who looked anxious.

"I'd give that a 10/10."

The younger sighed in relief and Arima put down his mug albeit gently while expressing his gratitude.

"Thank you for the coffee, Haise."

"No problem otou-san.", he says abashedly while flashing a smile and Arima swore that he saw flowers at the background. This boy is really adorable. It was so unlike him to use the term "adorable" but he couldn't find any word much more accurate than that to describe him.

The two relaxed and drank the coffee in silence. The door bell rang and Arima grumpily stood up. Who dared to interrupt his peaceful session?

He checked the small monitor at the door's right side and found out it was his squad and friends: Take Hirako and Fura Taishi.

"Yo Arima, mind letting us in?", Fura grinned. 

He opened the door and his two friends just walked in as if they owned his place. At least his squad had the manners to greet him.

"Who's this cutie?", says Tenri Kazuo.

Sasaki slightly tensed at the given reference.

"Don't make him feel uncomfortable.", Arima says monotonously but it hinted something that promised pain to Tenri if he'd disobey.

"Alright, alright."

Tenri Kazuo was a Special Class Investigator who, alongside with Arima, came up the ranks at an early age. 27 years old, 62 kg, 5"8 in height and his attributes are hazel eyes and jet black hair. Second-in-command of Arima's squad and specializes in agility. Outside of work, he's a carefree, bisexual casanova and Arima has to deal with this hopeless moron the whole time.

Once they all settled in the living room, Arima decided to introduce the younger. Giving a supportive hand on his left shoulder, Haise started speaking.

"I am Haise Sasaki, a half-ghoul. I will be working under the CCG soon with the help of otou-san. Nice to meet you."

The group blinked a few times at the word otou-san before turning to Arima with unreadable faces. The older felt a little bothered by their stares before sending Sasaki off to make coffee for the visitors. After Sasaki mentally noted down their preferences, he stood up and left.

"Excuse me.", he quietly went down the long hallway.

"So otou-san, is it?", the first one to speak was Hirako and he held a playful tone. Something that the stoic man doesn't do for the majority of the time. 

There was a short silence before the whole group had a fully blown belly laughter.

"Arima, I didn't know that you had a daddy kink going on..", Tenri said in between laughs.

Meanwhile, Arima just held a poker face while having a tint of red on his face.

"..."

"He isn't even defending himself! Bwahahahah...", Tenri continued. 

Many people mistook Arima to be cold-hearted and ruthless but he actually had a heart under that emotionless facade; only a few exceptional people were able to see that. One of which is his squad, former partners and the half-ghoul. They were like family to him.

After a good 10 minutes of laughter, it finally died down; just in time for Haise's reappearance with a tray full of cups and mugs in hand.

"Sorry for the wait.", Sasaki stated while distributing the mugs/cups to each one.

He fidgets a little and waits for their answer. They then take a sip of the aromatic coffee and shared a similar surprised reaction with one another.

"Can you become my waifu or play daddy with me too?", the casanova stated while pointing to himself. That action earned him a smack to the head.

"Behave yourself.", Arima reprimanded.

The rest of the group gave their compliments on how good the coffee was and Sasaki seemed flattered by each passing second. 

"Haise, you can go upstairs now." 

Sasaki bowed, muttering a thank you and went up to his room.

The moment Sasaki went up, the peaceful and warm atmosphere in the living room changed to a heavy and serious one.

"What's the real purpose of your visit?", Arima held a calculative gaze while saying this.

"Sharp as always. It's about the Aogiri Tree's movements; coincidentally, your pals' squads are part of this investigation.", the tone Tenri had was not even close to being carefree.

Fura added, "It's concerning Takatsuki Sen and the possibility of the missing CCG investigators being used for experimentation."

* * *

 

For the duration of two hours, they discussed and planned for some changes to be made within the commission. They bid their goodbyes and Arima went upstairs, exhausted. Even the shinigami had his days. But before he would rest, he needed to do something.

The older saw Sasaki going about the shelves in the 2nd floor. He beckoned him to come close to which the younger complied.

"Haise, call me Arima-san in front of other people. Only refer to me as otou-san in private." 

"Why?"

The bespectacled man didn't answer, only ruffling his head before making his way to the bedroom, leaving a very confused Haise behind. 

'This is for the best, people will misunderstand after all.'

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you there was a little bit of a daddy kink here! The question is, does Haise know? •w• I'll save that up in the future.


	6. Instances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Arima and Sasaki shop for items and that some instances can cause a ripple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again guys, I inserted a pun here but it isn't mine. I borrowed it from a blog in tumblr called askhaisesasaki or was it asksasakihaise? Anyways, I just want to make it clear that I do not own this pun nor Starbucks in this fic ^_^. P.S shinigami time!

Arima had a day off, a rarity in itself. It would be the perfect time to purchase items Sasaki would need. Which was why, they were currently inside a mall. For some reason, his younger companion attracted attention. _Unnecessary attention._

When they were in a suit store, the tailor tried to cope a feel from Sasaki. The shinigami spotted it right away of course, that ended the ordeal with the guy ending up traumatized and fleeing away. In Starbucks, one of the baristas sent a wink to the innocent male and Arima shot a murderous glare at him and the man was wise enough to heed his hidden message. The shinigami wanted to behead someone. He could if he wanted to; having Yukimura tucked in his sports bag. It was the lightest quinque he could bring. Back to the topic, those weren't the only instances. Arima had it rough and strangely enough, all this was beknowngst to the 19 year old. At least the time at the department store was peaceful.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and gave a short huff. Sasaki managed to see his irritation building up and asks with concern laced in.

"Are you alright, Arima-san?" 

The younger looked worried and the older affectionately rubs his head. 

"Don't worry about it." 

The older took note of the younger's hairlength. Feeling somewhat guilty for neglecting, they entered a salon he frequented. He talked with the hairdresser and the shorter of the two sat on a stylist's chair, waiting meagerly.

"I'll be back by the next hour. What book would you like?"

"Mono no Aware." He gave an appreciative smile. 

"Anything else?" 

"That would be all."

He ruffled his head and said, "You should let me spoil you once in a while." He left after that.

A week prior to this day, his father had debriefed his status and purpose at the CCG. He was quick to pick up on the thickly binded books the man instructed him to read and when the older deemed him ready, he honed the younger's combat skills in an underground facility exclusive to his squad. 

His training was a living hell. Arima was different when he was serious. He was strict and cold, almost unminding to the torturous struggles he underwent but in contradiction, it brought Sasaki to admire him even more. The man knew how to seperate his work from his normal life; he felt relieved that the older was honest and fair, judging from the way he had handled his team's quota yet he knew he was far from their level of prowess.

* * *

 

Arima was jarred up in his own world, scanning the bookshelf in front of him. 

'Is it already out of stock?'  

After a short while, he slouches dejectedly, ready to proceed to another shelf but was stopped by someone. The desired book he wanted was presented by the hands of a purple haired man who apparently had horrendous taste in fashion. The bespectacled man eyed the stranger, looking slightly baffled.

"I changed my mind," He held a long pause, "You can have it monsieur. This was the book you were searching for, no?"

He raised an eyebrow at the french term but nods and accepts it with gratitude. Something was odd about the stranger but he dismisses it and asks for his reasons before the man would disappear from his peripheral view. 

"Why?" 

"..." He stops at his tracks and turns his face halfway, replying with sadness evident in his tone. 

"Because, the dolce person I'm buying this for... isn't here anymore."

"I see."

Deciding not to press any further, he let the man go. Arima walked up to the registrar and he had a miniscule twitch on his lips as the books were scanned. 

'Haise will love this.'

* * *

 

After buying a dozen books, he went to buy personal hygiene products and returned back to the salon. 

Arima glanced at the hairdresser who gave him a thumbs up. Sasaki spun his chair to his direction and the first thing that came to mind was that it suited him perfectly. Competent and neat, framing his _cherubic_  face. Wait, did he just say cherubic? Arima shrugs it off, knowing that he couldn't win against the boy's charms. The older paid in full and they set out with plenty of paper bags in hand. 

The pair walked briskly towards the elevator area before Sasaki accidentally bumped into a blue-haired girl and her companion. He bows quickly and apologizes before continuing to walk.

Once she caught a glimpse of his face, she stood there, petrified. 

'Was that..him? Of course not. Since he's already...' She swallowed the painful lump in her throat and steeled herself not to cry, 'That was probably just my imagination.'

She turns around to her worried companion and smiles reassuringly. 

"Let's go, Yoriko."

Sasaki looked back at the area he was in earlier. That girl...seemed eerily familiar.

"Get in Haise." He realized that he was stalling the elevator's departure and hurriedly went in.

On the way up, Arima questioned him.

"Is something wrong?"

He shook those thoughts away from his head.

"Not at all, Arima-san."

* * *

 

As they drove back, his father made a stop at a ramen shop in the middle of a secluded area. He asked Sasaki to wait for him at the car before leaving with his sports bag. His reasons for bringing such were unknown to the younger.

'Otou-san's too kind,' He traces the book's leathery cover with his finger, 'I have to return the favor one day.' 

Something crashed on top of the car and as the younger was about to open the door to investigate, the roof was torn apart and he was dragged out by a hard, metal like tail. He looked at the assailant and realized it was a bikaku type ghoul. 

Hanging upside down, he glowered at the man fearlessly and commanded word per word "Put.Me.Down."

The ghoul laughed and tossed him in an alley next to the parking lot with the aid of his kagune. He coughed up blood, grunting slightly at the harsh impact of his spine and the wall. 

The ghoul approached him step by step with hunger evident in his eyes. He licked his lips. 

"Do me a favor and stay still, okay?" He said in a sickly sweet tone and lurched forward. Time seemed to have stopped for Sasaki who was having coherent thoughts. It was as if he was under a trance.

'Eliminatehimeliminatehimeliminatehimeliminatehim.'

'Are you choosing to be hurt again?'

The red of his kakugan glowed in the dark and the ghoul gasped in surprise.

"Y-you're a---" He was swung to the farside by the hilt of a weapon. He later realized it was Arima's quinque, Yukimura.

He snapped out of his trance by then.

"Ghoul." Arima coldly stated, face expressionless but Sasaki could sense the extent of his anger.

It gave him goosebumps.

"The CCG Reaper..." Fear crept within the unfortunate soul.

He made a break for it and the shinigami effortlessly hamstringed him, all the while slashing his kagune off.

The man screamed in agony, face hitting the ground and Arima proceeded to slice the limbs, then his arms. He showed no sign of hesitation when the man begged for mercy. At long last, he grants it with the act of piercing his head.

The older would usually finish his opponent in one blow so why did he...? Was it because of him that the bespectacled man was acting on pure unadulterated rage?

Sasaki nevertheless stood up and hugged him from behind. He peers up, meeting the eyes of the supposed reaper, grinning despite his bloody profile.

"Otou-san...what do ghouls eat?"

He was asking this now?

"People."

"Nope, raw men." Wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

Using his clean hand, he ruffles the head of the shorter before pinching one of his cheeks.

"I-itte..."

"Thanks for worrying, Haise."

"Is the shop owner okay?"

"Mm." He instructed the man to huddle up under the counter before finding the source of commotion.

* * *

 

Arima called a few authorities to clear the area and the trio were asked a few questions before they were able to leave. It seems that the older ordered the officers for the items in the car to be delivered later; since going in a car with a damaged roof could be too much of a hassle, attracting people.

"Um, how will we go home, Arima-san?" 

He pointed towards a truck with a motorcycle towed in. "We're going via bike. I requested it to be brought in." 

"You can drive one?!" The younger asked incredulously with a bewildered expression. 

His father laughed in response. He laughed. Sasaki never heard Arima laugh before so it felt good knowing that the man was at ease with him.

He ruffles the shorter's head and simply answered, "Was that unexpected?" 

"Y-Yes. You looked like a competent adult who would only drive vehicles with class..." 

"Taishi taught me how to ride one."

"Your friend from the previous visit?"

He nodded. "We're going home, Haise."

* * *

 

The supposedly quiet road in the suburban street had resonated with loud engine sounds, tires screeching. The man drove fast and it was really dangerous. Sasaki looked like he was ready to cry.

"Otou-san, aren't we going a little too fast?!"

"Hmm?" The older couldn't hear him over the screeching tires hitting the asphalt.

He raised his voice a pitch higher. "Aren't we going a little too fast?!" 

Arima quipped a glance at him, smiling slightly before looking back at the road. "Sorry. I haven't rode a bike this freely in a long time. Can you excuse my recklessness?"

He tightened his grip around the taller's waist, not letting go. His father was enjoying himself so he decided not to spoil his time.

* * *

 

After a ~~torturous~~  good 20 minutes of travelling up the road, they arrived at his residence, far from the bustling city of Tokyo. Sasaki never felt this grateful, away from the death ride. 

The bespectacled man stationed the motorcycle at the garage and both head up towards their respective bedrooms in the third floor.

Arima discarded his bloody clothes in the laundry basket before going inside the bathroom; plucking his glasses and setting it near the sink. He took a hot shower.

As he finished rinsing away the blood and scrubbed the soap off, he reached for the shampoo. He blinked. It wasn't there. Right, he had none and the shampoo he newly bought was back at the car. Clicking his tongue disapprovingly, he turns off the tap and wraps a towel around his lower half, planning on taking from Sasaki's. He picks up his glasses and wears them.

Upon entering the younger's room, he looks around for the presence of the younger.

'Probably in the bathroom.' He thought. 

Later would he know that going inside would change things.

Without thinking, he opens the bathroom and the steam from the warm bath fogged up his glasses. He removes his glasses once more and holds it by his left. 

The steam considerably lessened, revealing the younger's silhoutte under the shower tap. He goes closer and stops at half a meter's distance due to his blurry vision.

He called him out, "Haise, do you still have--" Arima swallows back his own statement, taking in the sight of the boy.

Water and soap suds cascaded on his almost female looking back, going further down at his rather round pert buttocks then to his slender, lean legs. His hair pushed back and Sasaki looked over his shoulder, it was oddly arousing...

"What is it that you want, otou-san?" He could see the tomato like face amidst the steamy atmosphere.

Arima could feel his cheeks heating up and pulse beating at a quick rate. He tries to will himself together before the internal conflict would manifest in the younger's eyes. 

'Both of us are male, so it's a perfectly normal occurence that was bound to happen sooner or later yet... why am I..?'

"I was wondering if you had s-shampoo." He stuttered at the last term. The mighty shinigami was stuttering. How silly he must've looked. 

"Y-yes, otou-san." Sasaki was kind enough to hand it to him and he swiftly turns before almost slipping, managing to take hold of the marble sink out of reflex. 

Arima gazes at him, with eyes pleading to forget such embarrasing moment but Sasaki's shocked eyes lay transfixed below his nose. He touches the area above the upper lip and his shame intensifies. He was having a nosebleed. The older slightly scrambles to get outside of the forsaken place.

'That was....'

Back on his bathroom, Arima rinses away the gushing blood in the sink before stepping into the shower. Upon entering, the man watched his step on instinct and noticed something else entirely.

Heaving a sigh mixed with a groan, he changes the shower settings.

He needed it  _cold._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a major development here! Kissu Aroma •3• I wonder if that was worth fangirling.. Anyways, Sasaki's back...hngggh. I just couldn't help it :P


	7. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arima is confused and Sasaki ponders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for some of you guys who's read the fanart chapter but I had to take it down due to technical difficulties. If you want to see it, you can find it in my blog in tumblr. My name's himu-chan there xD. Yay I can't believe there's been a rise on Arikane fics. Someone should write Ayato x Kaneki too! Chapter 7 of tg:re did things to me so it's slightly serious right now in my story.

"Again." He instructed with unspoken authority.

"Arima-san, I can't--" He was punched in the solar plexus before finishing.

He coughed up blood and curled up in the floor with Yukimura 1/3 in hand.

"This is pointless. Stay there until you reflect on your weaknesses." With that, he began to walk away.

Tenri came into Sasaki's view. He knelt down, meeting eye to eye.

"Are you okay, Haise-kun?"

"Don't worry about me. This'll heal in just minutes."

"Kazuo, come here." A sharp order echoed in the training arena.

The ravenette gave him one last look of concern before following his captain's order.

14 days. It's been 14 days since that day of shopping. After that, the older ignored him and refused to make any unneccesary contact with the half-ghoul. It was painful, much more than the punch he recieved.

'Damn it.' He bit down on his lip and went up in a wobbly manner.

Arima side-eyed him and resumed to train with his squad.

* * *

 

"I'll be going then. Don't wait for me." The door was shut after the bespectacled man went out.

"Today's not good either." He sighed before resting on the couch, picking up the remote control.

When light came to the screen, there were ghoul-related headlines.

 _"4 months after the Anteiku Raid, there's been zero to none ghoul activity in the 20th ward. Currently, the ghoul organization named Aogiri Tree has been expanding its influence--"_ The screen turned black shortly after he switched it off. 

He went up the path of stairs. 'I'll finish reading Judas Strain.'

* * *

Ding dong.

He woke up from his cat nap and drank a glass of tepid water just on the left side of the rustic desk before going down.

'Tenri-san?' He looked over the small monitor.

"Hey cutie~~~"

Sasaki smiles fondly at the casanova's childish antics.

"Is Arima here?" He removed his shoes before stepping in the living room.

The younger shut the door. "No, but I can relay a message to him for you, if you'd like."

"I'm not here for that demon actually." He winked at him.

* * *

 

The fresh, grassy area brought about a calming effect to the young man. They were in Tagami park.

"Is it okay for me to be here, Tenri-san?"

"You're being accompanied by a special class investigator y'know."

"Does otou--I mean Arima-san know of this?"

He pressed a finger to his own lips.

"Let's keep it a secret~~"

Sasaki sweatdropped.

"Arima's been rough on you these days, hasn't he?"

"Not really..." He touched his chin nervously.

"You're a terrible liar."

"Maybe he's just in a bad mood..." He defended weakly.

Tenri gave him a bemused look before stretching his arms at the backside of the bench.

"I don't think that's it either."

"Y'see Arima here...keeps a respectful distance around others. Even to Fura and Hirako."

"Really?"

"Yup," He stood up and inserted some coins in the vending machine next to them. He picks up 2 cans of coffee that dropped over. "He's a tough code to decipher." Tenri handed over one to Sasaki before sitting.

"Thank you; what do you mean by that?" He popped the cap open.

"He doesn't want to get deeply involved with anyone."

"Is that so?" He looks over at the sky.

"In exchange of this information, why don't you tell me a little bit of your childhood? Haise-kun~~"

He tightened his grip around the can, giving a pained expression.

"I don't remember."

Tenri cursed himself silently. The CCG brainwashed him. The special class investigator would wonder on who was much more inhumane, them or the ghouls? They were using him. As a pawn.

"Let's move to another subject, hmm?"

"Sure thing."

"So what's your hobbies?"

"Brewing coffee, reading and pun making."

"Pun making, you say?"

"Yup. Do you know what happened to the carpenter who's finished his woodwork? He nailed it!"

Silence.

Sasaki creased the middle of his eyebrows. "Did you not like it?"

Tenri thinks he just saw a dog. "N-not at all. I'm just speechless from your astounding skills!"

Sasaki sighed in relief and the casanova could understand why Arima took a liking to him.

"Ne ne Haise-kun, do you wanna go on a friendly date with me?"

"Uhm, but I didn't bring my cellphone and Arima-san might be worried."

"I'll take full responsibility for that~~"

"If you say so."

* * *

 

"Gaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" Tenri jumped out of his seat.

The people in the cinema were telling him to hush.

"Shh! Tenri-san, we'll be kicked out at this rate." His companion lightly scolded him.

"But it's so scary Haise-kun..." 

Sasaki slightly giggled. He couldn't believe an experienced 27 year old ghoul investigator was tormented over a horror movie.

"Are you making fun of me?" Tenri smiled.

He flashed one back. "Maybe..."

"It's good to see you smile, Haise-kun."

After the credits rolled, they exited the room.

"Let's go to an arcade next!"

"I don't think I'm that good of a player."

"I'll assist you then."

* * *

 

Arima opened the door and settled his overcoat in the rack beside.

2 weeks. It's been 2 weeks since he's been giving Haise the cold shoulder. The bespectacled man didn't know what to do with the boy after that shower incident. The reason he's been ignoring the younger was because he found it awkward to interact with him but he's realized that Sasaki looked saddened by the change.

Being somewhat the father of the boy, he had to keep him happy. It's wasn't like he was obliged to do so. He wanted to because whatever it was, he felt drawn to him. For now, the reaper had to forget about his personal problems and plaintiffs and prioritize the boy's welfare. Another thing that he found hard to admit was, he actually missed him. 

Arima went in Sasaki's room."Haise--" He wasn't there.

He called up his phone. The ringing source was in the desk.

'He didn't bring his phone.'

By now, Arima thought of the worst case scenario. He could've attempted to escape. No, the boy would never do that. The shinigami resorted to using  _that._

Before he came in Arima's custody, the CCG implanted a tracking device in Haise's left arm. Tsuneyoshi gave him the tracker that corresponded to it. 

The coordinates pinpointed on a familiar location.

'Tagami park...?'

* * *

 

"That was fun." 

"It sure was." 

The duo currently lay back in the bench they were in earlier in the day.

"Shit," Tenri checked his watch. "It's past 10."

Sasaki looked alarmed. "Arima-san might be looking for me," He rummaged through his pockets. "I left my phone at home."

"Let's go then." He offered a hand in going up.

When they reached the parking area, they found a black car situated next to Tenri's.

Tenri's eyes widened in recognition. "Isn't that..."

The white haired man went out of his car and walked briskly towards them.

"Arima-san, I--"

The sound of a slap could be heard through the tranquil space.

Sasaki looked hurt and shocked. He touched the already healing area. His father was mad at him.

"Arima, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Tenri's back obstructed the younger's view.

"Stay out of this, Kazuo. I'll deal with you later." He said icily.

"It's my fault for not informing you beforehand--" A hand from behind touched his left shoulder.

"I'm okay, Tenri-san."

Sasaki moved in front of Arima.

"We're leaving."

He wordlessly followed the man and Tenri could see his retreating figure.

'I messed up big time.'

* * *

 

On the way back, the atmosphere remained static.

"Otou-san, listen--"

"Don't utter a single word."

"But I--"

"Did you not listen?"

He winced at the sharp rebuttal. Tears were starting to form at the corner of his eyes.

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry." He kept apologizing like a mantra. The tears started to drip down on his fists.

The older stopped the car at the side of the road, unfastened his seat belt and tightly hugged him. 

"I'm sorry." 

"I apologize for neglecting and scolding you. I'm not angry anymore so don't cry. I was really worried." He rolled a thumb over the younger's right cheek. "Sorry for avoiding you. I just needed to...handle a few things." The older looked at him with tenderness.

"Let's go home." Sasaki grinned.

"Mm." He wiped the younger's tears away with his sleeve.

Once that was finished, shinigami started up the car and the pun master took a deep breath.

"Otou-san, what does a dog need to do in order to get another tail?"

'Again with the puns?'

"What is it?"

"He needs to go to the retail store."

Arima ruffles the head of the younger with his right while taking up the steering wheel.

"That's a good one, Haise."

* * *

He watched Sasaki snooze in his sleep with such a blissful face.

'I should be going.' As he was about to leave, a hand grabbed him and he ended up landing on top of the boy.

Their faces were in close proximity that Arima couldn't help but blush madly. He could go up now but he froze up in such a promising position.

The older marveled on Haise's long lashes, the rosy glow on his cheeks and his _lips_.

At the moment, his lips were very tempting. So when the younger unconsciously muttered his name, he just pressed his lips on his in one swoop.

The reaper rushed out of the room, face ablaze.

He's just kissed Sasaki Haise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bzjsjwbzfnslenlak. Arima, you sly little...He stole a kiss. A pretty ballsy move if you tell me.


	8. Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arima wishes to have spent more time with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I saw the raws for chapter 8 of tg:re and I'm like: SSHHHHHHIIIIITTTTTTTT my thirst for the arihaise pairing has intensified OwO. I have a feeling this might not be the best chapter I've composed cuz I've been struck with sickness for days so sumimasen deshita! Truth to be told, I feel really tired but you guys fuel me so much that I just had to update this. Enjoy the crappy chapter.

_"Haise..."_

_It was **him** again._

_"Giving me the cold shoulder?"  He gave a manic laugh._

_A pale finger traced circles on his lower back._

_"Why don't you just," Sharp pain lanced on the area of his kakuhou. Sasaki found it hard to breathe with the sharp blunt nails harming him. "Be devoured by me?"_

Sasaki jolted up, chest contrapting up and down. The same recurring nightmare. He looks at his surroundings, heart stabilizing from the end of the horror.

'Why can't I get a clear view of his face?'

The aspiring investigator has been visited with nightmares ever since he lived up with Arima. Each time it would occur again, it would play a longer, extended film.

* * *

The peaceful atmosphere was back. Last night, he patched up things with his father. The reason for his avoidance? Unknown. Sasaki thought he was satisfied enough, having believed that the older's actions were of good purpose.

"How is it?"

The older man heaves a sigh. "The coffee you make is always good." He bends over the table to ruffle the fluffy tuff of hair.

"Are you sure?" Sasaki slightly leans in, having a one centimeter gap; Arima in a split second retreats, breaking off the close contact.

'...?'

"Sorry?"

The shinigami slightly shakes his head. "I just have some thoughts to clear up. You did nothing wrong."

"Okay."

Not all things would go back to how they used to be.

"Are you leaving now, otou-san?"He nods and puts on a pair of Giovanni shoes. The younger taps his shoulder to stop him from leaving.

"You're getting a little _tied_ up, otou-san." He makes a lame pun.

He gazes at the area of his collar. His necktie was fumbled. Sasaki goes on the tip of his toes to slightly tug on the knot.

"Let me do it. I'll be working in the CCG in about 3 months, right? I need to get used to wearing one."

"Alright Haise."

He hums pleasantly while raising up the man's collar before straightening the silky material in his hands. He gives it a slight pull at the end, patting down at the collar. The shorter of the two gave a whole hearted grin.

"Have a nice day at work."

Arima maintained an emotionless facade.

"I'll be going."

BANG!

"Otou-san??!!"

It had to be a comical sight if his friends were here. The serious faced man attempted to go out on an obviously closed door.

"Don't worry about me." He gently shooes away the hand of the shorter as he goes up to wipe off the dust in his pants.

'What was that all about?'

* * *

**Summit A (Private meeting room of Squad O)**

"Arima! Over here."

He begins to walk on a steady pace before tripping over nothing.

The squad was stunned.

"Captain?" One of the members said.

A small dent made its way in the man's glasses. "Let's get to the mission then."

Tenri slightly cackled. He guessed that him and Sasaki solved the one-sided problem.

* * *

"Thank you for the purchase!"

Haise makes way for the short queue.

An 8 year old girl tugged at the hem of his shirt. "Onii-chan, coffee will make you stay awake." 

"Hana-chan!" A woman in her thirties scolded her. Probably her mother, he thought.

"I apologize for her rudeness."

They move closer to the counter. Sasaki can't help but stare.

Those knitted clothes .. That mother and daughter pairing.

His head throbbed immensely.

'Not again.'

"Onii-chan......" The rest of her statement was muted by the sound of glass shattering.

Several steps were heard, sounds of crunching on the shards.

"Yo." A guy wielding a koukaku appeared in front of him.

A kick was sent to his gut and everything went black.

* * *

The CCG personnel in the hallway bowed respectfully before the elite squad.

"About the news Arima, the convenience store the band of S rated ghouls are staying in.."

"The one Haise goes to on Tuesdays."

"Aren't you worried for him?"

"We've been assigned to another mission, Kazuo."

The second-in-command scoffed.

They passed by First Class Investigator Fura Taishi. Arima put a hand over his shoulder.

"Keep him safe." Concern for a person never hit him as hard as this

He nodded before continuing past him to meet up with his squad.

* * *

'Shit.'

He woke up in the worst way possible.

"Good morning sunshine."

Sasaki spitted on him.

The half masked ghoul just beamed at him in the most uncomfortable way possible.

"I'll enjoy killing you last." He wipes off the saliva.

He observes their current situation. The bound people looked aghast and some were even knocked out cold.

'Around 8 hostages, 6 ghouls. Judging their appearance, they could be rated A or S. Probably keeping us alive for insurance of all sorts.' Sasaki was already formulating strategies by then.

"Already planning to escape? What can a mere human do?" The ghoul beside him taunted. 

So they didn't know that he was half a ghoul. He could use that fact as a trump card.

"Beats me," He answered intrepidly. "Isn't it in human nature to find a way to survive?"

"That look in your eyes, I wonder if that will last when we have your head."

The ghoul walked away to talk with his fellow kin.

Sasaki tugged his binds, feeling a cold slab of metal hitting his skin.

Chains. For some reason, he didn't entertain that thought very well.

His phone was destroyed, having it displayed on the tiled floor.

"Hey leader.." A full masked ghoul grabbed the 8 year old girl by the hair. "We don't need all of them to be alive, right?"

Hana cried and whimpered; her mother's pleas sent to dust.

Sasaki started to make rabid but futile actions in his restricted position. "STOP!"

The ghoul from earlier choked him, he started seeing blue. 

"Too bad. Here I was planning to kill you later but," His koukaku went past his stomach, blood spilling. "Bye bye."

He lay there motionlessly, eyes beginning to close.

It was darkness that enveloped him.

_"She'll die at this rate, Haise."_   A cold hand ghosted over his arms and then over to his binded parts.

_"Don't you want to save her?"_   The entity whispered in his left ear.

"Yes."

_"Take a rest, will you?"_ Both pale hands covered his eyes.

With brute strength, the half-ghoul broke off the chains and rose.

That act brought the group to turn their heads at him.

He lay his head low, cracking his fingers. It raised hairs to the end for humans and ghouls alike.

"Hello. Nice weather, _right?_ " He chuckled lightly, revealing the gleam of his left kakugan.

That was the greeting of death itself.

* * *

"What the--?" Fura and his squad looked around the scene, people shaking in fear, infrastructure heavily destroyed and amidst the debris and corpses, he saw a distinguishable face standing with a bright red rinkaku protruding from his behind.

'Sasaki?'

"Time to eat..." He rushes to Fura.

"Give me a break." The First Class Investigator clicks open his _attaché_ case.

* * *

Bright light welcomed the young male's eyes. When his pupils finally adjusted, he spotted his father at the left side, napping.

"I'm..back?" He recognizes the room as his own.

Arima groggily woke up, setting his specs into place.

"How are you?"

"Fine but I don't remember much from earlier.."

The older gave him a glass of water from the bedside and Sasaki downed it in one gulp.

"You killed those ghouls with the aid of your kagune. Taishi managed to stop you before any harm came to the citizens."

"...I see." He sighed in relief but it was laced with sadness as well. As someone who would be a dove, he'd have to get used to killing ghouls.

Arima wraps his arms around the younger tightly.

Sasaki smiles fondly. "Otou-san, I really didn't peg you to be the hugging type."

"...I was worried."

"Mhmm. What do you think was the goal they were trying to attain?"

"Ghouls are rebelling openly now. It's not that uncommon, given the aftermath of the Anteiku Raid."

The bespectacled man flicked his nose.

"Ow."

"Don't use your kagune unless the situation demands for such, Haise."

"Understood," He plays with his thumbs. "So.. I was wondering.."

His face was practically steaming. "Otou-san... can you sleep with me?"

The shinigami blinked. Did he hear right?

"I-I've been having nightmares recently and I thought that maybe if someone close to me would er... lay beside me..."

"...If it helps."

He stands up to switch the light off before scooting over the empty space being offered.

In a few minutes, all the older heard was light puffs coming from the younger. 

Arima's realized one thing. He was weak when it came to his dear Haise.

'I've become soft.'

He removes his spectacles and places it by the bedside. The man then pulls over the comforter around shoulder level, kissing the hair of the younger.

The reaper would forget about that kiss, it would hinder his work performance. How hilarious it was that the CCG's genius investigator was terrified. Terrified of the thought that Sasaki meant so much to him.

Forcing himself to think that act was just in the heat of the moment, he goes into the land of dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cuddling times are just magical. DAMN IT ARIMA! You should've used that situation to your advantage but he's so damn slow.... WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT SASAKI ISN'T 100% WIFE MATERIAL??!!!


	9. Akira

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Sasaki Haise to be passed to Akira Mado and Arima leaves it be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short chapter based on TG's epilogue.

**3 months later**

 

A black car stops in front of a cemetery's entrance.

Time really did go fast.

"Go, Haise." He ruffles his head.

"See you around, otou-san."

Sasaki smiles sadly and with a heavy heart, unbuckles his seat belt. He comes out of the car with a black case.

The shinigami drives off after that.

'Yosh.'

The investigator walks across the cobbled path, halting when he saw a beautiful woman standing before a gravestone, a bouquet of flowers in hand.

* * *

 

Arima Kishou goes back to his residence.

He silently sits on the couch, reading a book of Takatsuki Sen. 

The house was lonely without a certain pun master residing in it.

* * *

 

The male bows respectfully with his case placed down at his left.

"P-Pleased to meet your acquaintance. I'm Rank 3 Investigator Sasaki Haise. Under the order of Arima-san, I will be working with you from now on."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ugly sobs* AND THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR NOW. By next week, I'll be putting up the start of the TG:RE arc.


	10. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arima just wants to see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear in the name of-- Arima's really hard to keep in character TwT. So dorky Arima strikes again! This is my version of tg:re's chapter 8 with some parallels and differences.

**Timeskip: 3 years later**

**(Several days after failing to capture Rated A Torso and S rated Serpent.)**  

"It's been a while, Haise." The bespectacled goes up the table, removing his coat.

"Certainly has been a while, otou-san." The younger follows the man's movements, standing atop.

"So the squad leader will be Ginshi Shirazu?" He holds a pen between his fingers. "...What about Kuki Urie?"

As Sasaki starts his statement, Arima's already on the prowl, moving fluidly and skillfully.

"Urie-kun's excellent, without a doubt," He dodges the older's attacks swiftly. "He catches on quickly and his investigative skills are great."

By now, Sasaki was losing his consistency of counter attacks. "An honor student at the academy just like Kuroiwa-san. Undertook drills and skipped a grade."

"But for me, regardless of the situation, the most important factor is personality." He looked much more focused. "Shirazu-kun seems to think carefully about what's happening around him." 

"What an interesting lead, Haise." Tone going firm albeit soft. "Befitting for someone like you."

He smiles, seemingly distracted. "I want to use this as a chance so that Urie-kun can improve on his character too. I think Shirazu-kun, who is bad at things like investigating and making plans could make heavy thinking aspects his own if he builds up expe--" The older's foot makes contact with his solar plexus. "--ri." The impact sends him flying off the table. "--ence."

The first thing the younger sees is a pen's sharp point. He really can't win. "I give up."

Arima might not show it but he feels pretty bad for hurting him no matter the many times they sparred.

"Not bad, Haise but you should pick up your speed. Get rid of the lag between your upper and lower." 

The male looks crestfallen. "Well, otou-san..."

"Hm?"

"Didn't you call me because of the case? I've not only let Torso escape but also Serpent who Hirako-san was pursuing." He tightens his fists in frustration. "I couldn't control myself..." 

The man has an impulse to pat him in the head, comfort the younger but no, the boy was already a fully fledged investigator; he needed to mature so he put that speculation at the back of his mind. 

"I should apologize to Hirako-san." 

The reaper lends a hardbound book to him. "Here, the book you lent me." He states, "I don't think Take will mind." Before adding his opinion about the story, "Kafka's A Crossbreed's short but certainly intriguing."

"Yes. His warped sense of humor could be mirrored through here. It's an excellent short story." He gives a slight huff. "I had to use my kagune to protect those kids."

"I know and that's all there is to it. Going past your limits isn't particularly bad."

The reaper pauses for a moment, voice taking a concerned tone. "Did you hear voices again?" 

"Yes. He whispered in my ear. _Use me, lend me your body.._ " 

"No, he wants his body back. That's probably the me for the past 20 years; not that I can remember a thing." Sasaki goes a pitch lower. "Working at the CCG is hard; together with handling the Quinckes but," He continues optimistically. "Akira-san supports me just like you had. I love spending time with you, it's enjoyable."

"I myself can't do anything..." He murmurs but just audible enough for the man to hear.

He looks at him reassuringly. "I'm happy with my life right now. It'll be pretty scary if the past me would return because all the things I've built up in these 3 years would be lost."

"Don't you ever think of wanting to meet family or former friends?" 

"As for that, I'm okay since I already have family!" The younger positively beamed at him. "You're my father and Akira's my mother..." He slightly shys away from his confession, muttering. "Something like that."

"What a scary family that would be."

He laughs and Arima relaxes before ruffling his head. "You're like the Quinckes parent though."

"Someone has to take care of those troublesome kids afterall." 

Truth to be told, the 32 year old was concerned about the younger **(read:missed)**  and that's basically why he summoned the youth. With a justifiably lame excuse, he says, "I want to borrow a book again so I'll come by the villa sometime."

"Huh?! You don't need to do that, I'll bring some to you directly!"

"It's fine. I want to visit my grandkids." He inwardly commends himself for making that reason fast.

"Well then, let's wipe the desk."

"Yeah. The chief will get angry if he finds out."

Arima inspects the boy's demeanor. 

'He's hiding something.'

Whatever it is, he'll uncover it sooner or later. Depending if the male would tell him first or he'd be the one to see through that mask.

* * *

Mado Squad - Investigation Room

"---This incident won't be mentioned to Shimoguchi." First Class Investigator Akira puts a hand over his shoulder. "Given that you identified Torso's face within the time limit, you can now work him to your heart's content." 

"By the way okaa-san."

"Okaa-san, who?"

"I mean Akira-san," He flushes slightly. "How was the investigation of Torso's residence?"

"The Shimoguchi squad is currently investigating on the location. Although it's a ghoul habitat, the place is quite a bizarre view." 

Akira takes a call from her phone. "Mado speaking."

_"We found something interesting in that guy's ho--"_  The line was cut off, replaced by another call.

_"An urgent message for you. Shimoguchi's squad has been attacked by Aogiri Tree's SS rated ghoul, Rabbit!_ "

The woman waves off to Sasaki, signalling him to leave. She mouths the words _I'll call you back later._  

He shuts the wooden doors, turning to his right to see the bespectacled man waiting for him.

"Sorry for the wait."

"It's fine." He carries a thick envelope. "Let's go get some coffee, Haise."

"Sure."

* * *

 

30 minutes have gone and this was definitely not the small reunion Arima had planned. He goes through the thick pile of files, completely immersed in his work. The younger across the table sips some of his coffee; nervously glancing back and forth. 

"U-um, you seem busy otou-san."

"Don't worry about it." The older skims through the lines, increasing his pace.

He was really preoccupied with several matters but he had to spend some time with Haise. It's been 2 months since he managed to insert some free time in his schedule. He could blame Aogiri's recent movements.

"Sorry otou-san but Akira-san called me back." Sasaki hurriedly finishes the remnants of his coffee and stood up.

"Wait--" Arima's finger got cut by the parchment he held.

"Your finger's bleeding," The younger rushes to his side, kneeling down. "Err... I have a Bandaid but as for a disinfectant--ah! I got it."  

He licks the fingertip slowly before sucking on the wound for a good 3 seconds.

"..." The older heats up at the wet warmth.

He patches up the digit with the bandage and bows before walking briskly. Sasaki shouts, "I'll see you some other time otou-san!"

Breaking away from his daze, the man appears to be forlorn, taking out two tickets from his pocket.

'I didn't even tell Haise about the amusement park.' A roof of gloom suddenly covers his profile. 

Apparently, the shinigami himself was aware that he always had this ~~huge~~ miniscule attraction to Sasaki all these years **(He will never admit this even up on his grave)**  yet he doesn't intend on progressing their father-son relationship into something much more.

Arima presses a certain contact on his phone. Might as well put it to use. 

"Taishi, I have two tickets to the WI amusement park. Do you want to go with your wife, Aki-san?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahahahahahaha. I just had to put that finger lick. I got that idea from a tumblr blog called arimatastic xD. *whispers* Touka-chan might be in the next chapter~~~


	11. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasaki hated the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry minna-san for not updating soon enough (Not like people were waiting for this crappy fic). *cough* *cough* Anyway, for those of you who must know, I often do timeskips cuz I figured it might be boring for some. Happy Belated Birthday to Kaneki and Arima. P.S this is the start of canon divergence...

"Sassan!" Rank 2 Investigator Shirazu Ginshi called out.

"Yes, Shirazu-kun?" Sasaki looked at him blearily, barely awake from his 3 hour slumber.

It's been half a month since then that the Nutcracker Case closed its curtains. Still, he found himself spacing out, thoughts always redirecting back to a small coffee cafe led by two people.

"Oi Sassan!" Shirazu starts to shake his shoulders to and fro. "Everybody's downstairs."

"Alright alright." Sasaki reluctantly goes away from his haven, namely the bed.

The Quinckes member accompanied him down and settles next to Mutsuki in the dining room.

He smiles fondly at the sight before him. The girl NEET munching away the ginger bread cookies, Urie and Shirazu arguing with Mutsuki as their mediator. Sasaki sips his coffee while side eyeing the tv screen. Despite the lovely morning that greeted him, he felt amiss.

_Vrrrrrr. vrrrrr._

The phone vibrates in his pjs and he deftly swipes the lock. His eyes widen at the Caller ID.

"Arima-san?"

_"Where are you?"_

"At the chateau."

_"I'll be picking you up in 20 minutes."_

"Wait--" The call ends abruptly.

'I couldn't even ask about his purposes...' His father was really hard to see through and something just clicked in his mind.

"Oh right! How could I forget!" 

"Sasaki/Sassan?" The squad called his name in synchronization.

"I have to go somewhere." He pushes back his chair and goes back up to the second floor in such speed that their reply was not heard at all.

* * *

 

'Am I too sudden?' The shinigami thought while steering up the wheel.

Arima glances up the window, a cloudy sky in precipitation. For the first time in years, the man chose not to spend his birthday at work, neither busying himself in the desk nor single-handedly slaying ghouls. He had decided to spend his birthday with someone who mattered to him the most.

December 20 was not just a mere birthday of his anymore but rather, it was Sasaki's as well. Arima does not know the meaning of his actions yet he can sense just as much that this chance will last in a given extent.

* * *

He scampers off in boxers from the bathroom to his closet, tossing the denied clothes in a deliberate manner.

The four young investigators stand in the open doorway, looking in out of curiousity.

"Sassan looks like he's in a hurry."

"Isn't that obvious, you dimwit?" Urie nonchalantly said.

"You bastard--!"

"Now now, Urie, Shirazu." Mutsuki pats down at their backs.

Saiko munches on a cookie while playing Persona 4 in her PSP.

"This should do." Sasaki slips in casual jeans and wears a turtleneck sweater. He carries his trenchcoat, mittens and muffler in one hand, a wrapped gift in the other.

"You all, I won't be here for the rest of the day. You're in charge, Shirazu-kun."

The said male smiles triumphantly and Urie just gives a blanched up look.

The sound of a car honking leaves Sasaki to dash excitedly.

* * *

"Is something the matter?" The bespectacled man asks, drawn in by the fidgety state of the younger.

"Err...not at all." He clutches his seat belt nervously.

"..."

"Stop with the poker face stare down, otou-san." Sasaki sinks down in his seat childishly.

This kid was hilarious.

"Seriously, Haise." He parks his Innova in a wide slot, just in front a familiar cafe.

The younger thrusts out a gift, not meeting his eyes. "H-happy Birthday, otou-san."

Arima accepts it with gratitude, gently smiling at him, not so long before handing over a gift of his own. "Happy birthday to you too."

Sasaki blinks and accepts it incredulously. "My birthday?"

A long pause.

"Did you really forget your own birthday?"

"Oh yeah. It was in my profile.." He has a thoughtful expression in his face. " I never really paid attention to such a thing." The younger laughs it off lightly, a tang of sorrow present.

Such mood does not go unnoticed by the older. He switches off the engine, unbuckling the strap and wordlessly goes out. "This was the cafe you referred me to, right?"

Sasaki follows him out before affirming his question. "Mhmm. They have some good coffee or so says my nose kagune!"

Ever the horrible pun maker.

* * *

The white haired barista he learned to be named Yomo practically stiffened up at his father's arrival. Arima shares the same sentimentality as the thick atmosphere, eyeing at him suspiciously so.

"L-let's get a table, otou--" He bites down the term, remembering that there were people. "Arima-san." He would not take anymore of such horrible vibe.

He nods, observing the notion of the whole area.

They settle around the leftmost corner, appreciating the antique collection at the side.

A beautiful waitress he refers to as Touka-chan approaches their table, always with her pen and notepad. "May I take your order?" She glances at the bespectacled man before smiling at Sasaki warmly. "I see you brought in someone new."

He scratches his head and shyly replies, "He's um, someone important to me. As for our order, black coffee, cafe au lait and a vanilla mousse."

She bows respectfully before hurriedly telling Yomo the given order.

He stares at him questioningly.

"It's for you, Arima-san. My treat." Sasaki grins at him wholeheartedly.

'Oh.'

They recieve their order in an acceptable five minute allotment. The younger removes his mittens so as not to get it soiled. Both hold their respective coffee mugs, taking in the warm rustic scent before drinking the welcoming contents.

"So you're 33 right now?"

Arima nods, curling his left hand around his chin. "Why are you asking this?"

"You really didn't age at all."

"Is that so?"

"Yep." He leans in close, brows furrowing. "What's your secret to eternal youth?"

"None, really."

"Eh, good for you, meanwhile, I have to make sure not to grow wrinkles out of handling those kids..." Sasaki bouncily shifts to another topic. "So, have you found a lover yet?"

This question had the shinigami sweating bullets.

"...No."

He giggles, wiping a tear or two. "Come on, you're a really handsome and sophisticated adult. You can find one anytime."

The older flushes at the compliment. "I wouldn't because," I had you. "It would get in the way of work." He bites down that thought, realizing that it could make things awkward.

"That's just like you," He scoops up a piece of the delicate dessert. "Say ah~~" The silverware shined in his direction.

Was he really going to feed him?

Just this once, he thought, that it would be okay to be pampered by the younger.

Arima sighs, before parting his mouth expectantly. He chews the piece slowly, a sweet aftertaste lingers.

"Does it taste good?"

He ruffles his head in approval and suddenly, he could feel a heated glare coming from the barista.

"I believe that the barista doesn't like me that much."

"I don't think so." He looks at Yomo who now seems calm. "Maybe he's still unused to your presence."

"...Whatever you say." There was definitely something eccentric about that man.

* * *

They arrive in front of a marbled path; not so far from a greenhouse located in the snowy outskirts of Tokyo.

"Otou-san, what place is this?

He continues walking down the pavement, silent.

Sasaki is struck with awe as they come close to the conservatory.

A beautiful flower patios with hanging plants. The white blanket of winter seemed to make the place more ethereal combined with the weak glow some tented lamps were giving.

The older opens the door with a click, twisting the knob open. "You have access to this place?"

"A friend of mine owns this property. He lent me a spare key." Arima flicks the switch on, revealing the exotic garden that lay within.

Sasaki shuts the door, still in awe. "So it was that easy, huh?"

It wasn't. In reality, he stretched the truth quite a _tad_ bit. The shinigami really wanted to show this to the younger. He ~~persuaded~~ asked the owner of this lot to give consent about him renting the place for a day. It took him his month's pay to bribe the man **(not that he has a financial crisis but still)**. He's alright with it now, seeing his precious Haise beam in delight, touring around eagerly.

Arima notices that Sasaki stops in his tracks, face solemn. He walks up to him, wondering what this could be about.

His eyes looked glossy, gaze directed in between two distinct flowers. A Lycoris radiata and a Dianthus caryophyllus. In simpler terms, spider lily and white carnation.

The younger trembles slightly but not just from the cold. He smiles sadly as he traces the petal's outlines of both one by one. "...I'm sorry. It's just that...I feel saddened by the sight of these flowers for unknown reasons."

Arima holds his clothed hand, giving a gentle squeeze. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards at the comfort given by his father.

"I hate winter."

"Why?"

"It feels lonely."

The older ruffles his hair affectionately. "You sound like a kid."

"I don't mind the season if I spend it with you though, otou-san."

He pinches his cheeks and smiles in response. "That was cheesy."

They proceed to the depths of further greenery, not questioning about their still joined hands.

And just like that, both were content at such simple happiness.

* * *

Back at his place, Arima prys the wrapper to reveal the gift. He pulls out a black sweater, patterned with a grey weave in the upper part. "A handmade sweater?"

The shinigami feels giddy all of the sudden, smiling like an idiot. If Fura was here, he would have hairs standing on the end for how out of character the bespectacled man must've been.

* * *

Sasaki leaves the piece dangling in front of him before setting the time teller around his right wrist.

He starts to roll around the bed; his current screaming muffled by the pillow.

He blushes, bringing the Rolex up close.

'Thank you, otou-san.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Kurisumasu! That was me being a fail on japanese stuff.... Yomo here is quite the protective guardian and btw, i already mapped out the whole story but what i need to work on are the scenes... And when I mean scenes, all the boyxboy lemon. -///w///-. I hope this longish chapter will make up for the time i was not updating. The next week, I can assure you I'll be updating 2 or more chapters. ^_^.


	12. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A faded dream in the winter. Amidst the cold, lays a warm hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, 3000 hits?! I never knew this shitty composition would harbor much attention. I bet we all want some progress in their relationship so here you are folks, a shove for our shinigami. By Sasaki nonetheless ;). Oops, I hope I didn't say too much. I'll have notes and stuff about tumblr in the end btw xD.

Being half-awake, he could hear the faint whispers of his whole squad. 

"Sassan's tired, we should go."

"Should we contact Akira-san?"

"I believe that we need to contact Arima-san instead."

"Maybe Dr.Shiba," Sounds of munching something crisp could be heard. "Has medicine for this."

Saiko's statement is accompanied by silence and then the shuffling of footsteps could be heard. Sasaki makes the effort of fluttering his eyes open to see their departing silhouttes.

'Sleepy...' He trails off, feeling the heavy dose of drowsiness overcome him.

* * *

 

Sasaki walks in a field of spiderlilies, splotches of white in the void. 

"Another dream?"

He blames the return of these occurences on the Torso and Serpent Investigation. 

The 23 year old does not put up a fight. Sasaki figured that struggling would only make the pain on his head worse by the time he woke up.

"It's... different today." He looks around. No sight of the entity at all.

Sasaki lies on the flower bed, closing his eyes, expecting the voices inside to rear its ugly head.

The voices did come.

But it wasn't manic or ugly this time around. 

It sounded like begging, begging someone not to go.

_"For dear life-----eki-kun--don't go."_

_"--sorry Tsu----ma-san, I'm tired of not -----able to --- a thing."_

That voice was so sad, reminding him of fresh camelias wilting.

His body in reality stirs, body tossing over the covers.

_"Big---er, please cheer up--" A shadow of a 13 year old girl comes up close._

Everything turns into black, something the investigator was thankful of. He couldn't bear to hear anymore because they were unseen waves of forlornment. His relief is shortlived when he gets pierced in both eyes. He can hear his own screams over the loud pitter patter of the rain.

Then, he hears an eerie whir in his left ear. Sounds of tiny legs tapping against the ear canal. Sasaki laughs manically, uncontrollably when he's realized that it was a centipede.

The next scenario he's pulled on is the plain sky. It was a clear blue that made him feel lethargic for some reason. He falls into the unfathomable depths of the dark ocean, barely making out the statements that resonated.

_"To eat is to live--eat is to prote--to eat--is to---"_

And then, he drowns.

Before he could no longer see anything, the entity finally appears behind him. Strangely, the statement processed out of the ghost was vivid.

_"Are you enjoying your life, Haise?"_

* * *

 

Arima Kishou nearly broke several road regulations to come to the Chateau with a kit Dr.Shiba gave him. It could've been the doctor to have come here but as the doting father he is, he came here personally.

"Thank you for informing me."

"Well, Sassan's like our parent..." Shirazu shrugs before grunting. 

Mutsuki adds, "Please do take care of Sasaki-san."

Urie and Saiko remain wordless. The older knows that despite not voicing out their thoughts, they secretly worried for their mentor.

Arima nods and enters the room quietly. He locks the door for privacy.

The bespectacled man set the kit and his briefcase near the bed. He glances at the younger's profile as he readies the suggested medicine.

'He looks...unhealthily pale.'

Arima put a hand on his forehead. Definitely a high fever.

He fills the syringe with the contents of a flask. The man never knew ghouls could get high fever nor a cold but probably, Haise was an exception. He still had some human in him after all.

"...440...405..."

Was he counting?

"398..."

The older didn't want to hear it anymore; the counting was unpleasant.

He rubs the younger's left wrist with a cotton soaked in alcohol. Arima injects the special needle **(made out of quinque metal)**  in a non lethal area.

"..." He stops turning in the covers, calming down.

"Haise." 

Sasaki slowly opens his eyes, instinctively turning to source of that voice.

"Otou-san?"

"...I heard you were ill so I treated you with medicine."

"Thank you."

His silver eyes gazed at him weakly but just enough to get the message of sincerity. Arima removes his overcoat, folding and laying it on the desk. He pulls up his sleeves up and proceeds to get clothes and the like from his closet.

'What is he doing?'

The shinigami puts it on top of the bed before moving into the bathroom.

'Is he...' Sasaki blushes immensely and definitely not from the fever. 'Oh my god...'

He came back with a basin full of water, a sponge, bar of soap and a towel.

His father was going to sponge bathe him.

"Do you need help in taking off your clothes?"

He stammers. "U-um, you don't r-really need to--"

"Your clothes are already damp from the sweat, Haise. " His father deadpanned. "You'll remain sick."

"I-I'll do it myself..!" 

"You're shaking, you know." Arima gestures at his hands. He had a point, his hands were quivering uncontrollably.

Sasaki sighs, trying to fight down his embarrasing predicament. He flips the covers and raises his arms in effort as he is slowly being stripped away of his articles of clothing.

Meanwhile, the older has inner battles of his own.

This situation seemed _rather_ suggestive.

Arima's eyes rake over every inch of the younger's tantalizing body before heaving a heavy sigh to mask his hormonal tendencies. He puts a hand for a short while near his nose just to check if he was bleeding or worse, drooling. 

He imagines Take in a red fox mascot to keep his arousal at bay.

This was going to be a very long and painful bath session.

Arima soaks the sponge in water and then scrubs the absorbent across Sasaki's whole body **(He'll leave the nether regions to Haise because really, that would be _too_ suggestive for him).** The younger flinches when it reaches his right foot.

"I'll be the one to do that." He puts a weak hand over his.

Did he have petaphelaphobia?

"Alright, Haise."

He scrubs the sponge over the back, Sasaki jumps slightly from when he reaches the lower area.

'...?'

Arima pays no heed to such and proceeds to scrub with the bar of soap together with the sponge to wipe simultaneously.

His mind transcends to vulgar thinking because of the soap suds on his lithe form and he resorts to thinking of Fura in a dinosaur costume this time around.

Arima wipes off the remaining trails; except for the nether regions and feet, only his back was left.

"...Turn around."

The younger complies with his order and spins around, revealing a much clearer view of his back. 

He bobs down the lump in his throat and just slaps himself internally for stealing a glance at his ass.

The older continues his ministrations and pauses when he hears a moan from the younger.

He blinks from shock. Sasaki looks at him, flustered and abashedly red.

"T-that's where my--" He suppresses a pleased sound when Arima touches the area again to wipe the suds off. "K-kakuhou is." 

The bespectacled man reddens uncontrollably, poker face no longer holding and mutters. "...I apologize, can you handle the rest?" He storms into the bathroom with an uncomfortable growing tightness in his pants.

* * *

 

It took about 30 push ups, 10 crunches at each side and 5 pilates for the older to get rid of his arousal in the bathroom. He thanked the gods for the wide space.

You can also say it took about 10-15 minutes.

"..." Sasaki, now fully clothed, is back in his sleeping position.

They don't talk about what transpired earlier. Instead, they converse casually.

"I had a bad dream today."

"Elaborate."

"I heard voices, telling me to come back and cheer up and then," His silver eyes look downcast. "I was pierced in the eyes, it was just...painful."

Guilt rushes to the man like a bullet.

"And then an entity asked me if I enjoyed my life." 

"What was your response?"

"None. I couldn't answer back but," He gives a thoughtful expression. "I'd say yes because I have a family here in the CCG."

"Surely, that's not enough." 

A pretty red adorns his cheeks. "...You're right." He sighs and stares at Arima with affection. "Actually, I have an embarassing confession to make."

Arima gestures him to go on.

"I honestly didn't have much reason to live since I don't have memories of the previous me but, you supported me, practically raised me and showered me with genuine affection so I," He brings the slightly calloused hand towards his cheek. "Truly enjoy my life despite the trials I've faced."

The shinigami had an inkling of where this was going.

"I...really..."

No, this was really escalating to...

"Love you, otou-san."

A love confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Petaphelaphobia- fear of feet getting touched if I'm not wrong..  
> I nearly fell from my seat when my story was being talked about in my favorite tg blog which was makyun. Michi, if you're there, how are you liking the story so far ^_^? If all of you want to give constructive criticism in private, you can ask me in my tumblr blog: himu-chan oh and I have a sideblog ask-arikane btw so feel free to drop questions there. (I'm so shameless in promoting, Imma hide in my bed xD)


	13. Aware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shinigami has confessions of his own to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry but this chapter's going to be short but ill update another one tomorrow to make up for it oh and HoguiHatter, next chapter's gonna have a lil jealousy. Question is, who? And WARNING YOU MIGHT HAVE A SWEET TOOTH AFTER READING THIS •w•.

The expression of the shinigami was priceless. He stood there, paralyzed with widened eyes.

"..."

It took a good 5 seconds for him to stop gaping like a fish, masking himself back to the typical pokerface with the addition of the brightest red Sasaki has seen in his entirety.

"...That's nice, son."

It was now the younger's turn to be flustered, trying to get through on how the dense the older was.

"I meant the romantic type of love."

"Oh."

The room is quiet yet again, two people in inner turmoil. They try to speak and hilariously start at the same time.

"Do you--?" 

Second attempt. "Are you--?"

"You can go first." Their current predicament was just hilarious.

Sasaki shakes his head. "Um, after you."

”No, you should go first." The man insisted.

He sighs in response, opening his mouth to speak.

"If... you don't feel the same way, I can forget about this." Sasaki looks in his eyes with seriousness.

"..." Arima says nothing, staring back into those innocent orbs.

"So I guess that this isn't--"

"Don't assume so quickly."

Was he considering things?

Sasaki shuts his mouth, waiting for the taller of the two to formulate his sentences.

"Truthfully, this was unexpected." He clears his throat and rolls a thumb over his cheeks, tone getting softer. "But, it's quite to my advantage, you see."

He bends down, whispering over the ear with three meaningful words that makes the other's heart thrum erratically.

Sasaki blushes, hiding over his blanket, eyes peeking out shyly. "Maybe I should get sick more often."

"I'm glad, Haise." Arima leans closer to him, tucking away the blanket fold; trying to capture his lips but was stopped by a hand.

"Y-you might catch a cold, Kishou." The name rolls off on his tongue pleasantly.

He's caught off guard yet again.

"...Say that again."

"K-kishou."

Arima kisses his forehead, ruffling his hair, "Call me by that in private."

"O-Okay. So are we...?"

"Yes, yes we are."

The adorable male practically glomps him in happiness. Arima gives one of his small smiles, heaving a sigh.

"I really want to kiss you."

"T-that's so blunt," He murmurs into the hug."Maybe, when I recover..."

The older caresses the younger's hair, cherishing its silky texture.

"I'll hold you to that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was beautiful unadulterated fluff, I know. ;). Now you guys know why I titled it the story that way.


	14. Sulky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Squad 0 is brought to hell and back with Arima's mood swings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay HoguiHatter, here's ze chapter you have been waiting for. Guys, thank you for reading this abomination of a fic and this will probably be the last update of the week. >////3////

The lights flicker in the partly submerged tunnel, sounds of kagunes swishing could be heard. He closes his eyes, concentrating on the sources. A ferocious shadow pounces on him, only to be met with a rapier's sharp tip piercing his throat. The investigator swiftly reacts to the attempted blow from behind.

"Slow."

Before Arima could take the offensive in a third of a split second, a bullet goes through the ghoul's head. The bespectacled man sighs, tapping his earpiece. "I could'v'e handled that, Kazuo."

A blaring voice comes from the earpiece. "Hahahahaha, you don't seem all too pleased, Arima."

Ignoring his statement, he announces not so enthusiastically. "Clear out the perimeter. We're done here."

He grimaces at the dirty sewage water that clung up to his knee and quinque.

'I better have Narukami cleaned.'

* * *

 

Squad 0 Meeting Room - A day after the mission

The bespectacled man flips through the pages recent report, a trace of grumpiness written all over his poker face. His squad members share mutual glances with one another screaming 'I don't want to be here.'

"Ui, your status report."

Koori stands upright, nodding. The bob haired male reaches for his paper and starts to read aloud. "The currently missing Yurihara Mui was sighted around a bar together with a ghoul identified as S Rated Ripper..."

Someone knocks and slightly opens the door, two toned hair peeking out. Suddenly, the temperature around their dead serious atmosphere spikes.

"Haise?"

"Err, pardon the intrusion." He bows shortly after he closes the entrance.

Their deadpan leader suddenly smiles at his presence and the whole group shivers at the 180 degree turn of his demeanor.

"Arima-san, the books you requested." He grins from ear to ear, presenting the paper bag.

'In the middle of a meeting...' Koori thought.

Arima rests his folder on top of the table, holding the strap together, slightly touching the younger's hand. "I appreciate you getting your way off of work for this."

The squad members sweatdropped. 'You're the busier one here, Arima/Arima-san.'

Sasaki puts his other hand over his, smiling and flustered. "Anything for you, Arima-san."

The older kisses his hair and then ruffles it after. "You should get back to work, Haise."

He nods vigorously and waves off a goodbye while departing.

Tenri curls his hand around his cheek, nonchalantly speaking. "Ugh, that was so lovey dovey that I could puke."

Squad 0 eventually found out about their relationship with the evident beaming of their leader and the flustered reactions of the adorable investigator.

The bespectacled man smiles under the cover of the file, without a doubt, in a good mood.

* * *

 

A day later, the squad experience a very pissed shinigami and that's not good. They were training in their private facility so if he's in a foul mood, their training regimes were going to be hell.

"T-time out." Tenri wheezes, chest heaving up and down violently.

Arima ignores what the brunette said, swiping him off of his feet.

He looks up, seeing the glasses of the squad leader gleam almost evilly. "Did you turn sluggish over winter, Kazuo?"

'What made him ticked off this time?' He attempts to go up, only to be brought down again.

In the background, the members resume their training, not sparing a single glance at the reaper's victim. 'Rest in peace.'

The bespectacled man was having a replay of today while  ~~nearly beating the life out of~~  sparring with his second-in-command.

_**Flashback:** _

_He visits the Chateau at 6 in the morning to drop off an imported coffee bean jar and of course, to see a glimpse of his lover. Opening the door eagerly (His precious Haise gave him a spare key), his eyes are greeted with the sight of Rank 2 Investigator Kuki Urie whose face was mere inches away from Sasaki's by the velvet couch._

_"Special Class Investigator Arima." The 19 year old greets him casually, unaware of the peril that was yet to be unleashed._

_"Arima-san, good morning." Sasaki turns to smile at him._

_The older of the three closes the door very harshly, walks towards them silently (and in a deadly manner), simply looks at Urie with a stare that can bring a whole army to cry and be on their knees. Urie, sensing the silent threat, stands up, bows and Sasaki willingly dismisses him._

_"What were you two doing?"_

_He looks at him innocently, with the left eye closed. "Urie-kun was trying to get an eyelash stuck in my eyeball."_

_"Oh."  The shinigami just internally face palms himself for being so jealous over a 19 year old trying to help the younger._

_"Can you help me take it out?"_

_He sits down the couch. "Open your eye."_

_Sasaki does what he's been told and reveals the mesmerizing silver grey color of his iris._

_'What a pretty grey...'_ _He spots the eyelash and takes it out in a quick motion._

_"I'll drive you towards the headquarters." The older raises his voice, now in the kitchen to store the coffee beans._

_"But I have to drive the kids..."_

_So much for some alone time._

_"Let the Quinckes tag along." He walks back to the younger._

_"Thanks."_

He feels frustrated through and through of how immature he was being.

"Arima."

"What?"

"You-r hold i-s," He struggles to speak as if his neck was tied in a tight noose. "Too t--ight."

"Oh." He loosens his crab hold on him and dusts off the accumulated dirt in his pants.

* * *

"Are you alright, Kishou-san?"

"Drop the -san." He traces circles with his thumb on the younger's cheek.

"I'm sorry to have invited you here while you're still busy with work."

"...What about you? Are the Quinckes giving you a hard time?"

"Not at all. Urie-kun's much more behaved and I managed to make the rest of the kids open up to me while we were crossdressing for a--" He covers his mouth,and then drops it, smiling unnaturally at Arima. "Never mind."

This awkward behavior piqued the older's interest.

"Crossdressing," A smirk tugged at his lips. "For what?"

"C-crossdressing...? What are you saying, I never said that..." He scratches his chin with his left hand.

"You did."

"Did not."

"You did."

"Did not."

"You didn't."

"I did."

Sasaki bites the inside of his cheek, definitely annoyed by how he got done in by such a classic trick. Arima chuckles, kissing his forehead for being so gullible and cute.

"I win."

The blue haired waitress arrives with a tray in hand, pouring the contents of caffeine into their mugs.

He smiles affectionately at the female. "Thank you, Touka-chan."

"Of course, Sasaki." She fidgets around, before finally looking at him in the eye. "You... don't mind if I chat with you a short while, right?"

"Sure, I wanted to chat with a beauty like you too."

Arima feels like he's blended into the background, neglected throughout the past hour. He just observes them as they converse, not being able to do so himself because really, he doesn't know what youths were interested in. Yes, he admits with regret, he was an introverted 33 year old with 0 social skill. What's worse, he feels extremely envious right now.

The last straw was when Touka gave him a playful peck to Sasaki's cheek. He slams his fists in unadulterated fury and storms off to the door.

"Arima-san..." He goes up only to be stopped by a hand.

"Sasaki, is that guy important to you?" Her tone goes lower.

He puts a hand over her shoulder. "He's my lover so I have to decline your advances. Sorry, Touka-chan."

She laughs unexpectedly, holding her belly. "I'm lesbian, you dork."

"Wha--?"

"I kissed you on the cheek to see if that boyfriend of yours was going to react."

"So you..."

"I kind of already knew you guys were an item by the vibes I got."

"Then why did you tick him off?"

"For the heck of it."

He shakes his head. "That was mean."

"Go make up with him."

He briskly walks towards the door which was opened by Yomo.

The bell chimes and Touka sighs, glancing at Yomo.

"Kaneki's happy, I believe. Even if that's the guy who..."

The man clenches his fists and uncurls it after. "I know, Touka, I know."

'So even that known reaper can love, huh?' The female starts to clean the table.

The younger knocks on the car window and the older unlocks the door for him. He slides into his seat, not buckling on his seatbelt and stared at the older.

"What's the matter?" Irritation laced in his emotionless undercurrents.

"Kishou, are you mad?"

"No." A frown appears on his face. "You should've stayed there with that waitress." He looks away, arms crossing.

Sasaki envelops him into a tight embrace. "You're jealous, aren't you."

A scowl forms in his face. "No."

He grins ear to ear and kisses him softly on the lips. 

"Still angry?"

"...A little."

Sasaki peppers him with kisses, cupping his face with both hands. "Touka-chan was just messing with you. So please, forgive me?"

He slowly returns the embrace, arms at his thin waist. "If we go on a date I might forgive you."

"Let's go to a festival then." 

Just in an instant, his dear Haise could make him feel all better.

* * *

The next day, the whole squad of Arima was terrified of him. What's scarier than an angry shinigami was a dazed one acting lovestruck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay we got to see a much more expressive arima now I have to sleep cuz my mom's pissed and do tell me if there are mistakes (i did this in like 2-3 hours). Pssst... Them in a yukata....shhhh..


	15. Conclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were some surprising facts that Sasaki learned on the eve of their festival date. One, the shinigami liked to 'tease' him. Second, the older doesn't mind showing his displays of affection in broad daylight.Third, he himself never knew he could be this daring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I present to you, the lovey dovey date of these two inexperienced dorks! I might not be able to post any next week because I have highschool exams coming up. Surprise surprise, I'm actually a 14 year old fujoshi who enjoys just about every ship in Tokyo Ghoul xD.

"I appreciate your visit, Kichan." A warm smile cracks in the old lady's lips, welcoming him with open arms.

"I'm an adult, obaa-san. Cut that nickname off." Was the straight-laced answer.

She shakes her head, making a disapproving sound. "You should really stop with the cold, tightened look, Kichan. You'll get wrinkles ahead of me."

Arima intertwines his finger with hers, looking at his beloved grandma affectionately.

"If you say so."

The only blood relative the shinigami had left was his grandmother over his mother's side, Suiren Arima. His family was long dead after a brutal massacre in connection with ghouls. Being left nearly as a young orphan with a senior citizen who was in bad shape herself, he resorted to learning under the CCG's wing in order to support them both.

Already slaying ghouls at the ripe age of 10, it had influenced him to be apathetic towards his prey; although sometimes, he would think about the lives he's ruined. True, they were flesh eating monsters but they must've had someone precious to them, mourning in their absence.

Perhaps, Sasaki--rather, Kaneki must've had people he held so closely. 

Arima reproaches himself in grim reminder, stigmas of sin that cannot be undone.

"--Kichan, are you listening?"

"Care to repeat that?" He sips the contents of chamomile in the teacup.

"Are you thinking about what you did to that ghoul, Kaneki Ken was it?" She lowers her voice, knowing that it was a sensitive topic to touch.

In his irregular visits, he would often confide in the elder what he's been up to, his investigations and in some rare moments, sharing his insights. He'd mention often about the case of Sasaki Haise, haunted of that grief stricken face with a twisted contortion of desolate beauty when he fought as Kaneki Ken. He shrugged that topic off with indifference until the said male shared the same roof with him a few years back.

"How's that lad faring?" Her knowledgeable emerald eyes bore with sympathy as she urged her grandson to continue.

He smiles a little, fondness over his unreadable face. "He's doing well."

"Speaking of which, do you like him?"

Arima nearly gags in his tea, settling it by the table's corner.

She laughs, slapping her legs in amusement. "So?"

"...How did you even reach to that conclusion?"

"Whenever there's a topic involving that boy, you seem to be really fond mentioning him." She taps her head with a finger. "I guessed you liked him, having women's intuition and all but I never really bothered stating the obvious."

"You don't seem to be disturbed by the fact that the one I pined for is _male_." He deadpans, challenging her into a poker face stare down.

She simply holds her stolid expression. " _Pined for_? So you two are lovers now?" 

"..."

"I've known you from the day you were born Kichan, you can't outsmart this old lady here. How long?"

"Nearly two months."

"Oh, how far have you gone?"

The bespectacled man clears his throat. "...Kissing." It was getting difficult to maintain his facade.

He brings his lips to the teacup's rim once more.

"No intercourse yet?"

The reaper this time, really chokes on the lukewarm beverage, coughing out harshly before placing the chinaware down once more. "Obaa-san, stop harassing me with all these questions." 

His grandmother flits her eyes, beaming at him. "You should bring him one of these days, you know? I really want to see this amazing person who's gotten through someone cold and poker faced as you."

He says nothing, only the aura of gloom befalls on him as an important remark that does not go unnoticed by the elder.

She giggles, wondering how this serious grown up can shift from being pensive into a sulky kid. 

* * *

 

As promised, his dear Haise had taken him out together on a festival date. He wanted to squeeze the living daylights of the boy for being so adorable in placating his frivolous jealousy a few days earlier.

"Over there, Arima-san!" The shorter of the two tugs the sleeve of his grey cardigan and points towards a booth that sold shaved ice.

"Can you consume that?"

"Probably if it's coffee poured on it."

He ruffles his head, walks ahead of him, pulling the younger close with his hand.

Arima slides 150 yen in exchange for a cup of shaved ice but instead, he recieves two from the female vendor.

The lady eyed their laced hands with... sparkles behind them?

"Here, a bonus for being a couple!" She thrusts out the two finished products to which the pair accepts with flustered perplexed expressions. 

"I guess that's what you call a fan girl?" Sasaki takes spoonfuls of his treat, delighted that he was able to taste such heavenly flavor.

"Most likely." He pauses in his tracks, a booth's banner attracting his eye.

"Found something?"

"A yukata booth."

"Would you like to try their clothes out?"

"No, I was thinking of making you wear them. A token of sorts."

"Seems like a good idea,"  Sasaki finishes the remaining shaved ice, smearing a considerable amount on his face without realizing, somewhere near his lips.

It was time for some revenge from the paper cut incident.

Arima laps off that small leftover of the dessert in the most sensual way possible with his tongue. He returns to his spot, devoid of emotion and a miniscule glint of mischief in his eyes.

The bespectacled man swallows, his adam's apple bobbing down. "Tasty."

Sasaki turns red all the way down to his neck, frozen in place.

Together with his styrofoam, he disposes of it in the trash bin and pulled his younger boyfriend once more towards that area.

"Welcome." A man and woman stood before the counter.

Going up close, he could make out that they were married, with matching rings in their index finger.

Arima stared at his companion's red face.

'...Cute.'

He kisses his fluffy, silky tresses before stating what he wanted. "Dress him in a suitable yukata."

"Sir, you should try it out as well!"

The female states excitedly, demanding his husband to attain the necessary fabric.

Maybe, she was a fangirl too.

"Yeah, Arima-san!" Sasaki looked up to the older expectantly.

It wouldn't for him to try in the least.

He heaves a long sigh, nodding in the lady's direction.

She starts squealing all of the sudden, ranting about how they get to have free embellishments.

* * *

 

Both of them walk out from the changing area simultaneously, guided out by the couple to a wall with a backdrop.

"Oh my god, they're like newly weds!" She shakes her husband with exaggeration.

You can almost pity the poor male.

"Stop with that, Yuu, you'll break the camera I'm holding."

Sasaki wore a yukata of alluring blue, a black-white patterned obi hugged his curves, a set of straw slippers were given and his hair was accessorized with hair ornaments, the flashy type.

Arima was robed with a black one, a simple blue sash around his waist and a small earpiece with a feather that extended down. He also had matching footwear with the younger.

Frankly speaking, they were a gorgeous pair.

"You look handsome in that attire, Arima-san." He complimented, grasping his hand as their pictures were being taken.

"..." The bespectacled man daringly kisses his cheek while the camera flashes, returning one of his own. "...You look beautiful, Haise."

Sasaki flushes again, pecking him back with a pout. "Again with the teasing."

Shortly, Arima paid for both of the attires they donned in. The couple really provided the embellishments and slippers for free but of course, he insisted on giving them a tip.

He tucks in the collection of photos together with their casual clothes in a given plastic. The pair bid farewell to them, still dressed in their yukata (The headpieces were stored as well in the plastic because they would stand out too much).

* * *

 

The rest of their date was spent on playing in the game booths, wishing in the shrine, and watching the hanabi.

Probably the highlight of the night next to the yukata photoshoot was the goldfish catching. The younger nearly got none while the older scooped up more than 10 goldfishes. Of course, they couldn't take it home so they just passed it to those children who couldn't get any.

And now, here they were, on their way back.

"It's already 1:06 A.M."

He pulls the brake, car stopping before the traffic light.

"You won't be going to the Chateau, Haise?"

"Well, it's just that, er...um," Sasaki scratches his cheek nervously. "I..uh.." Taking a deep breath, he turns red again ,trailing up the older's thigh before giving it a _more than suggestive_ squeeze.

His breath hitches for a second, understanding what the act meant.

"I-If that's okay," His eyes gaze down, not meeting Arima's stunned ones. "I'd like to spend the night with you, Kishou."

The red light that glared down their vehicle turned green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahahahaha I know I made it such a cliffhanger wahahahahahaha. So guys, what do you expect the next chapter to be about. •///w///•. Fyi I really thought it would be funny if he had a grandmother who'd be far more blunt than him xD.


	16. Banana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which sexy times ensue with a tinge of humor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, your awaited chapter has come! There's smut in this chapter but im feeling a little doubtful of my skills since this is the first time I wrote a lemon xD. Anyways, enjoy!!

"May I?" He leaned to him closer, not an ounce of regret in his face for what he had said.

Before he gets a response, the force of inertia pulls him back as the car starts to move again, the older's hands on the wheel. 

Was he just turned down?

"..." Arima doesn't budge from his driving position, diligently looking straight ahead in the road.

Sasaki dreaded if he was being wordlessly driven back to the Chateau. Maybe he suggested something _too soon_ to even be considered by the older... But then, the vehicle zoomed past the turn that would lead to the given place.

"Does this mean...?" He turns to be met with slightly chapped lips for a good 3 seconds.

The younger reddens, not expecting for that bold reply. Especially since it was the older.

"That should suffice as an answer."

Arima Kishou was facing a dilemma. The inexperienced reaper was handling a whirlwind of emotions. From that tempting offer from his dear Haise, he was _this_  close to pouncing on the innocent soul in his car. No, he wouldn't do that despite the Apple of Eden waving right at him; good things come to those who wait, after all.

* * *

 

By the time, they arrived at his residence, he silently ushered his lover up until his bedroom. In there, he would commence his attack.

"Kishou?" A tall shadow looms menacingly over him. He should've spoke up much more carefully because it took less than a millisecond for the man to start putting his hands all over the boy. 

Arima backed him up against the door, devouring every part of his body, leaving no area untouched.

The body under him shudders in respite, barely keeping up with the older's lips on his, licking here and there, cold, deft hands squeezing down his ass and moving back to his---.

"...Ah!" Sasaki grips the collar of his yukata while the taller of the two proceeds to attack his neck, sucking, nipping and he bites down with force.

The younger gasps, instinctively wrapping his legs around his mid-waist for support.

They meet lips again, this time much more languidly, slow and sensual as the bespectacled man guides both of their bodies towards the bed.

His finger ghosts over the alluring curves of his hips before laying his lover down.

He finally speaks with a barely audible whisper. "Are you sure about this, Haise?"

Honest to God, he didn't want to stop. Not when he was graced with such a sight. His lover sprawled across the sheets with a yukata barely covering his creamy, porcelain skin. One of his pert protrusions exposed, hair mussed, sweat glistened through his obviously lithe body and the red that adorned his cheeks just added to the exquisiteness. But, he would always prioritize the younger's decision. 

As old fashioned as the shinigami sounded, he wanted this to be an act of love, not plainly lust.

Sasaki gives him a reaffirmative embrace, arms hanging loosely around his neck. "If I wasn't, I wouldn't have been here with you, Kishou." He raises his head to give the man a peck, removing his specs as he settles down, placing them in the counter.

Taking a sharp intake of breath, he proceeds to remove the male's boxers, revealing an erect shaft, small beads of white already dripping down around the entrance.

Arima would've wanted to linger around the teasing and perhaps, even foreplay but with his current sense of urgency, that would have to wait.

He circles around the entrance lazily before sliding a digit in. The older checks to see how the younger was doing.

Sasaki squirms slightly yet it was not to say he was uncomfortable.

He probes a little further, pulling his finger out and going back in with a second finger, scissoring around, digging deep, trying to find that bundle of nerves that would make the younger scream in ecstasy.

And he does.

"N-ngh!" His eyes flew wide open at the feeling.

He repeats the motion in a fast pace.

Sasaki fists the sheets for dear life, knuckles turning nearly white.

"K-Kish-" He says in between shuddering gasps "Ki-shou..." 

He patiently stretches his insides, not wanting this to hurt but the younger's pleading was really testing his rationality.

He takes a nub inside his mouth, rolling his thumb over the other clothed nipple. Maybe it was just him; he thought that the gyrating friction between his thumb and silk made it oh so delicious for the body under him.

"Ku-ahh..." He gasps and brings a shaky hand to his cheek, mouthing the words that he was didn't need anymore of this.

Arima takes his hand, lips brushing over his fingertips before Sasaki fumbles for his sash with furrowed brows.

Was he trying not to destroy the mood?

The reaper gives a miniscule smile, pulling out his fingers with an audible pop, shrugging off the satin material, still in his boxers.

Sasaki pulls it down himself with unending shame, Arima, staring at him head on. He blushes at how toned his body was, marvelling on the perfectly sculpted planes of his stomach, trailing down to his evident arousal.

The ghoul investigator sighs in envy of the masculine Adonis body.

He licks the shell of his ear, bringing the former out of childish thoughts. "Like what you see?" That husky murmur would bring one to melt, Sasaki thought.

He nods shyly, suddenly feeling nervous about the whole ordeal.

Sensing his discomfort, Arima backs away. "Should I stop?"

Sasaki shakes his head, gazing at him with unfathomed want and passion. Combing through the white hair and then giving it a slight tug. "...Please continue."

He parts his legs with minimal resistance, bringing his quivering ass to his length. Inching bit by bit into the entrance, he whispers sweet nothings to ease the pressure.

But it was inevitable to experience pain, tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. Really, the way those tight, hot walls that clamped down his cock was making it hard for him to process his actions. It took all his willpower not to thrust into him. Were the gods mocking him for nearly being uncontrollable with a taste of the forbidden fruit?

He grips the base of the neglected shaft, stroking up and down, sometimes rolling over his slit, the barely heard hisses of pain turned into pleased sounds, moans slipping out of those delectable lips.

He was completely in but without the consent of the younger, he would not budge.

After a few agonizing minutes that were that of years, Sasaki gives a nod and that was all he needed to start moving.

Arima takes experimental, shallow thrusts at first, hand still on his shaft, trying to pleasure him.

His hips jolt at the unprecedented friction. 

But no, it's not enough.

More.

"...P---nnn please.." The younger bites his lower lip, exuding obscenity as it were. "...Faster..."

That was foul play.

He pulled his erection out and Sasaki whimpers at the loss of warmth before the older thrusts all the way, deep inside of him in that place.

"..ah!" He pounds relentlessly, holding one of the youngers leg up over his shoulder to gain more access to his prostrate. 

His screams speaking of unadulterated pleasure echo through the supposedly quiet room.

Hands on his hips, the delicious tempo doesn't diminish. Instead, it gradually increases.

Toes curling, he's just so close. Sasaki doesn't know how much longer he can keep up with this pace. His kakugan manifested uncaringly as solid proof but that doesn't deter him as the older continued.

"K-kishou.." His lips quiver. "C-close..." 

Feeling an unfamiliar warmth pool in his groin, he welcomes his climax. Only to be grasped roughly around his sensitive, weeping dick. It sended shivers down his spine. Sasaki looked at his partner desperately, wanting to come.

"I won't allow you." A husky whisper in his ear.

"B-but..." He stutters, eyes pleading.

The shinigami kisses him with utmost persuasion. He moans as his skillful tongue licks up the roof of the wet cavern.

"Wait." Arima begins his sharp thrusts again, speed at a whole new level.

His voice higher than before as the miserable feeling in his abdomen expanded together with the unhealthy gratification from their tedious but passionate lovemaking.

His weeping, hot shaft twitches helplessly in his hold, screaming for release.

"Please..." Drool drips down his chin, eyes induced in hazy heat. "Make me come, Kishou otou-san."

With that, Arima slams into him without abandon, kissing him deeply as he allows him to climax.

Sasaki can feel the man's cum pool in him, senses overloaded, his cock bursting with thick ribbons of white. "Mmnnph...!" He screams in ecstasy as their lips connected, his delayed orgasm almost dizzying that he was in a state of euphoria.

Arima pulls out, toppling next to the younger, narrowly missing him.

Who knew that intercourse was this taxing on the body? Even the post burden applied to the shinigami.

They catch their breaths for a minute or two, cuddling up despite the sticky mess.

Sasaki shrugs off his dirtied yukata (It was barely covering his body anyway), tossing it somewhere before puffing up his cheeks in frustration.

"Haise?" Arima leans his head over the open shoulder, meeting his eyes.

"That was mean," He dismisses his gaze. "I can't believe you would...do that."

"Do what?" The older played an innocent face, prying for his embarassment.

Sasaki scratches his head in frustration before kissing him in lips. That ought to shut the bully up. "The way you clamped down on my _banana_ was plain sadistic."

There was no helping it. He laughed. Hard.

Who uses banana as a substitute word?

"This isn't funny, you know..!" The younger goes beet red, weakly scolding him.

Arima brushes aside his sweaty fringe, kissing his forehead affectionately. "I offer a sincere apology," He hesitates for the term he was to use. "About your... banana."

Sasaki smiles, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I love you very much, Kishou."

This was not good.

The young investigator stifles a yelp as something hard brushes around his lower half.

"..." Arima shifts on top of him, grey eyes with smouldering desire. "...Let's have another go."

And so, the investigator couple barely had some shut-eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried making it sexy but i couldn't help but add the dorkiness xD. How was that? I know i suck but i tried T-T.


	17. Faltering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paying a visit to the source of kakuja farming may set a clue to his memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will put you on edge. I won't spoil anything more...xD

Warm gentle rays of the morning sun gleamed through the shutters of the glass pane; as if telling a certain couple in bed to wake up. The shorter of the two opens his eyes reluctantly, meeting with the sealed ones right next to him. 

He blinks before facing down his pillow, clutching it tightly. 

'Oh my god.' Sasaki blushes from the acknowledgement of what had transpired last night.

Firm, lean and masculine arms encircled around his bare waist, tugging him close to his chest. 

"Morning." The older greets him sluggishly, his lousy demeanor makes the younger's heart swoon effortlessly.

Finally having the courage to look up, he smiles at Arima adoringly, fingers running through his hair.

"Good morning Kishou." 

They stay entangled, limb to limb for the past hour until Sasaki props his upper half up slowly. "We have to work, Kishou."

The older, still holding his waist, lays his head on the back, stubbornly so. "No."

"Kishou..." 

"I refuse." 

He grips those warm hands, gently trying to remove them but failing. "Otou-san, really." Sasaki calls him with everlasting patience. 

"If you kiss me first." 

The younger sighs before turning around, giving him what he wanted. "You act so childish, Kishou."

"Only for you, Haise." Finally contented, Arima reaches for his glasses before stepping out of the bed together.

* * *

 

"With syrup or without?" Sasaki raises his voice over in the kitchen so Arima could hear him as he transfers the pancakes onto the platter.

"With." The rustling of the newspaper's pages could be heard.

Untying the apron and removing it, he walks with a cup of coffee and the plate of pancakes. 

"Here." He sets the older's breakfast and drink by the table.

Muttering a word of thanks, the bespectacled man starts to dig in as Sasaki watches him eat. 

After the morning routine, they head for work via Arima's vehicle. Halting by the spotlight, both simultaneously clean their specs before placing it in their respective glasses case. 

The younger stared into the unframed eyes of the older, never able to get a really good glimpse at it.

Arima catches his stare, slightly perturbed. "Is something in my face?" 

"You're really handsome." He blurted out. 

Entering through the Main HQ's Parking, the older gives him a long smooch to which, as if it was cued, results into the younger's flusteredness.

"Someone might see us you know." Kissing him back in the cheek despite saying that. 

"Let them." He bites at the bridge of his nose playfully. 

Just then, incessant ringing coming from his pinstriped pocket ceases their affectionate activity. The younger answers it with utmost profession and seriousness before hanging up. 

"I have to go to the CCG Lab with Akira-san," He heaved a heavy sigh. "I know it's too much to ask but, can you teach the kids some techniques for an hour or so?" 

Arima nods. "I'm not busy today, I suppose." 

Sasaki pecks at him, smiling. "Thank you." 

In truth, today's work schedule was very packed but a single smile from the younger would be worth cancelling several appointments.

He takes his glasses case before hurriedly setting out; Sasaki waves his hand while dashing towards the elevator area.

* * *

 

'An hour would do.' Arima opens those wooden doors, room occupied by the Quinckes squad.

"Sassan---" Shirazu's voice dies down, jaw dropping.

Mutsuki and Urie share the same expression. Saiko just smiles goofily, greeting him. "Hi grandpa." 

"I will be your mentor for today." Arima deadpans.

The three's faces become even more shell-shocked and he blinks slowly before staring around the frame of his glasses as well as recognizing the lower grade. 'I must've switched with Haise.'

Saiko's eyes widen in recognition, statement made loud and clear. "Those glasses are Maman's," She shakes in disbelief. "You're Papan then?!"

* * *

 

"Haise."

"Akira-san." He bows his head slightly out of respect before following her suit towards the second parking level. 

"We've been thinking about your new quinque..." Akira fixes her crooked tie, putting him under a steady gaze while doing so. "It's still a prototype but nevertheless, high quality." 

"Arata, then?"  

"Yes," She glances through the held files. "Doctor Chigyou designed dual wielding quinques for you." 

Sasaki contemplates on visiting this kind, imprisoned ghoul. Arata, despite holding an SS Rank, was a gentle and meek man in their rare conversations. "May I speak with him for today, Akira-san?" 

Talking with him puts the younger investigator at ease somehow. The girl from :re had shared a similar vibe and profile to Arata. Almost to the point where he thought they could be family.

 _Family._  

* * *

 

Despite the oddities of the man's arrival, the squad doesn't press further with regards to his glasses. Now, they were heavily incapacitated as they tried charging at Arima on the table.

"Mutsuki, your left leg lags too much." The shinigami kicks the male out of the table's boundaries and the greenette groans in response.

 Shirazu throws a punch from behind but the older catches it, throwing him off with brute, precisioned force.  

"You need to think with tact; elevate your wrists more too." Arima adds his comment like he wasn't avoiding the tenacious kicking of Urie. 

He jabs his ribs not so gently before shoving him off the table. "You focus too much on dealing a blow, neglecting your defenses, Urie."

Saiko just lays down the table, resigned to her fate.

"Saiko," He pokes her head, bending down. "I'll request Haise to cut off your snack supply. That is, if you continue laying there."

The female NEET, threatened by the loss of her cookies, stands up, in a fighting stance. 

"Papan!" She charges at him, narrowly dodging the bespectacled man's kicks. 

"The reaction time you have is great but," He brings out the wobbling exhausted figure of the wooden arena with a single shove. "You don't have the stamina to keep up with it."

Arima dusts off the dirt in his pants, loosening his tie. "Those were just warm-ups, by the way."

They all groan in defeat while Shirazu swears to himself. 'Are you fucking kidding me?'

* * *

 

Two silhouttes walk down the solemn hall.

"By the way, aren't those clothes Special Class Arima's?" Akira takes note of the specs he wore. "That too." 

"Oh, um..." He scratches his head, currently being scrutinized by the female superior. "Are you in _spec_ ting me?" Maybe a pun could help... 

"Nice try, Haise." She puts a hand on her hip. "So, Arima shares more than a familial love for you." 

He flushes, clasping his hands together. "I would appreciate it... if you keep it confidential."

The woman gives a tightlipped smile, walking with him side by side. "Of course."

* * *

 

"I'll attain your new quinques." She pats him in the back. "You have a time limit of," Akira checks her watch. "Five minutes." 

He stood before a quinque-esque dome. Upon entering it, Sasaki shows his identification card to the hostile looking guard to proceed.

"How are you doing, Arata-san?" 

A blue haired male comes into view, smiling at him warmly as if there was no special glass divider between them. "As usual, Sasaki-kun."

Sasaki frowns at his optimistic demeanor, aware of the CCG's daily extraction of his kagune. For the longest of times, he would try avoiding this morbid side of the where he worked; yet in contrast, he can't help but feel anger and guilt boiling from not being able to do anything. The younger investigator believes that maybe, not all ghouls were bad and ready to tear your arteries out.

"I wanted to speak with you, nothing significant." The security cameras in the room were not recording the audio so he wouldn't get in trouble.

"You and that white haired man aren't like those other investigators."

"White haired man...? You mean Special Class Investigator Arima?"

He massages his shoulder, Arata feeling a crick there. "The one who wears glasses."

"Arima-san's a kind man." He closes his eyes, relaxed. "I'll bring some high quality coffee for you next time."

For the rest of the time duration, Sasaki updated him of what was happening outside, his imprisoned friend (He considered him as one) didn't cut in his conversations, listening to him diligently.

"Before I forget there's this coffee cafe I often pay a visit to." 

His dark blue eyes spark in interest. "Full details then."

"They make really good coffee," He sighs contentedly. "To think there were only two workers."

"That barista must be talented."

"Speaking of which, there's this girl who resembles you. She has blue eyes, purplish blue hair..." 

The adult stiffens in his position, reverting back to a happy smile a second later. He asks, almost afraid to hear the answer. "What's her name?"

It couldn't be.

"Touka."

"Time's up." The guard knocks from the other side of the room.

Sasaki stands up, expecting a goodbye.

What he got was a troubled look from the ghoul before he snaps into his senses and waves a late goodbye.

'His smile... it faltered for a second.' 

On the way back to CCG, the Rank 1 investigator focuses on the adult's strange behavior this morning.

The answer to the jigsaw puzzle was yet to be uncovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you were all fooled by that fluffy intro *-*. Shit will go down peeps.


	18. Starvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sasaki has realized many things. Like how the shinigami cared for him no matter the situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIY, this chapter's kinda serious, something you wouldn't expect from me but, I hope you enjoy :).

The young man enters the cafe quietly, almost unnoticed by the barista that worked there. 

"Welcome, Sasaki." The blue haired beauty greets. "Alone?"

"Nice to see you again, Touka-chan." Sasaki closes his eyes out of sole contempt. "Alone."

Having the typical order, he settles down on the table next to the glass pane.

'Arata-san was acting unusual.' His thoughts dart back from his recent visit. 'Around the part I mentioned about Touka-chan, he stiffened up. Maybe, by a slim chance...'

She serves a steaming cup of Arabian beans. "Thank you for the wait."

"Oi." He doesn't reply, remaining like a statue after she called his attention half a minute ago.

Still passive towards his surroundings, Touka smacks his head, eliciting a pained groan by the investigator.

"Ow." Sasaki didn't get mad, instead, eyed her with sad puppy dog eyes.

Touka makes a tsking sound, putting her hands on her hips. "Geez, you should listen idiot Ka--" She closes her mouth abruptly, almost letting nostalgia take over her and do its consequential bidding.

_Kaneki._

"Ka--?" Sasaki notices the slip of her tonque, curious.

Feigning obliviousness, she stares right at him. "Hmm?"

"Oh," He scratches his head in mild embarrassment. "Must've heard it wrong, sorry."

She inwardly applauds herself for being able to slide through though guilty of lying to the investigator. Glancing back, Sasaki held this serious air around. 

"Something on your mind?"

"No, nothing in particular." The latter touches his chin.

Sasaki could never have the courage to question her about SS-Ranked Arata. The young investigator feared that if he did, the girl might actually have connections to him, therefore leading to the probability of her being a ghoul. It would be better to leave it at that. He just committed a taboo in his line of work right now, heart too soft but it was worth it. One way or another, this girl was precious to him. 

He wanted to protect this cafe and the people in it.

Touka grimaces at the reminder a certain blonde gave her years ago.

_'When he touches his chin, he's usually hiding something.'_

"You're lying." Her voice wavers at the end, somewhat disappointed at the small amount of trust he's placed in her.

Her response awakened a sense of deja vu in the male. Then, he feels remorse.

"Touka-chan, I don't want to involve you." In his eyes reflected a sad slate of silver. "So, I'll take it upon myself."

The bluenette grips the platter tightly, dismissing her own presence in a flash.

 

* * *

**CCG Headquarters**

His stomach grumbles noisily while his body writhes in pain by the restroom's cubicle.

'It hurts.'

Along with it, the horrible headache and the series of hallucinations.

Sounds of rattling shackles against the floor could be heard. _"You should eat."_

Sasaki pulls his hair in frustration, making a grim order to the entity. "Scram."

 _He_ smiles amusedly, cracking his fingers as he does so.  _"All the more I should stay."_

* * *

Rubbing soothing circles on his temples, the migraine he had this morning increased tenfold with the noises surrounding the worn out male. If not, within.

"Like I said, dorritos are the same as burritos!" The deliquent exclaimed.

Saiko heaves a long breath before going back to her game. "Shiragin, they aren't."

_"Haise."_

"They aren't Shirazu." The greenette puts a hand over his shoulder.

_"What's one thousand minus seven?"_

"Even you, Tooru?"

Loud.

Urie glances through the given sheets, earphones playing music at the highest volume.

_"You're being eaten."_

Annoying.

His stomach lets out a low whine, the degree of pain felt like several daggers stabbing him at once.

He was hungry.

Sasaki's left eye twitches almost imperceptibly as the disturbances around him continue.

Shirazu retorts. "Are you reall--"

_"Youshouldeateateateateateateateateateat..."_

Sasaki holds his head, not being able to take the voices anymore. "Shut up shut up shut up shut up!" The unexpected statement turned the room into a standstill.

"M-Maman..?"

He clenches his teeth, taking long strides out of the room.

* * *

Going back to the Chateau early wasn't the most productive thing to do. At least, there was the consolation of silence. 

Only to be replaced with his own pained sounds mixed with hunger.

Blotches of red, blue and yellow filled his vision, the horrible wave of nausea experienced.

He unsteadily climbs up the stairs, passing out as he took a step in the second floor.

* * *

 

"With that said, our meeting is concluded." The reaper snaps the file shut.

After the meeting room was cleared out of its occupants, Arima flips his phone out to contact his beloved Haise.

Ring ring.

No response.

He tries to call him, again and again, awarded with not a single response. 

The bespectacled man taps his foot worriedly. 'He would turn off his phone if he was in a mission but...' 

It had rung.

He presses another contact in his list, seeking for an answer.

"Is Haise there?"

"He went early, Arima-san." Shirazu seemed troubled as he replied.

"Got it," Chateau then. "You have my thanks."

Arima hangs up, proceeding to wear his overcoat. 

He purses his lips slightly, walking briskly towards the parking area.

* * *

Arima knocks on the door for the nth time, there was still no sign of Sasaki.

'Pardon the intrusion.' He backs a step or two, busting the door open with a round house kick.

He'd pay for the repairs later.

Hearing a groan around the staircase area, he hurries towards the source.

The older sees him lying on the floor, clutching his stomach, the rinkaku at his back with tentacles in disarray.

"Haise!" He raises his voice as he puts the younger in his hold. Shaking the semi-conscious body, "Snap out of it!"

_"Ah, smells nice."_

Without thinking, the hungry male bites down his clothed shoulder in the right side, tearing out a heavy chunk of flesh and fabric.

The taller of the two holds back a pained hiss, eyes closed shut from the horrible sting. 'He was hungry.'

For some reason, he didn't feel fear from being near this half-ghoul although unarmed. Maybe, because this half-ghoul was special to him.

His eyes soften, caressing his hair as if there was no risk in doing so. With a gentle tone, he asks. "You were starving, weren't you?"

Sasaki freezes from his actions, showing a sign of recognition.

"It's fine." The lean arms hug him around the lowest part. "Your scheduled meal will still be given tomorrow, therefore, help yourself." He shifts closer to his lover, willing to sate him.

What was he thinking? His hunger brought him out to the extremes.

"Otou-san..." Sasaki starts to sob, clutching the back of his coat as he takes another bite. After two small partakings of his flesh, he stops, kagune beginning to fade away.

His appetite disappeared completely, revulsed by what he did to the reaper.

The older continues to caress the fluffy tuff of hair as the shorter leans down on his unaffected side, tears soaking the fabric as he apologizes repeatedly. "Kishou, I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry--" 

His remaining apologies were cut as the taller kisses him lovingly, thumb rolling over his jaw. "I told you it's fine, Haise."

* * *

 

Arima, shoulder now bandaged and clothed clean, dictated the story he read with Sasaki in his bedroom. The couple cozied up in the bed, younger sitting on his lap. 

"Haise."

"Mhmm?"

"I know you've been hiding something."

He stiffens up, averting his eyes. "About that--"

"I'll wait."

"...Huh?"

"Until you're ready to share your burdens."

Sasaki smiles, holding his right hand. "Those cheesy lines again, Kishou otou-san." He clutches the warm hand for assurance, heaving a deep breath. "Thank you."

'I should be saying that to you.' The reaper felt blessed by his presence alone.

The corners of his mouth twitch, taking out another book from the bedside.

"Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was good. I kinda feel inferior compared to other writers but I must continue because you readers have supported me xDDDDDDDDD.


	19. Curiousity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quinckes Squad was rather curious of how deep the bond of their mentor and shinigami ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be smut, again xD. I'm so sorry for not being able to update for the past 2 weeks. My school has been giving out a lot of projects but fortunately, school will end next week! Expect a whole lot of updates from me this summer :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. By the way, if there are some terms in this chapter's content you're unfamiliar with, check the end notes for their definition. I feel so irresponsible doing this while studying for my exams xD.

"A dog bit your shoulder?" The son of Tsuneyoshi, Yoshitoki asks questioningly while receiving a folded parchment from the CCG's reaper.

"Yes, as how you stated it." Arima adjusts his glasses. "Tenri Kazuo, my second-in-command, will be leading Squad 0 in my absence."

Yoshitoki lets out a small chuckle, the stern being shaking slightly in mirth. "Request accepted."

He raises an eyebrow at the man's behavior. "Is something laughable in this matter?"

"I was rather surprised to see you request for a entire week off for recovery, but for a Special Class such as yourself to have been caught off guard by a dog..."

He slightly bows as a form of farewell, hiding a miniscule smile when he turned to leave. "I suppose it is laughable." 

But this **"dog"** was quite special.

Going past the gates of the CCG, the bespectacled man notices a very familiar face.

"Ki-chan!" His grandmother waved in his direction, greeting him with a cheeky smile.

His eyes widen in recognition, finding his two feet instinctively walking towards his blood relative. "Obaa-san, what are you doing here?"

"To see you of course!" Suiren tackles him into a hug, patting his back soothingly.

The Special Class Investigator was rather elated to see his loved one visit him all the way from Hinohara, but in this situation where his fellow workers lurked in the same area as the both of them, it was rather embarrassing.

"Obaa-san, people are looking." 

"So straightforward Ki-chan." She graces him with the removal of her hold. "Can we go to your residence then? I need to talk with you privately."

* * *

 

The bespectacled man places a cup of tea on the table before settling next to her in the couch.

"I've been thinking lately about you and that Sasaki guy."

"What about it?"

"Have you ever thought if there would come a time where his memories would return?"

Arima freezes at the end of the sentence, mouth shut.

It had been a daunting possibility, considering the hunger incident a few days back.

"..."

"Sorry for making you uncomfortable. I am concerned about you Ki-chan and how you will handle the situation if it would happen."

"Not at all." He felt his throat dry up, oddly affected by that question.

If the boy would find out on what he did to him...

V14.

That certainly was an unpleasant battle.

But.

"If that was the case obaa-san, no matter how much he would despise me for my sins, I will still love Sasaki Haise-- no, Kaneki Ken."

Hell be damned, he would be happy to die by the hands of the half-ghoul.

What complicated love this was.

Suiren holds both of his hands together with hers, smiling. "Love has turned you into a fine man, Ki-chan."

"I suppose."

"Before I forget, here." She hands a dark brown envelope.

Opening the fold, he takes out several thick coupon shaped items. "Tickets?"

"I won in a local lottery and instead of a cash prize, they gave me coupons to an onsen resort in Hokkaido. I'm too old for those things so I thought you should use it with your boyfriend. A free 2 night stay per usage of coupon."

"I don't think I should use all six coupons with Haise."

"Ara ara, you don't want a long honeymoon with him?"

"Obaa-san." He frowns.

"Invite someone to tag along." She giggles, amused by his reaction.

"Thank you, obaa-san."

"Don't mention it," Her eyes widen. "I'm going to be late for my salon appointment."

"I can drive you there."

"No need. You are still healing from that shoulder wound, aren't you? Just conserve your energy."

Arima blinks. How did she notice? He never recalled telling her about his injury.

"The way your right shoulder moves is too restrained if you're wondering how I noticed, Ki-chan"

Despite her old age, she remained perceptive. Her observing skills were always sharper than most. They were truly related.

"Let me get you a cab in the least."

* * *

 

Waving a goodbye to her grandson, she steps inside the taxi which started in motion seconds later.

As he looked out towards the direction his grandmother left in, another car comes into view, passing hers.

Upon closer inspection, the car's plate number was PUN 411.

It was obviously Sasaki's.

The shorter of the two pecks him on the cheek, scratching his head after. "I heard from Yoshitoki-san. Sorry."

"I'm not particularly a workaholic, Haise." He lightly embraces him. "Why did you come here?"

"Ah, I just came to return the books I borrowed. My turn to ask." Sasaki beams at him. "Why were you outside?"

"I sent my grandmother off. You just missed her by mere seconds."

"Really?! I'd like to meet her."

Letting out a fond smile, he speaks. "Next time." He rests his hand on each side of the younger's shoulders. "How do you feel about going to a hot spring resort?"

* * *

  **Wakkanai Airport, Hokkaido** **  
**

"Uwaa! Th-This is Hokkaido?!" Saiko enthusiastically hops in each step.

"Tooru, let's try out the baths together!" Shirazu hooks an arm around his shoulder.

Mutsuki avoids eye contact with his friend, a small red tint on his dark skin. "I'd rather not..."

Urie, as usual, just stays silent as he walks with the squad members.

"Guys, you aren't the only people here," Sasaki lightly reprimanded them, stopping in the checkpoint to take back their luggage. He turns around to his taller companion. "Sorry for bringing them along Arima-san."

"I have nothing against it, Haise." Arima ruffles his hair affectionately, not paying attention to the deep stare the rest of their companions gave.

* * *

**Hotel Mahoroba**

The first thing the pig-tailed NEET did was make contact with the comfy looking mattress. "Heaven!"

Shirazu and Mutsuki chortle at the same time. Urie was probably smiling too.

"You guys will be staying in this room. If you need me, I am situated in a ryokan near the mountain slope to your right, the second to the last inn."

"What about Arima-san, Sassan?" Shirazu squats on the tatami, hugging a fluffy pillow.

"I will be staying with Haise." He bluntly puts off. 

Their mouths go agape, not even Urie could hold his surprise.

"Then, we'll be going. Feel free to explore Hokkaido." The bespectacled man slides the japanese door, shutting it.

"O-oi, did I hear right?" 

"Shirazu-kun, our suspicions about Special Class Arima wearing Sasaki's glasses..."

"Could be correct." Urie finishes the greenette's sentence, taking part in their conversation.

Saiko grins creepily, were her eyes flashing?

Oh, maybe she was one of those people who fangirls on homo relationships. Fujoshi was it?

Wait.

Homo relationships.

Forbidden love between their mentor and CCG's Shinigami?!!!

"This is not happening!" Shirazu tries to get rid of the disturbing imagery that played in his mind.

Mutsuki blushes brightly. Urie is petrified. Saiko remains to be in her strange state. 

There was only one way to make sure.

"As Quinckes Squad Leader, I commence a new operation." The deliquent held a grave expression. "Mission to stalk Sassan and Arima-san is a go!"

"I refuse to join such a frivolous activity.(What are you even talking about, dumbass?)" Urie scoffs, one hand ready to put back his earpiece on.

"But, isn't this a perfect way to know more about Arima-san?" Mutsuki suggests, giving a supportive squeeze on Shirazu's shoulder. 

"..." Truth be told, Urie was awfully curious about the relationship of his mentor and the man that he admired in terms of prowess. But, should he join, he was afraid to know if his suspicions were confirmed.

Because he was fatally attracted to Sasaki Haise. A half-ghoul he thought he had despised.

**Flashback:**

_"Ah, Urie-kun. " His mentor tugged on the collar of his tank top, moving his sweaty bangs away from his eyes. "Would you like to spar with me?"_

_"No thanks." His eyes wander to the perfectly sculpted form in front of him. "Requesting permission to handle a lead on our current case alone (Just say yes you hybrid bastard.)"_

_Sasaki pouts a small bit. "Alright, just call us if you need support."_

_"Yeah." As he prepared to leave, the said bastard utters a statement lowly._

_"Be careful, Urie-kun." He smiles so endearingly to him. "I believe in your capabilities."_

_If he was his usual self that time, he would've thought in his mind that those encouragements repulsed him but for some reason, he found him really cute._

_What._

_Urie jolts uncharacteristically, having a slow reaction. "A-ah, I'll be off."_

He tried hating and containing him in the same light as those who left his father for dead, yet, there was this jittery feeling whenever he was with the older investigator. It never dissipated. 

Urie was an intellegent teen. He knew what this feeling was. So when he saw Arima with his mentor's glasses, he felt some sort of jealousy flame within him naturally, frighteningly.

"...If you diminish your obnoxiousness, I'll tag along."

Shirazu smiles triumphantly, dragging Saiko with him. "Let's go!"

* * *

Slapping up some disguises and hiding in corners actually did the opposite of invisibility.

They stood out.

"These disguises are too tacky (Do you even have a brain?)"

"Eh, let's just lay off the moustache and coat then." Shirazu proposes, already stripping off the parts that stood out the most while the rest followed suit.

"Look!" They huddle up closely, seeing their target.

Arima was chatting with Sasaki, walking down the path next to a field of flowers.

Thankfully, they could hear the whole conversation. Being a Quinckes had its perks.

"Haise, where should we go to next?"

"That depends on you, Kishou."

First name basis.

After the flower bed, they went to a ramen shop, some rustic bookshop and finally, back on their way to their ryokan.

They more or less followed them throughout the popular tourist spots in Hokkaido.

Besides the fact that their mentor uses Arima's first name, the rest of their interactions remained insignificant.

Shirazu yawns, popping some neck muscles. "I don't know about you guys, m'tired already."

They nod to each other, standing up from their crouched positions by the bushes.

And then, the squad leader's phone rings.

He jumps to press the caller ID, startling the rest of his team.

"Ginshi Shirazu here."

"It isn't very polite of you to stalk us, Shirazu." The deadpan tone could only mean one thing.

Arima.

"We-Well I-I uh- don't know what you're talking a-about..." He becomes a stuttering mess.

"45 degrees to my right, on the bushes next to the garden side is your location." 

"I don't---"

"I knew from the start."

Fuck, he was the CCG's Reaper alright.

"You, Urie, Saiko and Mutsuki... Expect a sermon tomorrow."

He hangs up.

Shirazu drops his arm limply, face saying everything.

"We were caught, weren't we?" Mutsuki sweatdropped.

The NEET pokes his cheek repeatedly, "Are we going to die, Shiragin?"

Urie, appears straight faced even in this situation. "I'll be heading back."

He ignored the painful throb in his chest.

* * *

 

"Kishou, are you done with your call?" His dear Haise approaches him.

Arima nodded.

"So," Sasaki coughs. "Was I wrong about someone following us?"

The bespectacled man leaves the question unanswered, holding his hand as they went. "I want to try their onsen, Haise."

He smiles. "Hai hai."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinohara- a village near Tokyo, also a rural area  
> Hokkaido- an island of Japan. I s2g that their hot spots with onsens are to die for.  
> Onsen- Hot spring  
> Ryokan- Traditional Japanese Inn  
> Tatami- The traditional mat.  
> Fujoshi-Fangirls of Boys Love  
> Yaoi- Boy's Love xD  
> Lmao I don't know Hokkaido so well but just imagining some Arisasa times in an onsen was worth browsing through the internet xD. PREPARE FOR THE HOLY SEXY TIMES NEXT CHAPTER YE.


	20. Hickey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sasaki provides more than scrubbing in the bath and faces a very strange problem the following day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just fresh from being forever scarred by TGA's ending but nevertheless, I had to steel myself to finish this chapter. Uuu.... I'm a sobbing mess right now but I shall carry on by the power of the TG fandom :,D. (Suffering like the rest of the fans) SO THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SMUT. If it makes you uncomfortable, you can skip this. Anywho, by the power of Arisasa gods, I hope I'm getting better at writing lemons DX.

On the way back to their situated ryokan, the younger one becomes silent all of the sudden.

And of course, this doesn't get unnoticed by the CCG's Reaper.

"Haise."

Sasaki doesn't seem to hear him, continuing to walk the cobbled path.

Arima blinks at his passiveness, pinching one of his cheeks to grab his attention.

"Kishooo, zat's p-painfur. (Kishou, that's painful.)"

"You weren't responding." He rolls a thumb in the slightly swollen area to sooth it.

Sasaki averts his eyes, trying to avoid his eye contact. "Sorry."

"Is something bothering you?"

He touches his chin and smiles awkwardly. "Not at all."

"Anyone could see that you're lying, Haise." Arima deadpans, halting his steps. "You can tell me anything."

Knotting his brows, he faces Arima with a troubled look. "Why am I not in Cochlea right now?"

"..."

"After I went crazy, bit your shoulder, and dug onto your flesh, I thought it would be a given consequence."

'I myself, don't know too.' Arima thought.

If Sasaki would've been any other ghoul, he would not get as close to the investigator in a meter's radius, unarmed or not, but, he was precious to the stoic man.

"True, your actions are punishable by a temporary stay at Cochlea." 

He flinches at the frank reply.

Arima reaches for his hand, making a reassuring squeeze. "But, I would never allow that to happen." 

Sasaki grasps the warm hand tightly.

"If anyone, regardless of who she or he is, would do so much as to touch a single hair on you, I would kill that person in the most painful way possible."

The younger recalls the ramen shop incident three years ago. He was still able to recall how the shinigami bloodily butchered that unfortunate ghoul.

He wasn't lying about that.

Sasaki tiptoes to give him a fluttering kiss, grinning wholeheartedly. "What do ghouls eat, Kishou?"

"Raw men was it?" He offers a miniscule smile, walking comfortably with the male.

* * *

"This is so luxurious..." Sasaki gapes at his surroundings.

They had a private onsen connected to their ryokan for them to use only. It was semi-open, with thick wooden walls surrounding the area but air was allowed into the bath because there was no ceiling.

"Are you going in or not?" The older was already in the hot water, leaving his glasses in the ledge.

"Y-yeah." He carefully treads towards the bath.

Upon sinking in the healing waters, he groans. The water did magic to his aching muscles that were tired from travelling.

Arima flexes his shoulders to avoid cramping and sighs at the pleasant feeling. Both sweat and water dripped off from his chin, going down his collarbones. 

It was kind of infuriating for the older to look so attractive even if he wasn't doing anything special in the bath.

Sasaki sinks further to hide the blush that was definitely not from the heat while creating bubbles in the water. He knows it isn't the right time but...

Arima suddenly gets up, walking towards the shower area. Sasaki decidedly follows him, sitting in a stool next to his.

"I'll scrub your back, Kishou." 

Doing a curt nod, his back faces Sasaki. 

Sasaki freezes when he sees the horrible wound he's caused on the right side. Touching it with gentle fingers, he examines the affected shoulder. "Does it still hurt?"

"Not much."

He scrubs each part with tender care, all the while admiring his muscles. There were many things he wanted know, one of which was the form of his hallucinations, his memories, and origin. He still wanted to find out about his memories but it wouldn't be bad to take things slowly. After all, the reaper might worry. 

Feeling bad for the man's injury, he blurts out a very tempting offer.

"I'll be at your service today. Is there anything you want me to do?"

"Something I want you to do?" Arima inquires, curious.

"Yeah, I feel really bad about eating a chunk of you..." He twiddles with his fingers nervously, scrutinized by the taller male.

He ruffles his hair. "You don't need to do anything, Haise."

"No," Sasaki looks at him, determined. "I insist."

A small curve forms at his lips. "You...insist?"

"Then," He tugs at his hair slightly. "Show me how you prepare yourself while I watch."

Silence.

Arima closes his eyes, looking amused. "I was kidding, Haise."

"I'll do it." That response catches the older off guard.

Did he hear right?

Sasaki licks his digits with spit, guiding it after to his own ass. He closes his eyes as he probes the walls, too embarrassed to look at Arima. Mewling as he twists his fingers just right, his dick starts to turn rigid. Fingering himself deeper made him cry out harder.

By the time Arima went out of his shock, the younger pushes him down, placing his legs on either side of older's hips so that he straddled the reaper. "I'll take care of things from here." He reddens uncontrollably as he starts.

Arima bobs his throat, pondering on how arousing and innocent he could be at the same time.

He positions Arima's hot dick into his entrance, slowly going down, inch by inch until he reaches the base. It elicits a quiet moan from the other, the wet heat surrounding his thickness made it hard to process his deductive reasoning.

Sasaki's mouth forms a pleased O, feeling it deeply penetrate him.

His lips quiver as he starts to move his hips up... and then down slowly, his hands pressed on the other's stomach. He repeats the process agonizingly. "I hope this _-nnn_ , feels good for," He gasps,"You." 

It was. And that's what made it even harder not to touch him. Arima loses his patience, hands reaching for his lower area.

Sasaki slaps it away, weakly glaring at him with teary eyes, "Don't." He tosses away any form of retaliation from the older when he rides on the said man. Hard.

Moaning out loud, he uses one of his hands to pleasure himself as he continues to ride him. "Ah!" He proceeds even faster, the desired friction present. "Ki-ah-Kishou.!" Sasaki screams out.

Arima's eyes turned from stunned into wanting. Pleased from how his name escaped from those lips, he thrusts from down below, resulting a strangled cry from the male on top. " _..C-coming_!"

His red swollen tip ejaculates, spreading some cum between both bodies. Noticing how Arima hadn't come yet, he makes a special effort to slam down on his cock at the hardest force he can muster. The older makes a very deep grunt, a blush had crept on his cheeks as he reached his own orgasm.

Sasaki rests his head on the very warm chest, taking a deep breath. As he separated the older's cock from his ass, he apologizes for getting some of his release on the older's face. To which the elder licks.

"Spit that out!" He flushes.

"I shouldn't waste a treat." 

Covering his eyes while standing up from their position, Arima follows. 

"I'll go back to bathing." Sasaki is abruptly pinned to the wall by Arima.

He feels something brush his lucid dick. "Kishou, I..." His remaining words get swallowed whole by the time he looks at the older.

His eyes seemed feral and the way the older gazed down on him like prey made him shiver. "Haise," Arima seals the distance in a bruising kiss, tongue roughly tangling with his, murmuring close to his lips after that. "Who said I was done with you?"

He shudders in response, something warming up in his lower regions.

"Hands. On the wall. Now."

Now it was Sasaki's turn to bob his throat. Never had he heard his lover order him around so frankly but God, it got him in that mood. Nodding with a red face, he rests his hands on the wooden wall and sticks his ass up slightly.

In a way he felt exposed but he thought it was all worth it. A light caress on his cheek was made as the older entered him once more.

Arima thrusts into him furiously, resulting a feverish mess out of the other. 

"Nngh...A-ah ah!" His hips move down to meet his thrusts, hands clawing at the wall in a futile matter.

Everything felt hot and moist, yet very pleasurable. Sasaki wondered how everything abruptly changed. He must've flipped a switch inside the investigator. Then, worry overcomes his pleasure.

"T-Time out Kishou." He pants, trying to turn to face him

This gesture doesn't deter the man as he sneaks a hand to play with his nipples "..."

"Ah!" He mewls at the tingly sensation while the assault from behind added ecstasy. "Time out! S-Ah!-Seriously!" Sasaki throws a glare.

Arima nips him on the ear, replying with a no.

His back arches, head tossed back. "Your injury!" Sasaki half-moans.

He finally pauses, befuddled. 'He was worried about that?'

The corners of his lips quirk, sighing. "My shoulder is fine, Haise."

Sasaki Haise was going to be the death of him.

Sasaki closes his eyes, relaxed. "That's a relief." He turns his head half-way, capturing his lips.

Arima deepens that kiss, pounding into the male once more. It was not long before they reached their climax together.

The younger stiffens once he's realized Arima was hard again. "...Wh-Why are you still?"

"May I indulge in you for the third time," He purrs slightly. "Rank 1 Sasaki Haise?"

"...Yes..." He whispers, embarrassed.

Having a devilish thought, the taller of the two starts stroking the other's half-hard dick.

Sasaki gasps in shock and pleasure. 

"I can't hear you."

"Kishou," He tries snapping that hand away fruitlessly while moaning. "I already said yes..!"

Arima doesn't budge, wanting to hear something more. He strokes him faster, in a vice-like grip.

Biting his lips to stifle the lewd sounds, Sasaki tries to exhaust his mind in what more the man wanted.

"You can fuck me the third time, Special Class Arima." That delayed statement took guts, hoping he didn't have to repeat that.

It snapped the control of the other, shifting in a comfortable position he saw fit in such a speed that would've broke a world record before fucking him senseless.

The body under him twitched and writhed in pleasure, moaning out his name like there was no tomorrow.

Arima too, lets out a small but deep moan, clenching his teeth on how much Sasaki tightened.

He flipped the body on the slippery floor, slamming into him without a second thought.

"Ah! R-right there!" Sasaki yells out.

Arima presses his thumb harshly on the slit, encouraging him to let it out.

He convulses and makes an erotic sound in his peak, heavily coming.

Arima follows him shortly, grunting to control his unsteady voice.

"Hah... hah..." Sasaki heaves his breath, sweat dripping from his face.

Arima pulls out, laying on the stony terrain next to his lover. Shifting close to him, he kisses him softly. "Thank you for your service."

He brushes the white haired man's mussed up fringe, pressing his lips on the forehead. "It's exclusively for you Special Class Arima." 

Sasaki sits up, stretching his hole which semen flowed down upon. "That was overkill you know?"

He hugs his waist from behind, resting his head on his shoulder. "...Couldn't help it."

"You're really a sadist." Sasaki smiles, exchanging another kiss.

The grip around his waist tightens in a suggestive manner, a playful smile in the man's lips the younger knows all too well.

"I believe service time isn't up yet."

Sasaki blush darkens, showing no form of resistance when he is placed on his lap. Gulping yet again, he tags along in his invitation. 

"It isn't."

* * *

 

On the next day, Sasaki wakes up with a heavy ache around his bottom. 

"Ow." Now this was unusual, he never really felt the sting after they'd do it. Then again, it wasn't really a wound so the pain wasn't inclined to dissipate.

"You should stay in bed Haise." The bespectacled man offers him a glass of water that the younger chugged down instantly.

"How are you feeling?" 

"...My butt hurts." 

Arima hides his laughter, masking his face with a neutral expression. "You passed out on the 11th round."

Sasaki spills his second glass of water, staring at him incredulously. "We did it _that_ much?"

"You begged for me last night. It shouldn't come off as a surprise."

Pouting like a kid, he rolls to the other side and covers himself with a blanket.

Arima shakes the bump in the futon. "Haise, I'm sorry."

"Go away."

They had some arguments here and there but the younger was really upset this time. 

He hugs the wrapped form of the male, gently peeling of the cover bit by bit. "If you stop sulking, I'll give you the whole collection of short stories by Franz Kafka."

"Really?!" Sasaki jumps from his covers, leaving Arima to slightly bounce off the futon.

"...Yeah."

Feeling the throb again, he hisses. 

"Be careful." Arima helps him get up, guilty for causing him pain.

* * *

 

"Sassan! Over here." The squad leader enthusiastically waves from their table.

"Oh, Shirazu-kun." Sasaki turns to the source, starting to walk in a limp fashion while Arima assists him.

"..." They turn suspicious of how he walked. 

Did their mentor get injured?

He winces once his ass comes in contact with the chair and Yonebayashi finally understands the meaning behind it.

"Maman, were you doing things hardco--mnghhh?!" Mutsuki and Shirazu silence the fujoshi, making sure none of it would get across to the investigator couple. 

Sasaki turns his head slightly to the side. "Yes?"

Though by doing that action, a small love bite could be seen. Arima immediately covers that spot with his scarf.

The squad's eyes widen at that reveal that was merely seconds. Not long before their reaction, Arima sends them a very emotionless stare, devoid of anything, but because they knew better, that face of his shot warning signals telling them that if they would mention anything, their graves would come up the next day.

Urie, the most quiet one, grips his soda can too tightly while watching them interact. 

Only to make the situation worse, a pair dining in the same restaurant as them start to chatter not so silently. "Hey, wasn't there moans coming out from the inn to our left last night?"

"Ah, I think it came from that gay couple---" The boy accuses them pointedly.

Arima sends them a murderous glare and they flinch before walking away from their table in hurried strides.

Sasaki buries his head in both hands, simply ashamed while the bespectacled man pats him in the back to comfort his lover.

Around early afternoon, the Quinckes Squad receive the expected sermon from Arima and the shinigami made sure to focus his lecturing around a certain blue-haired NEET. Meanwhile back in Sasaki's room, he's still wondering why that one hickey wouldn't go away like the rest of the love bites.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be pretty funny of a situation if a bruise such as a hickey would strangely remain despite Sasaki's healing abilities. I also wanted to put how protective our favorite shinigami is of Haise xD. I think I will update my next chapter within the three day span since I'm free.


	21. Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day Urie gets his hands on Sasaki would be the day the said Rank 2 investigator would have wrath incurred unto him by the CCG Reaper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the supposed 3 day span turned into 10 + days. the laptop couldb't turn on the day after chapter 20 so we sent it out for repairs ;-;. It's a little tough writing chapters with mobile and it consumes time in proofreading DDX i apologize.

After the very long sermon, they went straight to a coffee cafe for snacks.

"Hah?!" The deliquent exclaims. 

"Like I said, I wanna play a game." Saiko insists, arms crossed.

Mutsuki, Urie, Sasaki and Arima have no clue or whatsover on what they were talking about. 

"Just use yer PSP Saiko. 'M not in the mood." 

"But I--"

"No."

"Shiragin you meanie..." She starts to have crocodile tears, running to the side of her mentor. "Maman, he doesn't wanna play with meee."

Sasaki rubs soothing circles on her frail back, patting repeatedly. "There there." 

Mutsuki sends a dry look at the squad leader and sighed. "Shirazu, you made a girl cry."

"I didn't mean to!"

"Living up to your deliquent profile, huh..." Urie mutters.

"Shut up inverted nacho eyes!"

"What did you just call me? (Take that back you piece of shit.)" A menacing aura surrounds him.

They glared at each other, the tension high that they can feel lightning sparks from them.

The oldest of all of them smacks them in the head, causing them to groan in pain. Arima adjusts his glasses, stating his thoughts frankly. "Urie, Shirazu, get away from the table if you want to fight. Both your actions are unsightly in a place like this."

This causes them to quiet down, contemplating on an alternative. Finding none, Shirazu apologizes first.

"'M sorry Uribo and Saiko."

"...Apology accepted. Sorry for insulting you. (Not really.)" Urie leans back into the seat, relaxed.

"It's okay Shiragin." The pigtailed NEET says. "Thank you for stopping them Papan."

Papan?

Arima points to himself, to reconfirm his title.

Saiko nods vigorously, grabbing him by the arm affectionately. "Papan!"

Mutsuki, Urie and Shirazu from the other side can see the family vibe between the three. They certainly matched the description of a happy family.

"Saiko-chan, I chose a good husband didn't I?" Sasaki playfully winks at Arima and they can see a red tint from the bespectacled man's cheeks. 

Her eyes twinkle at their interaction. "Maman, we um, kind of already understand but I want to hear it from you."

"Hmm?"

"You guys are in a relationship, right?"

Urie wanted to leave the shop the moment Yonebayashi had asked.

"Well..." He exchanges glances with Arima who nodded. "Yes, we are."

This elicited oohs and aahs from Mutsuki and Shirazu.

"I confessed to Arima-san when I was sick months back." He reddens uncontrollably. "He said yes."

"Why didn't you tell us, Sassan?"

"I didn't know how you guys would take it. If you guys thought ill of same-sex relationships, you would look at me differently. That would deter our bond as a squad."

"We wouldn't do that Sassan!" The greenette exclaims and sags into his seat once he felt all their eyes on him. "You took care of us these months, trained us to be better investigators, so, please don't say we'd stop looking up to you..."

Shirazu slaps his back rowdily. "Tooru's right Sassan, we'd never do that." He side-eyed Urie who had been silent all this time.

"...You nurtured us Rank 1 Sasaki."

"I definitely have no problems with it! Real life BL is great." Saiko nuzzles into Sasaki's shoulders. "So you are the bottom Maman?"

The CCG Reaper sips his coffee in a hurried tempo, showing nervousness despite the poker face while Sasaki splutters indignantly, face resembling like a tomato by the passing second. "Yeah."

"Have you ever tried topping Papan?"

Arima sets down his cup of coffee in a wobbly manner. 

"Saiko-chan that's too explicit." Sasaki murmurs, shrinking as he says the unexpected. "If I could, I might..."

Shirazu, Mutsuki and and even Urie gag on their drinks. Arima turns deathly pale and Yonebayashi squeals enthusiastically.

"An-anyway Saiko-chan, what was this game you wanted to play? Me and Arima-san will take part."

"Count me in too, please." The greenette adds.

"Tooru?" This surprises Shirazu.

"It seems like a good pasttime, Saiko."

"You too Uriko?" 

Saiko smiles triumphantly, raising a fist in the air. "Yosh! Let's play 7 Minutes in Heaven!"

"7 Peanuts in Heaven?"

She snorts in response and corrects him. "Minutes, Shiragin."

"Oh."

"Rules are simple. We spin a bottle and get paired with someone."

"And then?"

"We'll be stuck with them in a room or compartment for 7 minutes."

"What a useless game." Urie gives in a harsh remark.

"Now now, Urie-kun, this might actually be fun." 

He freezes quickly albeit dramatically, almost forgetting that his mentor will also participate in this game. Which means--

There was a slim chance. With him being alone with his superior.

"Oh and it's entirely up to you guys if you'll do something in that span of minutes. To make it even more interesting, one of the two per pair will be blinded and tied. That depends on who wins rock-paper-scissors."

They shared a mutual sentiment excluding the obvious promotion lover. 

"..."

And so, the group stayed in the reaper's inn for the game location.They squatted on the tatami for spin the bottle, Saiko gently setting the fragile glass in the center. As she settles with the rest, she reaches for the bottle and spins the item.

* * *

 

"Take care of me Tooru." Shirazu smiles at Mutsuki who, as per se, shys away. 

"So Mucchan and Shiragin, please step out of the circle since you guys are paired."

"Okay."

The blue haired NEET spun the bottle once more, the centrifugal force having a set destination. It slows down after several spins, the cork stopping at Sasaki's direction. 

"Maman, you spin the bottle this time."

He quietly agrees and trails his hand over Arima's as he spins with the other.

Urie had always been good at masking his expressions but this time, he failed. He gnaws at his own lip slightly, curling his fists and hoping for the impossible.

The constant speed wears down, it's roundabout frame of motion turning unsteady, the neck points to Arima as it slows.

A beat.

Then it slowly moved to Saiko.

...

It completely stood still in his direction.

"So Maman and Uriko. Looks like it's you and me Papan."

Arima nods, though a small part of his pupils said otherwise. He didn't have any problem with Saiko, she was a good kid, it was just that he felt uncomfortable with the idea of _his_ Haise alone with someone after him. There was of course, common sense that told him it was just a game he needed to play but he really can't help but sense a foreboding feeling.

And it wasn't the good kind.

"Rock-paper-scissors!" 

A closed hand lighter than the other was beat by his open palm. 

"This sucks." 

Mutsuki squeezes his shoulder comfortingly. "Sorry about this."

"'S fine Tooru."

The duo check the rest of the participants.

Sasaki seems anxious, he probably was losing to Urie and Arima had calmly accepted his defeat to the otaku.

The shinigami did have flaws, they thought.

Sasaki sighs before admitting his loss. "I guess you win Urie-kun." 

Urie was internally having a victory party. "That's right. (You suck at this game.)" Maybe he was thankful for that fact.

"Pick a piece of paper from my hand."

One of each pair picks one, unscrolling the tiny parchment.

* * *

"Mucchan, Shiragin, you guys will be first followed by me and Papan. Uriko and Maman will be last. Use the empty bedroom by the corner and it will be locked. The rest of us will just wait here."

"Saiko-chan you're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"I really am." She giggles.

* * *

 

Shirazu now blinded and tied with a soft garment, sat beside Mutsuki in the lofty futon. 

"Uhm..."

"What the hell are we s'pposed to do in seven minutes?"

"I don't know."

The deliquent lies down the futon and beckons the greenette to do the same.

Once he hears a soft thud against the mattress, he turns to the source. 

"Remember the time we first met with Sassan?"

"Yeah?"

"I thought he was a weak guy who'd only think of himself like the rest of the CCG."

The given silence encourages him to continue.

"Turns out he was different. The Serpent  Incident changed my opinion of him."

"You mean when he used his kagune?" Mutsuki still recalled that chilly awakening.

"No, it was when he charged right in. The guy's a good one."

"You're right. Shirazu, you really don't sound like yourself." He chuckles, if the former wasn't wearing his blindfold, he would've given an eye roll.

"Sassan, that guy..." He turns solemn for a small bit. "Must've had a sad fate."

"How would you know Shirazu?"

"I asked him if he would still work for the CCG if his memories return during our Nutcracker investigation. He said yes, but his face was longing for something..."

"I feel bad for fearing him now." Mutsuki admits, shifting on a different position.

"Tooru, when his memories return, we have to protect him."

'From who?' They thought.

"That's why we need to get stronger." A steely resolve rings in Shirazu's ears and he smiles.

"Atta girl."

He pauses his movements for his slip of the tongue.

Shit.

"--You knew?" The greenette shakily asks.

Well, there was no escape now.

"I knew when we had to crossdress. I'm not the smartest but anyone could figure out you're a girl if you denied someone to pad your boobs like Saiko. Plus, you looked really feminine when you dressed up."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I respect your decision, Tooru. Heck, if you want to live as a male for the rest of your life, I'm not gonna stop you." He tries to pat Mutsuki in the head despite the restraints.

"...Thank you." He closes his eyes, holding back his tears. Shirazu was the first person who hadn't treated him badly after knowing.

* * *

 

Arima and Saiko were next after. Well, their impression was... a crudely silent atmosphere.

"Sorry Papan, I tried adding spice to the game but it ended up being anti-climatic."

""Don't worry, Saiko."

She stood there, in deep thought. If the CCG Reaper had seen her like this, it was almost unlikely of a NEET like her to act this way. "You love Maman, don't you?"

"Without a doubt." 

"There's something bothering me about you Papan."

"...?"

"You know who Maman really is."

What was she trying to say? 

Still confused, he responds with a yes.

"Then you won't kill him if he turns  _scary,_ right?"

"Saiko, where are you getting at?" He really couldn't see her facial expression at all.

She doesn't reply with a direct answer.

"Maman, is much more a mom than my biological one. He makes me happy so I want him to be always happy, but... I don't know what to do when I see him so tired and frustrated."

"..."

"I hate it when Maman makes strange noises at night, as if he was in a painful dream. What I dislike the most is when he stares off at the blank space, like he was...empty."

As the older was about to speak up, she continues her long statement. "Listen Papan. I know that you have your high rank and all but please don't betray or hurt Maman. He needs you by his side. If not, I will hate you even if you're my Papan." She curls a finger around his. "Pinky swear?"

It was a childish gesture but nevertheless, he accepts her point.

A small smile is etched on his features. He curls his pinky around hers securely. "I promise." 

'Haise, you have a wonderful team.'

* * *

Strangely, 14 minutes flew by so fast it was Urie's turn. The first minute was spent in  ~~awkward silence~~ tranquility. ~~  
~~

"Urgh." Sasaki squirms in his binds.

Of course this was what the Rank 2 anticipated for but he actually didn't want to scare away the older investigator so he stays at a meter's distance. 

Rustle. Rustle. 

"Are you uncomfortable, Rank 1 Sasaki?"

The half-ghoul stopped his futile ministrations. "No, it isn't that, Urie-kun. Oh and drop the formalities already, you've known me for months."

"Then, Sasaki, why are you struggling?"

"I hate it when I can't see anything, like that time."

"I see. (Give more details, idiot.)" He supports his upper half with arms behind, serving as a stand.

"What do you mean, like that time?"

Sasaki smiles. "Wow Urie-kun, I can't believe you want to know more about someone. This is a first."

"Shut up." He frowns.

"I can practically hear the frown in that statement. No cookie for you Kuki."

That pun left a sour impression on the former, leaving him to wonder why he was attracted to this horrible pun maker in the first place.

"Never mind." He starts to turn away from his superior.

Sasaki tugs on his sleeve surprisingly. Like how did he even know his position when he was blinded? "Urie-kun, I'll tell you."

* * *

Arima tapped his index finger for the nth time on the table. It made the rest of the squad members worried.

"Uh, Arima-san, are you okay?" 

"Yes."

"Papan," Saiko sighs exasperatedly. "We can clearly see you're not." She munches on her junk foods.

"I apologize."

This flusters Mutsuki and Shirazu. "Why are you apologizing Special Class Arima, it's fine!"

The bespectacled man slides the door open. "I will be taking a short walk."

He knew he was being so irrational. It was a silly game that they all had to take part in, nothing more. So why was he jealous over a 19 year old spending a few minutes not past ten with his lover? Arima walks a bit more briskly, irritated. He wasn't acting like his typical stoic, calm and collected self. On the way, he meets his long time colleague, Fura Taishi, who was with his wife.

"Ah," Arima acknowledges. "Taishi and Aki-san."

"Arima, why are you here?" Fura scratches his head roughly, a habit that he had since high school.

The black haired beauty punches her hubby in the face. "If you keep doing that, you're going to have a bald scalp!"

He retorts. "Ouch! If you keep hitting me, I can't be handsome."

"What a pain!" 

They both bicker at each other's neck, completely forgetting the reaper's existence.

"...I'll be going." He walks past right them only to be comically dragged back by the two.

"No!"

"What do you both want?"

"Since you're here, we wanted to invite you to dinner at our yacht tomorrow. I'll email you the location. Make sure to bring your little crossbreed."

"Haise?" 

"He's here, isn't he?"

"..."

"You never really brood nor walk as fast unless it's related to that guy."

They bow at him respectively, and Fura whacks his head. "Relax, Arima! If you keep brooding, your face might finally match with your white old hai--" 

He sends a threatening poker face, leaving both of them to cue their departure. 

"We-we'll be going then." Fura squeaks at the last part.

If they hadn't turned a second later, they would've seen a smile gracing his lips.

Their unexpected meeting was...brief.

But it had lightened his trail of thought.

'Taishi's right. There's nothing to worry about.' What was really strange was that he became more and more expressive the moment he entered into a relationship with the half-ghoul.

* * *

"I was hospitalized for one month before I came into the care of Arima-san. Did I mention I had no eyes at all the moment I woke up?"

"Is that so?" He lies down. "So that's why you hate being blinded."

"Yeah." 'Or covered up.' He decided not to say the last part.

"Your turn." Maybe it was unintentional but his fingers brushed against the younger slightly. "Do you despise people like me?"

Urie was caught off guard by this question. For starters, he knew while the guy was soft-hearted and naive, he was very observant. He didn't want to admit it but the start of his loathing stemmed from their skill gap. "Tch, what a useless question."

His statement was accompanied by a stretch of wordlessness.

"I don't know what you mean by people like you but, you're... tolerable."

Sasaki makes some sort of strangled noise. "Is tolerable the nicest thing you could say?"

"Probably."

The older breathlessly laughs at his crudeness and Urie had to relish in that angelic voice, slipping a pleased smile.

"You're adorable, Sasaki."

It creates a chain reaction, leaving the superior to mimick his frozen stance. 

He awkwardly laughs off that careless comment. "Who's adorable, Urie-kun?"

Urie exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding, relieved at the same time disappointed. Why was he so disappointed? He wasn't his mentor's boyfriend, nor was he in anyway intimate with him. It was just some random crush; he was bound to experience attraction at an age like this. Perhaps this was love.

Love.

That word had answered everything. Why he was so jealous over their relationship, the reason why he was so lax around this guy, and the reason why he was more human than when he first entered.

It was a ridiculous situation for the younger. Him in love. With a guy who's part ghoul? That didn't stop him from shifting closer to the said investigator, touching him on the cheek in a very intimate way.

"What are you doing?" Sasaki questions, a furtive glance behind the fold.

He doesn't answer, tracing circles around his wrist with a watch.

"Who gave this to you?"

"Arima-san did."

Urie bitterly thought, that guy again. He removes it in one click and tosses it aside.

"I never said you could remove that." If he wasn't blindfolded, the teenager would have seen a cold glare. Oh, this was getting _interesting_.

"You don't need that Rolex, **Haise**."

He could've passed it a sick joke by now, come out unscathed. His mind had screamed no. The consequence for this was too big of a price. Being in deep shit with the CCG Reaper was unlucky. Arima Kishou owned Sasaki Haise.

Unfortunately, his body wasn't a very keen listener.

Before the older could process that his first name was being used by his subordinate, Urie closes the distance between them.

Sasaki's mind had blanked out.

His hard-to-read subordinate, Urie, is kissing him.

What. 

In the worst moment possible, the doors rattle open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here lies Urie Kuki RIP xD. I bet you guys are wondering how everyone will take it and... I think in a chapter or two after, the story will get in a much more serious category xDD. Who's craving for kanekipede?


	22. Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which doubt and disputes befall on the investigator couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! As promised, the story will delve into darker themes :,D. Major problems will arise!

The reaper's mind went blank as he laid eyes on both figures beyond him. Not a second too long after the door had opened, angry, sharp thumps on the durable wood caused Urie to break off their shared contact.

A bloodcurdling crack of joints dislocating rung out unpleasantly through the disturbed ears of the incidental spectators. Panic had set through Sasaki who had hurriedly struggled with his binds when he heard shouts from his squad, telling the Special Class Investigator to stop. When he gave his blindfold a final tug, he ran up between the two, stopping the older's fist from flying.

"Stop this insta--" When he gazed at the man, his cold silver eyes burned a hole right through him. He visibly paled as he was shoved aside nonchalantly. 

Shirazu, Mutsuki and Saiko tried holding him down but it was clearly not enough as he easily bursts from their hold and threw the limp body on the wall. He proceeded to kick Urie's shin and decided to bash his face on the wall. The grip the three investigators had on his arms proved to be nothing, getting them hurt in the process as the recoil from his elbows and shoulders only strengthened.

Saiko fell face flat; Mutsuki was second to follow. Shirazu remained glued to the man, but he was exhausted. Urie remained limp as he was in a one-sided beating. 

Sasaki grit his teeth, enraged. He went to Urie and shielded him with his body. Sasaki braced for the impact of the man's kick but nothing occurred to him. 

Urie looked terrible; despite his quick regeneration abilities, Sasaki clearly saw how barbaric Arima could be. He smarted purplish bruises and gashes on his face. It healed painstakingly slow.

The Quinckes mentor was certainly shocked of what transpired between him and Urie; he still hadn't registered the fact of the subordinate kissing him but leaving him all beaten and bruised was a different story. 

"Move aside." 

"What the fuck are you doing to Urie?!"

"Haise." Threatening undercurrents told him that it was an order.

"Never." Sasaki's legs shook in fear but he held his ground high, not yielding to Arima's intimidation. He wouldn't let him slip, especially when he decided to involve his squad into this.

"Sassan..."

Arima paused and decided to drag his lover out of the vicinity forcefully, leaving Shirazu to help out his members.

He punches a wall out of frustration, pulling his own hair strands after. 

"Damn it..." Shirazu spares a glance at the knocked out Urie as he beckoned the rest to support him in lifting the half-dead body. 'Why did you do such a shitty act, Uribo?'

* * *

"Let go of my hand."

The bespectacled man did the contrary, tightening his grip even. Sasaki was angry with him but if he didn't resign to whatever the reaper wanted him to do, this painful silence would go on for God knows how long.

Sasaki drew a long breath to compose himself. "Why did you go that far, Kishou?"

They both paused on their trail and Arima did not respond to his question; throwing him one of his own. "Were you the one who initiated the kiss or was it him?"

"What--"

"Perhaps," His nails deeply grazed his skin. "It was mutual?"

"You're hurting me." If this was a milder scenario, he would've teased him for being a jealous adult but right now, his chest tightened up, wounded by how Arima doubted him.

His complaint fell on deaf ears as he squeezed on his wrist more. "Answer the question."

Sasaki felt something salty prick at his eyes. "Kishou, it hurts--" 

"Your wound will heal," Arima's tone was accompanied with indifference and bluntness. "Since you're a ghoul."

Ghoul.

He was accustomed to that title by the officers of the CCG yet... he cracked when he was reminded of that cruel reality by the person he loved the most.

Sasaki used his free hand and struck his face with a punch that would rival his. Arima didn't bother to stand up from his fallen stance, the painful sting giving him a semblance of realization. Using the man's momentary shock, he frees himself from his grip.

His vision blurred as he shouted his lungs out. "Well what the fuck am I supposed to do when it's a part of me...!" He choked on the heavy lump on his throat. "I know I can't eat cake or sweets, nor do I have rights like a human being does!" He angrily wipes his tear stained cheeks. "Do you even know what's it like to prove your worth and live another day not tossed away?!"

Arima instantly felt responsible for what he said. He stood up and staggered slightly to reach him. "Haise.."

Sasaki slapped his hand away and recoiled whenever the older went close to him. "Don't touch me!"

Funny that the moment Sasaki left him, he felt like crying too. It wasn't the sensation coming from his bloodied knuckles that hurt him the most; it was someplace where one would have an ache from feelings. His face was aloof but his whole form made visible tremors, struggling to keep his emotions from welling outside.

Arima Kishou had hurt his most precious person when he had vowed not to.

* * *

"How is he?" Sasaki crouched over the futon, peering over Urie.

"The injuries he sustained are steadily healing," Mutsuki glances at Shirazu to finish the sentence. 

"Uribo's lucky to be alive; he has a rib fracture and several broken ligaments."

"How about Saiko-chan?" 

"She's still out of it. Isn't the toughest."

"Is that so?" Sasaki gave them a pitiful look. Both of his conscious subordinates had healed fast enough but apparently, they were mentally scarred from Arima's behavior.

Sasaki adjusts himself in a seiza position and made his head touch the floor. "I'm sorry."

"You're not at fault Sasaki-san/Sassan!" The two exclaimed in synchronization.

"No, Arima-san is my responsibility; I did not expect him to lash out like that." His tired eyes met theirs, a rueful smile playing on his face.

"'S Arima-san mad as fuck?" The deliquent rhetorically asks, not expecting his question to be answered.

"Can we not talk about that, Shirazu-kun?" Sasaki returns from his position and focused his irises on a particular point of space. He murmured, "I'm really tired."

"That was shitty of me to ask..." 

Mutsuki nodded his head in consideration. "You can stay with us tonight, Sasaki-san."

He shook his head. "I can't."

"We know you feel like crap Sassan and you certainly don't want to see Arima-san right now."

"...Okay." Sasaki rummages through the closet, laying out an extra futon. "It's such a shame too... I wanted to let you guys try out the skii resort."

"Nah, that's fine." Shirazu hooks an arm around Mutsuki in a buddy like manner. "The squad comes first and you're part of it."

"Thank you."

* * *

He couldn't sleep. Not with so many terrifying thoughts running through his head. Ever since he left Arima alone, the man didn't bother visiting the inn the Quinckes and he were staying at. No messages or calls on his phone either. Sasaki was feeling uneasy, especially when the whole ghoul ordeal supposedly stopped around the hunger incident. After deciding that his problems wouldn't be solved by staring at the ceiling, he allowed himself to be embraced by the clutches of sleep.

It was 2:00 A.M and he woke up in a mat of cold sweat. His stomach churned and all the while he thought, 'I ate last week, so why...' He felt his esophagus pave a way for bile to rise and he scurried to the bathroom to let it out. A gross combination of unrecognizable juice and lumpy matter came out of his mouth. As he flushed out the toilet, he acknowledged that there was something amiss in his body. 

Sasaki flipped the switch on and he examined his neck. The hickey was still there, it had not regenerated. Then, he took a look at his wrist Arima held. A red gash remained with the scratches from his lover's nails. Something watery dripped down from his lips and he realized. He lifted his head to meet his reflection and saw. His sclera, black and his pupil, red. Drool, obviously, trickled to his chin.

He was hungry again.

No, hungry was an understatement. He was starving, he was certain because  **he**  was there behind him.

"What a pitiful boy," A manic lilt to the masked male. "You want to eat, _riiight_?"

Sasaki bit his nail desperately. "I'm not."

"You won't heal up if you don't eat,  _Haise_."

This entity, no, his other self, was preventing his body to function properly.  **He** was against his morals.

"You did this, didn't you?" Sasaki closed his fists in boiling rage. "Fuck off."

"Ah, I like you playing feisty." His black nails scraped his exposed neck. "Aren't there four defenseless people outside?"

"You don't mean..."

"Ah, I wonder how they taste like." 

Sasaki attempts to punch him but for an entity like him, no impact was made. "You're a ghoul," He mockingly smirks. "Eat up?"

His head began swirling with the dizzying amount of voices. Sasaki toppled on the tiled floor and curled himself up. "Stop it!"

"I'm not doing anything, Haise. " The man poked his head. "This is all you."

"This isn't--" Sasaki flinched when  _he_ flicked the area close to his left eye. 

"Since you're a  _monster._ "

The tortured soul pulled his own tresses and screamed.

Such was his miserable existence.

* * *

Arima more or less expected an empty futon beside him. He said and did certain things that hurt his precious Haise. The Special Class spited himself for being so stupid. Sadly, his trail of thought ended with brute knocks on the door.

He reckoned as to why there would be someone knocking 4 AM in the morning. To his surprise, the Quinckes squad leader was in his doorstep, raggedly breathing.

"I-Is, Sassan there?" 

"Haise isn't with you?" Arima creases his brows. It doesn't take long for him to assess the situation. "He's gone..."

"Y-yeah, we woke up because he screamed in the bathroom so we went in," He puts a hand on his temple. "The window was left open."

The bespectacled man had a premonition. Sasaki was probably hungry, again. Thinking deeply, the mark he placed on him had not healed since morning...

A rather loud commotion came from the other side and Arima braced for the worst case scenario. 

"What the hell was that?"

Arima steadied his composure and ordered the leader.

"Shirazu, tell your squad to come here as soon as possible."

"Why?"

"We're going to subdue a certain ghoul."

His eyes widened at the implication. "Are you shitting me?"

"..." He turned his back and briskly walked deeper to his room. Arima swiftly swoops the attaché case's handle.

This was going to be a very troublesome morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I'll try updating the next chapter as soon as possible but I can't promise you guys anything. Hope you suffered *cough* I mean enjoyed this one xD


	23. Vulnerable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the reaper decided it was best to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kanekipede is coming to town, a big revelation present here and welp--- I can't spoil you. WARNING: Angst levels are high, please enter with caution xDD. And Shiyado-san, if you're here, thank you so much for your fanart xDD. I might request of you later on to make some art for this fic, if it isn't too much trouble. ill probably add the link to her tumblr blog on the next author's notes on chapter 24.

The whole group arrived at his doorstep, bringing along Urie who was fresh from fatal injuries. A raw pink on the uneven blotches of his face; his face had an odd bump on the job. Any person who saw his condition would most likely pity the investigator but as bad as it sounds, Arima had little to none sympathy to spare for the male. Especially when he tried mark Haise as his. Still, he was aware that he was in the wrong more than Urie was. They meet with each other's eyes for a moment before heading out. Though there were several matters to settle between the two of them, they had no time to argue nor fight. No word was spoken but he was certain the younger accepted his temporary truce.

Arima presses a trusted Caller ID from his phone, keeping his voice urgent at the same time subtle as a grumpy voice answers.

"Arima, what time do you think it i--"

"Taishi, if you're still in the resort's vicinity, come to where I am now."

"How the hell am I supposed to locate y--"

"I believe you can make it. I can't explain the details but, it's Haise."

"Tch," A long sigh can be heard from the other side of the phone. "You owe me one."

He ends the call after, picking up his pace slightly faster than the group he moved with. 

The Quinckes squad was fast on picking things up. Their superior needed every single one of them. Perhaps the act of containment wasn't the reaper's forte. They weren't going to kill anyone, they thought, as Arima handed them earpieces.

Arima, himself, knew could slay any ghoul regardless of rank alone but in terms of not leaving them dead for a purpose in Cochlea's confines, he isn't particularly careful of not staining their bodies a deadly red. Last time he fought with SS Rate Centipede, the ghoul wound up barely alive.  _Barely._ The bespectacled man needed all the help he can get in a unit in order to subdue Sasaki. 

* * *

 

When they appeared at the area they last heard of a commotion minutes ago, they encountered the same homophobic couple from earlier.

The two had eyes wide as saucers, trembling most probably out of fear. 

"M-M-Mon-Monster...!" The guy flailed around when he was questioned by the CCG Reaper.

"Calm down." Arima puts a hand on his shoulder. "What happened?"

"D-Don't come any closer!"

Shirazu tries the same motion as Arima and it rather had the opposite effect. "We just have some questions--"

His panic only worsened and he snapped his hand away and ran with his girlfriend. Urie and Mutsuki attempt to run after them but was halted by the Special Class.

"They came in that direction," Arima pointed westwards. "It's possible Haise is still there."

The squad curtly nod to each other before setting out in that trail, walking in careful albeit hurried strides. Yonebayashi tapped Arima's shoulder and gestured to the path of red liquid which was most likely blood. They slowed their steps, taking a whiff of a metallic and pungent scent. 

Noises of someone digging into flesh echoed into the eerily quiet plantation. Arima trudged in a noiseless path, letting the squad follow suit. He mouths them to stand by in the trees. They take a peek from their positions, and an image of a slaughter house greeted their point of view.

Sasaki kneeled before a bloody corpse, devouring his flesh enthusiastically. What disturbed the group the most wasn't the gruesome sight; it was inevitable to encounter siuations like this in their line of work. No, it was his appearance that disturbed the Quinckes Squad. Besides the 4 bloodred appendages they witnessed in the Serpent Incident, 2 additions resembling that of a centipede's was in full display. The mask that formed with his kakuja was good enough to be a horror movie.

 _"Mother made me a hamburger! I'm in the kitchen, hahahah……"_    **He** laughed to himself, a bloody smirk in his face. " _Aah...my fi-fingers, n-no more..."_ Centipede dug into the delicate tissues of the unrecognizable body.

'...Haise.' Arima narrows his eyebrows and clenches his quinque tightly. He turns to the squad, hand telling them to go at his signal. Shirazu sets out slowly but his feet accidentally crunches a dry leaf. Centipede immediately turns to the source of noise and sets out his bikaku in his path.

"Shit!" The deliquent curses.

"Rank 3 Shirazu, make a detour to your left." Arima dashes towards the ghoul with Urie and Mutsuki. "Meet up with Yonebayashi and secure the rear area." The trio split directions, leaving Arima as the main target.

His upper half swerves to dodge the man's rabid kagune, slicing off two of his rinkaku after. "Haise, you're there aren't you?"

 _"He isn't!"_ Centipede mocks the bespectacled man, blocking the aerial attacks of Urie and Mutsuki. 

Arima bounces off from his position while blasting away electric currents with the satellite form of Narukami. "Haise, you're better than this." 

 _"G-Gaah!"_ His body twitches and writhes in pain from the electricity. Mutsuki and Urie take advantage of this situation by dealing blows to his upper half.

Centipede tries to escape but Shirazu and Saiko, who lie in wait for him, slows the SS Rate down. "Don't think badly of me Sassan!" He launches out his ukaku bombs, diving a second later to cut up his bikaku. "Saiko-chan, now!" 

"Yes!" She slams down her mace down at his kagune, causing him to violently thrash.

 _"Ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts!"_ He falls from his stance. 

The Quinckes Squad launch an all out attack with their built-in kagune, except Mutsuki who threw knives at him airborne. He wasn't strong but the greenette hoped it was enough.

"Did we get him?" They slowly tread towards the fallen body.

 _"Just kidding."_ His kakuhou sacs give birth to more appendages, piercing through the squad members before they were flung to far distances.

Arima lands on the ground gracefully, unscathed. His eyes dangerously flash at him and at a moment's blink, all the emotion was wiped off his face. The squad had built-in quinque and regenerative abilities, they would escape death, even if it was by a narrow margin. Yet, something threw him off, the way SS Rate Centipede who shared the same vessel as Sasaki harm a squad he called family.

_"Ehh... Arima-san's angry?"_

They engage into a fighting dance, neither giving any room for openings. 

"You're good." It wasn't much of a compliment, it was more of a fact.

 _"I'm not the only one who carries aggression towards you after al--"_ Arima manages to make a dent on his back, much to the ghoul's displeasure. 

Centipede glares at Arima who continued his onslaught. _"Shut up, I'm talking."_ His once serious tone is replaced again with a manic one. _"It's also your dear dear Haise."_  

* * *

Sasaki jolts up from his position, surprised to be in a field of white incarnations. "A dream?"

Sasaki sighs, a huge wave of a migraine coming across him as he tried to remember what happened before he ended up here. "It can't be helped." He dusts off his pants and strolled across the flower field.

He expected the place to be vacant but strangely, a young black haired male appeared out of thin air. This caused him to jump from being frightened. He squeaks a not so manly voice, startling the male as well. 

"S-sorry for scaring you, Haise." Upon closer inspection, he wore an eyepatch and looked exactly like him. 

Like a replica.

He was having one heck of a dream.

"U-Uh, why do we have the same face?" He inquires as the man lent him a hand. "And how do you know my name?" 

"That's not important," The male tries to drift from the topic, scratching his chin nervously. "We don't have much time to talk to each other either." 

"Then, what's your name?"

"It's Kane-- I mean Kuro, you can call me that." 

Sasaki chuckles at his fidgety attitude, offering a hand to shake with. "Nice to meet you."

"L-Likewise."

He suspected Kuro to be of relevance to his past but he wouldn't press further. Plus, it was kind of nice to have new company. Unbeknownst to him, reality had no time for a random chat.

"I need to talk to you about the 'other guy' Haise." His brave statement brought Haise out of his musings.

"What do you mean other guy?"

"The one who drives you crazy." Kuro looks down, not meeting his eyes. 

"You know?" Sasaki turns to the left, a downcast eye in his peripherals.

"Me and Shiro are responsible for that  _guy_." He fiddles with his thumbs.

"Wait, who's Shiro?" He shot up with confusion.

Kuro doesn't answer his question, furrowing his eyebrows. "About that other guy, he's hurting the ones that are precious to you right now."

"You don't mean..." 

"The one with the glasses is fighting _him_ right now."

"I have to go." Sasaki turns his back on the slightly shorter male.

"Wait!" Kuro clasps his hand on his shoulder. "I still have something important to tell you." 

"I really don't have time for this." 

He stares at him head-on with pleading eyes. " _Please_."

"What?" Sasaki acted restlessly, anxiety building up.

"The name Kaneki Ken and Amon Koutarou will help you find something in your memory gap."

Suddenly, large tremors shake up the flowery scenery.

"I'm sending you back." He murmurs something about how time was up.

"What about you?"

Kuro weakly smiles as he bows respectfully to Sasaki. "Shiro isn't as stable as I am most days but you'll see him soon. I hope you can recall what I just said."

"Wait--"

_Even if you can't recall this dream._

Darkness fogs up on his vision, and everything came to nothingness.

* * *

 

Centipede suddenly starts to twist his body to and fro, body racked up in pain. " _Gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That fucking hurts that huuuurts!_ " 

Arima uses this opportunity to pierce him in the left sternum and set off Narukami in electric currents.

The SS Rate Ghoul resists his subjugation and almost kicks him in the shin. Almost. Arima crouches from the opposite direction and  _he_ crawls pathetically away from the reaper. 

He takes no chance at the weakened ghoul, picking up his other discarded suitcase to reveal IXA 3/5. Black extensions burst forth from the ground and through Centipede's limbs. 

_"A-Ahh, are you going to pierce my eyes again, Mr.Investigator?"_

In the older's glasses reflected the crippled state of the ghoul. He lifts Narukami with ease and targeted his head with the helve. As he pushes down the hilt, the one who'd lay for the reaper's judgement croaks out a strong statement.

" _You're the cause of Haise's suffering."_

Arima ends his talking.

* * *

 

"Arima," Fura makes an appearance, jogging to him with two dead weights on each shoulder. "Sorry I'm late. My God, is that Sasaki on the ground?! Was he the one who knocked out the Quinckes Squad? Damn, your boyfriend's real feisty--" He halts his own babbling, seeing his friend in a strangely quiet manner.

And so, he plops down the unconscious bodies on the ground and spins his friend around. Fura slaps his head and half-shouts. "Oi, what's the matter with you..." 

Arima looked so lost, his face ashen with burden, his sharp eyes a murky grey that it scared Fura to wit's end. The bespectacled man turned back to his lover who breathed in light, weak puffs, carrying him in his arms and gave Fura a glance to follow him with the Quinckes Squad.

'What happened to you, Arima.' He thought, hoisting back the four on his shoulders with effort.

He didn't know what to make of Arima's vulnerability.

* * *

"I called in the CCG Faction of Hokkaido in to clear the mess. Of course, I managed to bribe them not to spill information about your prints and marks." He leans unto the doorway, crossing his arms. "Tch, those corrupt bastards... The liquid samples that came from the corpse exhibited high RC count. The person your boyfriend annihalated was a ghoul, no doubt. Well, we should be thankful that word won't get to the higher-ups once we go back."

Arima remains unresponsive, glued to the side of his unconscious protége. 

Fura sighs, laying his head low. "His squad is in steady recovery-- Arima, I can't report to you if you aren't listening to my shit."

"I'm listening."

His friend scoffs, rubbing his hair. "I know it isn't my place to say this but, if his crazy side turns up again, Sasaki Haise will have to be--"

"Silence, Taishi." His words cut through his, a threat.

Fura settles next to him, squatting informally. "You know, I hate following protocol too. I like this brat, kind-hearted and able to make you happy. He's a real talent too, professionally speaking."

"He is." Arima doesn't smile, his lips forming a frown.

"Arima," Fura punches him playfully on the shoulder. "Relax, I'm at your side. I'll give 'em hell if they try to touch your crossbreed. But, if he remembers that you nearly killed him before, you have to be prepared."

His face sags into a sadder expression and Fura thinks he just worsened the situation. "An-Anyway, I gotta check on those other brats. I'll leave you alone with Sasaki."

Once his silhoutte went past the sliding door, Arima cups Sasaki's cheek gently.

"Sorry for hurting you."

He, the person believed to be aloof, allowed a single tear to slide from his eye. "Haise."

Arima closed his eyes while he made quiet, strangled sounds. He removes his glasses, wiping the salty liquid that continuously poured. He bitterly laughs, realizing that he hadn't cried as hard as this since his parents death. He rolls a thumb on the half-ghoul's jaw before caressing through his silky tuff. "...I..."

He breathes out, wondering how the air suffocated him. 

_You're the cause of Haise's suffering._

Ah, maybe this was his due because he could hear that harsh reminder ring in his mind over and over. This was karma, for taking countless of lives; he just didn't know it would bite back so painfully.

"I can't afford to hurt you any longer, Haise." He presses his lips to his forehead affectionately for it could be the last time.

Arima steadies himself, reverting back to an unreadable expression. He stands on his feet, twisting his body to the door's direction.

He couldn't bear to remain at his side, especially when his presence only brought the promise of pain and suffering to Sasaki. Arima slid the door open and turned one last time to state his departure.

Little did he know that Sasaki's eyes were open amidst the darkness.

* * *

Sasaki opened his eyelids to the gentle thumps on the floor, he glances at the familiar back that went farther.

_Kishou._

He wants to say, but his sore throat decided to go against him. Sasaki, overcome with exhaustion, can only manage to focus his eyes on the man, hoping he would realize that he was awake.

 _What happened?_ He would ask, if only he had a voice.

The man turns and his expression looked lifeless. His words that made it through his ears had beaten the registering worry.

"Good bye, Sasaki Haise." The older slid the door shut.

Everything after that moved slow. One would believe it was just a normal goodbye but he knew Arima well enough that it was otherwise. He refused to accept the implications of his words. 

No, no...

This was a lie, right?

He covers his mouth, wracked up with tears.

It was as if Arima indirectly stated that it was the end.

_The end of their relationship._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I made Arima cry in my fic ;-; but hey, it was a nice spice to the drama. I hope it ain't the overbearing type of drama for you guys and I'll probably post the next chapter on Sunday. I'll try to be a bit faster on my updates but I can't promise you anything. Anyways, how was this chapter for you? Painful? Suffocating? :,D share my suffering


	24. Similar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sasaki drifts away from his make-believe family and slowly accepts his old self's nature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for about 3-4 chapters, this will be more on Sasaki's side. Thank you miyazukun for the fanart :DDD. If you guys wanna see it, paste this: http://miyazukun.tumblr.com/post/117496975607/based-on-himu-chan-s-fanfic-u-theres-so-much-i

"Sassan." Shirazu politely knocks on his door. "Please come out."

He persists with another statement. "It's been a whole week, Uribo and the others are worried for ya." 

Shirazu could hear the floor creaking from inside, accompanied with faint blanket rustles a second later.

"Damn it Sassan, get out of there already!" 

No response.

Contemplating on kicking the door open, hushed sniffles and sobs echoed beyond that door and the delinquent easily sympathized with those sounds. He kicks the wall next to the door instead, aggravated. Shirazu huffs an annoyed breath and leaves; frustrated with everything.

Where the fuck was Arima in all this, he thought.

After they left Hokkaido, Sasaki was so passive that he didn't do as much as to spare a single glance at them. He hauled himself in his bedroom the minute they arrived at the Chateau. The shinigami's friend (Fura Taishi was it?) had no clue about Arima's actions when they questioned him as to where the man went. (Seriously, he just ditched his boyfriend.)

The situation within the squad wasn't that good either. Urie refused to fulfill any of their curiousities with regards to Sasaki. Saiko, who actually improved these weeks with the help of Sasaki and Arima, had lost motivation with an obvious reason. Mutsuki and he himself were uneasy. Akira took care of the issue of Sasaki's long term absence; she was worried though it was sad to say they couldn't tell her anything about Hokkaido.

Moreover, this time period was a hectic one for Akira's squad, something about a troublesome new SS Rate. Arima didn't answer or reply to any of their messages, calls, nor video chat. They rarely even see him now. Some serious crap they were in, the two people who understood Sasaki the most were no-shows and it was hard for the squad to set a high morale without their beloved mentor.

Mutsuki shakes his legs at the ottoman, turning to Shirazu. "How is he?"

The squad leader makes a slumping gesture and the greenette understood his answer.

"Honestly, I really don't know what's going on Shirazu-kun. But if possible, I want Sasaki-san back." Mutsuki's eyes are determined, sincere in his words. "I don't want to wait another whole week again because our squad is going to fall apart at this rate."

"You're right." Shirazu recovers from his defeated state. "I'll bust through his door and we'll smother him with our hugs."

He smiles. "Roger that, squad leader."

"Let's persist him tomorrow morning."

* * *

Sasaki stares at the blank ceiling for the umpteenth time, deciding whether he should answer the Squad Leader's calling. He was being too much of a bother. But, despite knowing that, he continued his unproductivity without a care. Strangely, he felt familiar with the supposedly foreign feeling; loss of an important person. 

"You really are pathetic, Haise." He degrades his own self-esteem.

A whole week has passed and in that span of time, he necessitated contemplation.

After that sudden farewell, Arima left Hokkaido ahead without prior notice. The shinigami replied to none of his contacts and his friend, Fura, also had no idea of what went on. Arima acted as if nothing of significance happened, or so Tenri Kazuo messaged.

Their relationship wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway. He was bound to be killed by the very man he loved. So, he should act however he saw fit. Did he actually think he'd end up purchasing a dog and live off with the bespectacled man in a small apartment? Did he really think he would grow old and content without a worry? There was no fairy tale ending in his tragedy.

Screw that crap.

If he ended up disposed, wasn't it better to change? 

Sasaki had enough. He was finished being weak. 

He was done being soft.

This was an aphorism he now accepted. In order to be in this line of work, weakness was not an option. If he was forgotten by everyone else, that would be fine with him. As long as he could protect them. His fake family. 

Sasaki dryly laughs, his vulnerability being absorbed from within. He props his upper half up, legs twisting to the offered slippers on the floor. It was as if he was taken over by a stronger form at this very moment with no resistance.

All of the liabilities of this world are due to a person's inadequacy, his mind reminded him out of the blue.

He won't fall victim to that primary code no longer.

* * *

The whole Quinckes squad stood before his room. Shirazu nervously glances at his team mates and with a slight shake to calm his nerves, he knocks strongly against the door. 

"I'll kick the damn door open in 3 seconds if you don't go out--" 

The door reveals Sasaki, donned in his work attire but something felt very off. He discarded his usual pinstriped pants design and was black from head to toe. Even the belt. No neck tie either. 

Yonebayashi pops up from behind, wanting to hug her Maman. But, she was dismissed with a cold wave.

"Ah, Shirazu-kun." Their mentor meets their eyes, his sharp gaze intimidating them despite the gentle tone he used. "We leave for the HQ right now." 

Urie remained quiet, squinting suspiciously at his strict behavior. 

Mutsuki frowns at this, but nevertheless follows the older suit with the squad.

"So, are you uh, okay now Sassan?" 

"Mm." Sasaki opens the door to his minivan. "Did Akira-san mention anything?" 

Shirazu slides down unto the passenger seat. "She mentioned a new case involving an SS Rate. Though, she took the matter into her own hands since..."

"I see." A subtle smile on his face; it looked unnatural. Sasaki starts the car's engine.

Just for an instant, they thought someone else flashed in their eyes.

* * *

"Aah, it's those freak shows of a squad." An investigator snickered to other one as they went past Sasaki's squad. 

"Assholes." The delinquent cusses as he kicks the dirt on the floor. Urie mutters against his own breath, probably pissed. Mustuki and Yonebayashi just lower their heads, offended by these common instances.

"Don't mind them." Their mentor cracks a finger; the disturbing crunch makes them twitch. "They just spite you because they fear you."

They nod at his implied encouragement and proceed towards the deeper depths of the hall. Halting before a wide door, Sasaki opens the wooden panel to his left. Akira's squad turn to him at the single creak and simultaneously greet him.

"We were worried for you Sasaki." Akira reveals herself to her subordinate and briefly embraced him. "I won't ask for the details of your absence but, a reply to any of my calls would've made me elated."

"Sorry, Akira-san." He bows respectfully. "Would you mind debriefing me and the Quinckes squad the case you've been busy at?"

Her brows furrow at this. "You want this case back, don't you?"

"Not completely. We'll only take half of the custody, in other words, we do the dirty work."

The  Quinckes squad was bewildered with his boldness but the effect was contrary on Akira.

"Oh?" She pops a hip to the side and looks at her squad for any signs of doubt. "They seem to have no objections since you're the ace of our squad after all."

"Then..."

"On one condition."

Obedient silence was kept.

"I will allow you on this case if you deal with this one first." She hands a folder to him.

Flipping through the report, his eyes twinkle in amusement. "Understood, okaa-san."

She sighs happily, not bothering to correct him. "Be careful. If you need assistance, inform me immediately."

* * *

Entering :re, Shirazu finally decides to ask the older about their new case. "Sassan, what did Akira assign us to do?"

"Once we're seated, I'll explain."

The waitress Touka greets them a warm welcome and ushered them to their table. Looking around, the silver haired barista was nowhere to be found.

"Touka-chan." Sasaki fondly calls her. "Where is Yomo-san?"

"Nii-san has some business to take care of."

"Is he really your brother?" Shirazu curiously questions.

"No." A minute later, she comes back with the tray full of their preferences. They were regulars here so the blue-haired waitress knew. "We became close over these tough years so I call him my brother."

Touka playfully rubs Sasaki's head before leaving.

"So rough, Touka-chan." 

"Said something?" She smirks with her pretty mouth, though it wasn't seen.

Their mentor relaxes his shoulders and sipped his coffee after they did. "There's a new but notorious ghoul group in the 17th ward. It's called Executioner."

Saiko laughs a bit. "Executioner sounds like an MMORPG guild."

Sasaki ignores her actions and proceeds. This causes Saiko to be upset. "This group has an estimated amount of 100 members. Bottom line, we have to infiltrate their base and get rid of them before they form an alliance with Aogiri." He sets his porcelain cup down. "If this mission finishes smoothly, you will be able to receive a White Wing Award or an Osmanthus Award." 

Urie immersed himself in what his mentor said but there was a tad bit of reluctance that had Shirazu and Mutsuki question. They knew out of all of the people in this room, it was Urie who wanted a promotion the most. Yet, it seems it didn't sit right with him the way Sasaki handled things now. 

"Rank 1 Sasaki, if we embark on this as a sole squad, there will be a high rate of fatal injuries or worse, death. (Aren't you the one who'd object to this the most, hybrid bastard?)"  

"Relax, that's why I'm here to train you all." Sasaki firmly replies. "Does that not sit well with you?" He acts as if nothing happened between them last week.

The atmosphere turns heavy and intense; only to have it dispelled after the blue haired NEET sneezes.

"Achoo!" This causes Sasaki to grab a few table napkins and offer it to her. 

"Urie-kun, I'll talk with you later." He turns to Shirazu. "We should head home before this turns to an allergy." 

Shirazu internally jumps, grateful to see that Sassan was still a caring mother. He was downright uncomfortable with the way the older had changed so it was definitely a relief to see him act as the good ol' mentor. Same could be said as to how the greenette next to him felt.

Touka pokes out from the counter, her face turning to a worried look as she overheard the whole chat.

* * *

As the squad stepped out of the vehicle, Sasaki gives them a wave.

"You're not going in yet, Sassan?"

"I have something to confirm first." He half-shouts. "Make sure you get the medicine box from my room."

Shirazu gives a curt nod and tells the squad to head in, save Urie who headed in his direction.

Before he starts the engine once more, Urie opens the door and hands him a familiar accessory. "You forgot this in Hokkaido." Sasaki's eyes darken and slaps quickly, yet gently his hand that held it.

"You can get rid of it, Urie-kun." He closes the door and the tires start to screech, leaving Urie at the stoned path.

Urie stood there for a while longer, having his suspicions confirmed. 'Ah, so Special Class Arima and Sasaki are...' He should be happy about this, a chance presented itself. But, something left him a bit discontent.

Maybe it was that he wouldn't be able to see the sincerely annoying smile of his mentor anymore. He felt partly responsible for that. 

As he gets inside, he stares at the Rolex. (It's just a piece of metal anyway.)

Sasaki didn't need it anymore.

He should throw it into the incinerator at the back of Chateau.

* * *

Donato Porpora smiles deviously as he takes a seat. Reflecting through the glass divider was the silhoutte of Rank 1 Investigator Sasaki, who was defined by an unsaid sentence of I don't have time for anything unneccessary. 

"I missed seeing that naive face of yours. Where did it go, Haise?"

He cracks a finger. "Porpora." Sasaki gazes unto the ghoul with a curious but not innocent intent. "Sorry, I don't have time for an idle chat. I need to know."

The Russian leans back. His eyes tinker in mischief and interest.

"The name you mentioned months back, I heard it again in a vague dream."

"And?" 

Sasaki clasps his hands together and leans a little further. "Why don't you tell me who Amon Koutarou is?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If some of you don't know the CCG awards, here it is:  
> White Wing Award-Awarded for defeating an S-rated Ghoul.  
> Osmanthus Award-The base level, given for eliminating 30 Ghouls in a year.  
> Notes: Sasaki is slowly gaining the characteristics of Shironeki bit by bit and he doesn't know. Kishou will appear next chapter xDDD.


	25. Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sasaki delves further into his own investigation and the Quinckes can't help but worry. Was the decision he made the right one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the 500+ kudos and 11 000 + hits. Aye, I never knew my fic would be to your standard guys *cries tears of joy* ;u;. I apologize if cold hearted Haise doesn't sit well with you readers but it's kinda required for my story's pace xDDD. Don't worry, my bby did this with reason. And a certain OC of mine who hasn't been appearing for several chapters now also makes an appearance.

"Why don't you tell me who Amon Koutarou is?"

Donato strokes his chin in thought, leaning into his hand after. "I believe that isn't the smartest thing to ask."

"Ah," Sasaki side eyes the camera implanted in the corner. "It doesn't record audio, Porpora."

"Well, before I answer your question, may I know the reason behind your interrogation?" His fox-like eyes scrutinize the investigator.

"You already know the answer." Sasaki lifts the corner of his lips slightly. "I need to know who I really am."

His sort-of-a-friend Donato sighs before laughing. "Not my responsibility if you end up dying, Haise."

"Please." 

"Now you sound more like your naive self."

Sasaki frowns at this but nevertheless pleaded with his eyes.

He runs a hand through his hair. "Koutarou's my son." 

Sasaki shuts his mouth after.

"You already know the fact that I was a priest, so it wouldn't be odd if I raised children in the orphanage."

As if he asked the ghoul silently of how he ended up here, Donato continues his monologue.

"I ate all of them except for him. You can call it some twisted affection but I left him alive intentionally just to see how far he'd go. Well, he did go far alright." A sardonic smirk. "He reported me to the CCG and they took him in after. Koutarou became an excellent investigator after that. Unfortunately, the last time I saw the troublesome brat was three years ago when he inquired about a dangerous ghoul named Eyepatch."

Eyepatch?

"Your boss worked under Koutarou before since he was a First Class." He straightens his back. "She might know something."

"I don't intend to drag Akira-san into this." Sasaki stares at him head on. "But, thank you for telling me all you know."

"Haise, you know I don't tell bedtime stories without something in return."

"You want me to find him, don't you?"

Donato goes up on his feet, crossing his arms. "That's right."

"Porpora, you seem so confident about him being alive."

"My son doesn't die that easily," He turns around and slowly departs from his room. "That unfaithful brat."

He felt a tiny bit of himself relieved, not knowing the reason for sure.

"Understood. I'll do that much for you." His lids close for a moment.

The metallic clang of the door echoed slightly. 

* * *

The morning that followed after, the Quinckes squad were deeply inconvenienced with an early wake up call by Sasaki. It was a Sunday for crying out loud.

"Sassan." The deliquent yawns loudly, stretching his arms in a feline manner. "Why did you wake us up so early?"

"If you keep complaining Shirazu-kun, you won't go anywhere as an investigator." Sasaki opens the door to their training room.

Urie glances at the briefcases scattered across the floor. "What the hell is this supposed to be?"

"Training." Their mentor walks across the shiny floor before bending down to open a case. "As you know, we all have different quinques."

"Sasaki-san," The greenette pops out. "Are you planning to..?"

"Yes," He starts to stretch his limbs. "All of you will learn to get accustomed to any quinque. Be it yours or not." 

"Woah, is that your new quinque?" Shirazu eyes the finely designed blades that could cut at the slightest graze.

"Mm, though I haven't been able to test it out yet."

The delinquent, thirsty in curiousity, reaches for it.

Sasaki slaps his hand away, warning him. "Careful, your arm will get devoured without protection. It's an Arata type after all."

"Seriously?!"

A very loud growl brings them out of their mutual reverie, following the sound that led to a certain NEET as culprit. Mutsuki snorts a giggle before getting whacked in the head. "Don't make fun of me Mucchan."

"Maman, I want to eat first..." Saiko looks down at her stomach, following his eyes with puppy dog ones.

"Sorry for forgetting," Sasaki stood near her, reluctant, before reaching out to ruffle her head. "What do you guys want to eat?"

Urie looks away while Mutsuki and Shirazu are happily obliged to answer. "Bacon~~"

Saiko hugs him tightly, nuzzling against his warm clothed chest. "I wuv rou shoo muchhh. (I love you so much)"

"Really, Saiko-chan." His face relaxes slightly, and he returns the hug.

Though the group still didn't see the wishy washy smile of his, at least this was a start.

* * *

Gathering around the living room, they watch television as their mentor sizzles up some breakfast for them in the kitchen. And maybe, chit chat in hushed whispers. The topic they were talking about was definitely something that the oldest wouldn't want to hear.

"Oi oi Uribo, is it really true?"

"I'm certain of what I suspect."

"Eh?" The blue-haired girl's frowns, mood dampened. "So P-Papan..."

Mutsuki furrow in sympathy. "Saiko-chan..."

"What are you talking about?" A voice rings out from the left side, causing them to jump back from their positions.

"Nothing." The squad leader scratches his head vigorously, a thin sheen of sweat forming on his face.

Sasaki's bangs cover his face, but they were certain his mood turned sour. He turns quickly before calling them out. "I added some omelette."

The squad slide into their respective chairs and eat their meals in thick silence. Mutsuki chews his food nervously and restlessly glances back and forth between the squad and his mentor.

After they finish every bit of their food, Sasaki opens his mouth. "I know that everyone's curious about how I've been acting different since yesterday but, I can't tell you anything yet."

"I'll admit one thing; Special Class Arima and I are through. If you have so much time to dwindle on trivial matters, you'll get yourself killed." His pupils are a bit glassy before it reverts to its cloudy color. "Don't meddle into my business any further." He pushes himself away from the table and the hands he firmly planted on the table are clenched into fists. 

"Come by the room after your stomach's finished digesting the food." He turns away from the group and widens the distance between them.

They don't speak, only share their feelings of hurt in their eyes. Saiko bites her lip anxiously, not taking the news too well. 

Sasaki leans unto the wall, concealed from their peripherals and breathes in jagged breaths. He squeezed his eyes shut.

This was for the best, right?

An hour or two later, the four head back to the training room with a very prepared mentor. By very prepared meant in less than 10 minutes, they would sweat buckets or tears, whatever would come first. "You pull your weapon back too far." He comments as he easily avoids the swing of Shirazu's quinque.

Not enough.

Urie pierces from above and Sasaki disarms him in a snappy notice. "You should conceal your presence more."

He easily catches the knives Mutsuki thrown at him. "Mutsuki-kun, you should put more speed in your shoulder blades if you want to make a hit. Didn't Juuzou teach you that?"

Saiko aims for his lower half, swiping the ground with her mace. Sasaki reciprocates the attack with ease, having her end up on the floor with one of his Arata point at her.

This was just not enough.

The whole squad stand weakly, sweat dripping off from their bodies. It felt like weights were pulling their lower half down. 

He kicks another set of quinques. "Try using these heavy types."

Their mentor picks up his Arata quinques, looking at them ruthlessly. If they turned to him faster, they would've seen the unsatisfied grit of their mentor. "Again."

* * *

Having to continue training till evening was a great inconvenience to the squad.

"I feel sick." Shirazu doesn't bother to avoid meeting with the dirty floor face-down.

Mutsuki actually blanches at an open window and Urie, well, he was okay. Or he at least tried to look fine.

The NEET walks in a wobbly fashion before her body falls limp. 

Shirazu, Mutsuki and Urie who edged towards the same condition as her struggle approach in her direction, making do with their burdensome bodies. Saiko may have the highest aptitude as the Quinckes but she was still a new duckling on training. Sasaki finally takes mercy and releases her from their attempted support. "I'll send her back to her room." He lifts her with practiced ease. 

"This concludes our training for today. Oh and," Sasaki points out with his eyes the strewn briefcases and quinques. "Make sure to put them back in their respective containers."

Groans were heard when he left.

Sasaki makes a beeline towards the second floor and made his way to the door of Yonebayashi's room. He kicks the door enough for it to fully swing open, revealing a very messy room. His eyes warm up in hidden fondness. Saiko wasn't always keen in cleaning her surroundings. Setting her down on the manageable bed (at least it was taken care of). With that single act done, he starts to tidy up the room by segregating the recyclable apart from the non. The tiny clean-up consumed about 15 minutes and another 2 minutes going back to her room with a beverage in hand. No matter how much he could change, he couldn't do a thing about his maternal instincts.

Sasaki contemplates on leaving a note but decides not to. Had he forgotten his purpose on distancing himself from them? That didn't mean it was easy; however, if it was at the expanse of them not getting hurt then he'd gladly make a deal with the devil. He knew he was being too hard on them but there was no going back now. Truly, he was a monster.

It had hurt but what Arima said was true. 

He holds her face with both hands, kindly, in a gentle manner that he hasn't been doing for a while.

'I'm sorry Saiko-chan,' He would like to say. 'But, I can't be your Maman anymore.'

Not if I'm dead by a long shot.

Sasaki presses the door shut and meets his door on the right. 

"Sasaki." Urie appears meters' behind, one hand removing an earbud. "I still disagree with your plan."

"Is that so?" A bored tone plays at him. "If you really disagree with my idea then," He turns his head halfway. "Go on your knees and plead for it. I might reconsider."

Urie slams his hand on the wood near his head, showing an annoyed look. "You think it's funny to play around with me?"

Sasaki finally looks at him all the way and stays unperturbed despite the close proximity. "I'm not, Urie-kun." 

Urie's mind was flicking between focusing on his anger or eyeing down the way his mentor's perfect jaw hardened, his clean brows furrowed into a small scowl, his alabaster skin glowing and the way his lips glossed naturally---

Stop, he told himself.

He may harbor special feelings towards his mentor but with the way things were right now, a teenage addled love wasn't exactly needed in this scenario.

"So this is it?" Sasaki pushes his chest away slightly before going with a frank remark. "Your pride robs you of your full commitment to the squad. If you've come to argue with me, make sure you don't do it half-heartedly."

Sasaki enters his room without sparing a second glance.

* * *

The next morning, Shirazu heads downstairs first, expecting his mentor to whip up some food in the kitchen. He wasn't there but he left food at the table, tenderly covered with aluminum with a note on top.

_"Microwave this if it turns cold. Left early for finding important files - S.H"_

"Sassan," He sits in the chair, hand on temple. "What's your motive, being this distant?"

Unexpectedly, it's the NEET who enters the dining room second.

"Sa-SAIKO?!!!" The deliquent stands from his position, shocked. 

"What is it Shiragin?"  She tugs at her pig tails tightly. "Is it weird to see me up this early?"

"I thought you weren't doing so well with yesterday."

In actuality, neither of them were taking the change too well. They knew Saiko took it to heart the most yet here she was, microwaving the food in the most mundane manner.

"Are you okay now?" Shirazu peers over her, both hands on either side of her shoulder.

"Yup." Saiko slips in beige mittens to grab the platter without getting burnt. "I slept really well last night, I don't know why though." She beams at him.

"Ne, Shiragin." Her eyes are determined that Shirazu was aware that she had something important to say. "Will you always follow Maman no matter what?"

"Of course." He bares his shark like teeth into a grin. "He supported us all this time. Though now he acts like an asshole--" 

Saiko pouts at his wording.

"Ehem, I mean kinda like a jerk, I know Sassan has his reasons. It goes without saying I'll support him all the way."

"Good." She points to her heart goofily. "Me too."

"What brought this good mood on Saiko-chan?"

"Dunno." Maybe it was just her imagination but something kind had seeped warmth into her gaudy looking cheeks last night. Huh, figures. "Thanks for the clean-up and the pocari sweat by the way."

"Oh, uh, yeah no problem." 

But Shirazu knew no one but their mentor was there at the time. So, it must be...

He shakes his head in a form of relief. Sassan was still Sassan.

Everything will be alright, Saiko assured herself. She didn't know if her Papan was doing the right thing, leaving him but the reaper made her a promise on a pinky swear. That he would protect Maman.

* * *

**CCG Main HQ**

Rank 1 Investigator Sasaki half-jogs his way up through the spiraling staircase, turning left after he's reached an even surface. He scampers on the dimmer part of the poorly lit corridor, scouting for a sign indicating _CCG Archives._  Then, he stops at his tracks when a certain Special Class came closer, Squad 0 following his trail. Sasaki's throat went dry, eyes wide as saucers. His body refused to move, acknowledging the reaper's appearance. Arima was closing the gap between their distances with every moderate step. He hadn't prepared for this encounter.

Should he say something? Greet him or respectfully bow? He didn't even know.

Rather, was it even right to talk with him in this circumstance?

It wasn't like the reaper had anything to say.

So why did he open his mouth to call that man's name anyway? 

"Arima---" A breeze went through the investigator as a tuff of white hair passed him. 

This was expected.

"Sorry cutie..." Tenri and the elite squad cast apologetic looks at him.

"Kazuo, pick up the pace." Arima was already far ahead, not turning even once. The members catch up with him in hurried strides. There really was no going back. This was okay. With that harsh act of ignorance, it reaffirmed that their relationship was really over.

He was... he was perfectly fine

Ah.

Hahaha.

Left alone in the empty hall, he felt his chest squeeze tightly. Especially in where the heart lay. He dryly chuckles, laughing to himself like a mad man. A covered wound starts to ooze out red, as he would compare to the fragile organ that felt. Sasaki grips on the crisp fabric.

He wanted to cry.

But not a single transparent drop fell from the semi-lachrymose eyes.

Wasn't God being too cruel?

If he didn't cry through his eyes then he was sure. He was crying on the inside, trembling and vulnerable.

He had to keep it in. Showing weakness wasn't an option.

* * *

Entering the metallic entryway, Sasaki goes over the book sections in a sure way, not letting a single shelf category miss his eyes. He needed to focus. When in pain, a distraction was a perfect substitute.  Completely immersed was the right word of how he carried out his personal task, but none of the files had anything on what he was investigating solely. He approaches the librarian and finally asks. 

"Would you know where the files of deceased investigators are?"

The said person keeps his mouth shut.

"What about erased files?"

He bows his head in apology. "Sorry but only the Special Class Ranks can access through that archive."

"Yanonoko-san," An arm wraps playfully around the Rank 1's shoulder, a sing-song lilt Sasaki recognized. "Can he get in if he comes with me?"

"Tenri..-san?" Sasaki thought the male departed with Squad 0 earlier. Alas, he was here.

The Special Class Investigator smiles at him before returning his gaze back to the librarian. "Well?'

"B-But..."

"There isn't any rule saying that everyone who goes in should be a Special Class. It only says that you  _need_ a Special Class to enter."

This leaves the librarian to surrender, completely bending to the will of the shrewd casanova. "Let's just be clear that you will take the hit if anyone gets word that you let a Rank 1 in." He slips a black card towards him.

"Roger~~" He playfully salutes, taking the card and slings his arm around Sasaki without the male's consent. "Follow me Haise-kun."

He was led to a wall that was pretty much blank except for a square painting. "What are we supposed to do here, Tenri-san?" His voice and stature was relaxed, thanks to the appearance of a  ~~loud~~ talkative friend. 

Tenri loosens his hold on him and removes the square portrait. A straight, thin line was revealed. He inserts the card from earlier and a hidden panel opens up with metallic noises. "Amazing, right?"

"Mm." Eyes softening out of ease, he lets Tenri guide him into the long tunnel. "Why is the pathway so elongated?"

"I don't really know. But, it seriously is a waste of money and material." He makes an interesting noise.

Before Sasaki knows it, he lets a chuckle escape his lips.

The older sighs in an exaggerated manner. "Thank God."

"Why?"

"I don't want to see you so troubled and sad like you were earlier."

His eyes are downcast in remembering. "..."

The sound of someone falling causes Sasaki to stare down at the man who tripped. 

"T-Tenri-san, are you okay?" He offers a hand to him.

"Ow ow ow, that was so uncool of me." Accepting his offered hand, he's brought up back to how he stood.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Haise-kun," He settles his hands on his shoulder, bending on eye-level. "It's because you're my cute cute friend. I was honestly sad when you didn't message me or anything. " Tenri pouts like a child after. "Also, I want you to know that I worry for you."

"Is that so?" Sasaki weakly puts a hand on his chin. "I'm fine, really."

"You know that you're a terrible liar right?" 

Sasaki walks ahead of him, pretending not to hear the ravenette's statement.

Tenri stares at him pitifully, concerned with how he was now. He questions his own capabilities, walking behind him this time.

I don't know how I can help this person who's encountered such an ill-fate.

_Arima._

* * *

_Flashback:_

_The S3 Squad head down the spiraling staircases, an unsettling mood brewing._

_He walks alongside Arima, trying to get him to turn back._

_"Arima, I know you have your reasons but can you not ignore him like that?"_

_No response._

_Tenri makes a clearly irritated sound and Koori hushes him down despite being concerned about this matter himself._

_"...him." Arima mutters in a serious tone._

_"What?"_

_"Watch over him for me, Kazuo."_

Really, they were both idiots. Or maybe _Bakarima_   was the bigger one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fanart inserted belongs to the amazing artist miyazukun. And if you're reading this shiyado/miyazukun I'll have you know I'm so elated at how supportive you areee :3. Follow her blog on tumblr, she's amazing xDD. I'll update another chapter this week (yay I'm finally updating more.) and idk why I love the OC i made so much (maybe because he's kinda like hide in the bubbly aspect). Pls tell me if you can't see the inserted fanart D: I'll try fixing it if ever


	26. Disturbed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuro and Shiro notice a disturbance in Haise's dreams. Who could be the main cause?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the delay ;u;. I know I can't really update according to the busy schedule I keep (varsity and studies keep me exhausted) but welp I will prevail xD.

**Erased Archives**

"Tenri-san." Sasaki catches a glimpse of him through the open gaps of the shelves. 

His voice reaches to him from the other side. "Do you need help in searching, cutie?"

Scanning past sections with the alphabets' A to C, he stops at the shelf's end, seeing the casanova poke out from one of the corners. He opens his mouth for a moment before closing it again. "Never mind."

An awkward pause.

"Haise-kun," His face had exaggerated hurt. "I'm not stupid. I know what you're trying to do. But, you can trust me not to tell anyone, even Arima."

Sasaki apologizes in a downcast manner. "Gomen."

The older shakes visibly and before the younger could question what was wrong, he locks him in a hug that squeezed the life out of him. "Aww, you're so adorable!" It was somehow difficult to take the male seriously when he looked more like a drenched pup than a serious investigator.  

"T-Too tight." Sasaki croaks out, the tight hold not helping in his windpipe's access.

"Sorry." Tenri sheepishly rubs his head after releasing him. He pats his shoulder reassuringly. "So, what did you want to know?"

"About a ghoul named Eyepatch."

Tenri hums in contemplation. "I think I've heard of that ghoul before. Wait here cutie, I'll find that file." 

Sasaki nods at him as the male disappears in the neighboring section. He once more scans the area he was in, slower than earlier's pace. His careful analysis earns him a file he's been meaning to find. "Found it."

In the transparent marker, it read: AMON KOUTAROU

He inspects the first page. The format on the parchment was distinctly alike with a form of a job resume but it was more or less filled with several credentials.

"First Class Amon," Sasaki stated in a hushed tone, speaking to no one in particular. "Outstanding performance in ghoul annihilation for 4 years. Attained a high value in aptitude tests as an investigator and in grades back in the Academy. Before having a squad of his own, he was partnered up with the deceased Kureo Mado..." He rechecks the characters of his name. There was no mistaking it. Akira had mentioned having a father that passed away but to think this was a coinciding circumstance. Wait, his boss mentioned something about Rabbit and Fueguchi. He skims through the following paragraph. _"...he encountered a ghoul wearing a leather gimp mask with an eyepatch. His partner's corpse had horrible cuts and a fatal stomach wound that is presumably from the Rabbit and Fueguchi ghoul..."_

His head starts to weigh on him terribly, his thoughts swirling crazily. 

A voice dripping with venom echoed through his mind. 

_"You ghouls are messing up this world."_

The portfolio he held dropped with a heavy thump, papers secured by the rusting pin scattered across the floor.

Painful throbs cause him to be unsteady, causing him to lean on the shelf with one arm for sturdy support.

 _"Don't make me a murderer."_ It sounded eerily like him this time around, except that the voice rasped in unfathomable sorrow. 

"Haise-kun?!" Tenri dashes towards the younger, immediately coming to his aide. "Is your body hurting somewhere?" The Special Class was about to prop him up but Sasaki shook his head. So, he settles for grasping his shoulder.

"...I'm fine."

"Your reply was a second too late." Tenri's usual happy expression was replaced with a frown on his forehead and lips. "Seriously."

"I really am fine." He staggers a bit, an audible grimace of pain. "I just went down on memory lane."

This doesn't appease the older, instead, makes him wear a tighter expression. "Haise-kun, can you just stop? With the way things are going, you'll end up hurting yourself."

"I know." Sasaki bitterly smiles. "But thank you for your concern."

Tenri embraces him in a small, comforting hug. "WHO DO I HAVE TO FIGHT."

He wasn't really able to surf through the net often given his status but he knew that the popular tag protection squad was what the younger should have. 

The shorter raises a brow at his randomness. "..?"

"I SAID, WHO DO I HAVE TO FIGHT."

A burst of laughter cuts through the long silence that followed Tenri's sentence when he finally understood. "Tenri-san, what are you talking about?" A real, genuine grin spreads across his face, clearly amused by his antics. 

If there was one sentence that would describe the Special Class, it would be that he swooned over him. "I can keep you right? You'resofriggin'adorableIwannamarryyouandhavekids."

"I couldn't catch that." His mouth now is pressed into a straight line. Although most wouldn't be able to read him as he was now, Tenri could tell he was radiating joy. Even if it was just a bit.

Well, at least the mood turned for the better. 

"Nothing~~" Tenri releases him, scruffing his hair into a mess. 

A tired, content sigh escapes Sasaki's lips. "At least you're here, Tenri-san." Sasaki crouches to gather up the pile of paper.

"Why?" He assists the male into placing back the paper. "What about me?"

"You don't pry into details and," Sasaki bends back up. "You really are an idiotic casanova."

"Stop bullying me." A nervous smirk on the older. "Also," He passes a black portfolio to the shorter. "I got what you asked for."

* * *

They leave the hidden archives with a gain on Sasaki's personal investigation. With a mindset of leaving, they pass by Marude and his squad just outside the CCG Library sign.

"Look who's here." Marude's stood before them haughtily. "Kazuo, why are you with the half-ghoul?" Obvious leers and glares were directed at Sasaki.

No personnel besides them and the librarian were in the vicinity so the arrogant man could get away with anything, even if he was spouting trash at the Rank 1. Of course, Tenri was going to retort right back at the bastard in Sasaki's stead.

"Even if you are a higher-up, that doesn't mean you can call him as you please--" 

"Tenri-san, it's all right." He interrupted his sentence, and most probably their potential argument. "I humbly apologize for the trouble Special Class Marude.." Sasaki performs a 90 degree bow, to show complete sincerity.

The Special Class in front of him makes a displeased sound, stance ready to walk away as if repulsed. But before he would be rendered to walk, Sasaki raises his head with a seemingly harmless smile that chilled their spines.

Maybe what he was showing wasn't complete sincerity. Rather, it wasn't sincerity at all. 

"But, will you please let us pass?" 

* * *

Marude stomps angrily in the long tunnel. "That damn Sasaki. Thinks he can order us around just because he's been under Arima."

His squad watch him fume with rage, unable to console what he felt because they experienced the same thing. They were frustrated about how his gaze intimidated them. The single deed of them moving to the other side just to give a mere Rank 1 space. They, an elite squad, were being ordered around by someone lower than them.

Upon arrival, they immediately attend to the bookcases on the far end. They had to preoccupy themselves with work. That way, they were rational enough not to slice through anyone's throat. Their leader on the other hand...

Even the way he browsed through files was rough, his to and fro walking pace screamed angry but their attention diverts soon enough to a crunching sound. Most probably under Marude's shoe.

He raises an eyebrow at this, picking up whatever he stepped on. It was a picture, separated from the original cluster of a file. What had made this special was the person in it.

Amon Koutarou.

Who the hell would be researching on an investigator that was irrelevant at this time?

* * *

**Outside CCG Laboratory**

"Thank you for driving me all the way here, Tenri-san." Sasaki shows a grateful face, shutting the car door whilst doing so.

"No problem. I gotta go back; I got called in for a mission." A soft whistle. "Call me when you need me, Haise." Tenri purposely left out the -kun just to let the younger understand the weight those words held.

"Mm."

Sasaki struts down the corridor with a set destination. The minute he was alone, his face was wiped off of his joy. After the following minutes, he finds himself at the entrance of the quinque-esque dome. He complies with the regular routine of having his ID checked, and his suitcases examined.

When he finally enters the small area, he places back a miniscule smile at the blue-haired ghoul.

"How are you?"

Arata's sullen face lights up at the comfortable company, a mutual beam at the investigator. "Here I was thinking you've already forgotten me. Those extractions hurt but I'll live."

Sasaki silently chuckles as he offers himself a stool, both people having lax backs.

"I'm sorry I haven't been as consistent as I was before."

"I understand you have things to tend to, Sasaki-kun."

His face falls, an embittered frown. "Things."

"What's wrong?" Arata shifts in his seat, ready to offer his ears to listen.

"...You're aware of my circumstances. I don't know I'm supposed to be anymore." A dry laugh.

"Oh."

A pleasant voice fills through the dome's walls. "I can't really give you a pat at the back since..." Blue orbs are reflected into the glass.

He stares at him in realization and shook his head in apology. "I shouldn't have--"

"Don't be. I don't have any regrets being locked in for use because I did it to protect the people most precious to me."

"..." Sasaki's face enters a state of contemplation. "You're related to Touka, aren't you?"

The air was dead for a minute, until the one in inquisition spoke.

"Sasaki-kun," Arata returns the stare with pleading eyes. "Don't tell anyone, please."

"I know, Arata-san."

The bluenette purses his lips slightly. "Is..is she alright?"

Touka was a ghoul. His suspicions had been dead on. It had been a guess but, perhaps he himself was related to Touka in someway. It always bothered him how it felt to be familiar and unfamiliar with the blue-haired waitress at the same time. Whether or not this would be proven to be valuable information, he would keep it all to himself. He would protect  _all_ of them.

"Mhm. She's doing great. Might I add that she's a blooming beauty?" He folds his arms tightly, his eyes darkening.

"Careful, you might end up marrying my daughter." So he was the protective type.

Sasaki shakes his head in disagreement. "Hopefully I won't be dead by then. A real barbaric girl I tell you."

Tears slip through the older's eyes. Arata furiously wipes it off before the younger would make a remark. "Sorry, it's just," His voice croaked in joy. "It's been a really long time."

Sasaki feels a small warmth blossom in his heart. He was that type of person who wanted to make people smile.

"Have you heard from Ayato?"

"Sorry." He screws his expression into unfamiliarity. "I only know who Touka is."

"I see." Disappointment was etched into his sentence.

Touka had a brother, he noted. He was pretty sure that name was given recognition somewhere in his mind but he couldn't formulate the right words with regards to him.

Sasaki couldn't blame himself as much as he would've wanted to.

He had amnesia after all.

* * *

After finishing other matters in the CCG, Sasaki tends to his bed directly. He doesn't make any move for lying down. Just sitting up straight by the bedside, eyes fixed at the two briefcases he had. One contained Arata's quinques, he denotes guiltily and then there was the weapon that the reaper gave him. 

Yukimura 1/3.

Sasaki can still recall, fresh as any other day. He was called by Arima three days prior to meeting Akira. With a blunt introduction and a gentle ruffle to the head, he was given Yukimura 1/3. That was the simplest of exchanges and a moment uneventful to most. 

But to him, that memory was a very happy one.

Sasaki stands from where he is, hands stretching towards the used container. He hoists it up to his chest, sitting back down with the encased quinque.

"Arima-san." He says to no one in particular, hugging the steel container in a desperate hug. There was no warmth provided, only a cold metal surface in greeting. His eyes are drained, elation burned out. "I miss you." He speaks from his heart, something he hasn't been doing often. 

With that, his head rests on the soft pillow, his hand remaining on the suit case situated next to him.

* * *

Child-like sobs reverberated through the white walls surrounding them, two bodies at rest inside a gigantic birdcage. The ravenette hushes his sobbing, a kind and gentle voice.

"Shiro,"  **He**  shifts closer to the white-haired child, a protective arm wrapped around the smaller figure. "What's the matter?"

The child doesn't answer, only clutching at the collar of his white-sleeved shirt. **He** rests his chin on top of the snowy tresses, humming a lullaby his mother used to hum to get him to sleep.

Rather, what  _their_ mother used to hum.

For the whole time that they spent in this surreal dimension, Kuro noted how Shiro would change appearance from time to time. He would appear to be in his ghoul form when Haise would be enraged, sometimes he'd be his usual, unmasked self; wearing similar outfits like him for when in a neutral mood. And then, there were instances where he'd revert to a vulnerable child. That would be when Sasaki was in pain. Kuro himself would morph at times but not as consistently as the other would.

Lately, it was worrying to see his companion remaining constantly as a child. Even worse, both of them have been experiencing hurt. They would cry for no apparent reason and it concerned him of Sasaki's welfare.

Besides he and Shiro, there was one more occupant living in this dimension but would never stay inside the same cage they were in. Kuro glimpses at the far left, a bigger and darker cage housing a monster that was in slumber. Yes, it was the monster they created. Unlike them, he would only wake from his sleep when hunger and weakness was present. They tried stopping him several times but it proved to be a fruitless struggle.

He pulls the comforter over them, the child nuzzles over his chest, whimpering in disturbance. Kuro hears a small calling,  _Arima-san._

"Haise." Kuro squeezes his eyes shut, ignoring the ache in his head. "Is he the reason why you're hurting?"

* * *

 

Suiren opens the door to reveal her grandson standing at the doorstep. "Ki-chan?"

She's greeted with a wordless embrace. "What's the matter, dear?" The elder touches his back soothingly. 

"I saw Haise today."

Suiren heard everything from him a week ago. And though she's never met this boy, she was sure that Sasaki must've meant a lot to him. It was saddening to see her grandson smiling less and less when he rarely even smiles. His empty eyes had spoken lengths but she doesn't give him advice, she just listens. The elder knew it would hurt him more if she did.

"Let's talk about this inside, okay?" She pushes him back gently before putting a hand over his shoulder. "It's rather chilly since the rainy season is close."

"..." The bespectacled man nods, entering her humble abode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess my fic's gonna end around chapters 35-40 but I'm not certain when exactly it will end. Probably before December or smth. Yes, I'm still writing a lot of feels in here cuz I'm evil ;)


	27. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which for once, Urie thinks up of something nice and the Quinckes squad obviously take part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not being able to update for almost a month! Gah, I'm closer to tournament season in my sport so I'm really sorry. Since you guys have been suffering for so long, I have some good news for you. This chapter will be bordering on some fluff although there will still be sadness (I'm thankful I had this kinda happy chapter in my mapped out plotline). Think of it as a break from all the angst xD. The chapter is kinda long too xDD.

Sasaki side glances at the barely breathing squad. "I expect all the quinques to be returned."

Two weeks went by like the spring breeze. For their mentor that is. And only him. Period. As for them, the spring breeze was more like the freezing winter wind that caused frostbites. They were getting worn out with the robotic routine Sasaki unconsciously instilled in their being. Eat, investigate, train, sleep. And the cycle would repeat itself. Of course, they could always break free from this obligation and talk it out with the older but they didn't want to disappoint him. Like how a certain reaper did. God forsake a scenario where they would hurt him so that idea was a no-no.

It would be less than a week that they were to infiltrate the base of the Executioner group. Probably, that had been the reason for the increase on their training's intensity.

"Sure thing Sassan." Shirazu replies on behalf of his exhausted team. 

"If you'll excuse me." Sasaki leaves them to their assigned tasks, causing the four to frown unnoticeably. Urie mostly.

* * *

It was normal for him to visit the places the file had mentioned but he didn't really get anything from it. Maybe a headache, yes but besides that, nothing. Be it some alley or some sewer area. The difficulty of trying to get his memories increased. What could be stopping him from doing so?

"Amon Koutarou and Kaneki Ken..." Sasaki rereads the paragraphs on the 13th page, the paper holding significant information on Amon's last case. He throws his eyes back and forth on the two files he held. Eyepatch and the First Class Investigator. He taps his pen against the desk, a common habit of his when in deep thought. Everything he read feels all too familiar, nostalgia hitting him when he reads through the description of Eyepatch.  _"a leather gimp mask that shows the prominent features, such as a wide manic grin stitched with it and the frankenstein bolts.."_

The thumping stops.

Sasaki's finally understood after rereading the file several days in a row. He could be Eyepatch. He and Amon Koutarou might have fought each other before. So how did Kaneki Ken fit into the equation? Sadly, there was no picture of the said boy to help, nor was there an image of Amon. Plus, he didn't know how the male's name was written. Sasaki removes the glasses that were perched on the bridge of his nose and he resigns to the comfort of his bed.

Once again, he rests with his old quinque case. "Arima, I'm doing really great." This was his common way of coping. "I hope you are too." A small chuckle before he feels empty again. Sasaki clutches the suitcase tighter.

"You stupid reaper." His voice betrays his insult. 

* * *

"Sassan's been doing that lately." Shirazu's back lands on the sofa's cushion with a soft thump.

The greenette settled on his left. "What do you mean Shirazu-kun?"

"He rarely spends time with us and heck, we don't even know what he does, waking up in the wee hours of morning. Trust me, I tried entering his room at 5 AM..."

Saiko disapprovingly glares at Shirazu.

"W-wait Saiko-chan, I'm not a pervert. I just wanted to try talking with him, I swear." He flails his hands, panicking at Yonebayashi's accusatory gaze.

Saiko pouts a bit before reluctantly replying an okay.

Shirazu heaves a stressed sigh. "What I'm trying to say is, there must be some sort of reason besides the Executioner case that's keeping him busy. A reason why he's neglecting us for weeks. I'm not a detective but by a lucky guess..."

"Sasaki's trying to find out about his past identity." Urie spoke, finishing Shirazu's statement.

"Why would Maman do that?" The blue-haired NEET furrowed her eyebrows slightly, not having a single clue.

That question was left unanswered.

"Shirazu."

"What is it, Uribo?" He glances at the music lover.

"I think," Urie sets down his earpieces. "We should go ice skating."

His teammates stared incredulously at him, blinking. Once. Twice. Thrice.

Was it that much of a shock for him to propose an idea like that?

"Are you really Uribo?" Shirazu gaped stupidly, not accustomed to hearing an earnest request from the sentimental teammate.

Urie sighs, somehow regretful about mentioning his motives first rather than the idea itself.

* * *

"..Ice skating?" Sasaki half-turns his head to the enthusiastic calling, slightly surprised with his proposition.

"Yeah." Shirazu scratches his head before spinning Sasaki around to face them. "It will be fun so you have to come with us."

"..." He inwardly sighs in response, disinterested eyes staring at them. "I need to finish some tasks. You should just go without me."

They more or less anticipated a blatant rejection. The squad leader had imagined this would be the case, so they use their last 'resort'. Also known as the Rank 2 that came by the name Urie Kuki.

"Sasaki," Urie steps forward, maintaining eye contact with the older. "You yourself said we have to work on the team's coordination and morale (Not that I care.). Also as the mentor of this squad, you're obliged to supervise us in our outside activities."

"Urie-kun, I'm your mentor. Not your babysitter." He regards this nonchalantly to Urie, as if breaking it down to a grade school student. 

Urie bites down his irritation, instead, trying to express his best intentions with a sincere face. "It would mean a lot if you'd come along. Can you reconsider?" Shirazu throws a thumbs up at him. He sighs.

Here goes nothing.

"Please." 

Sasaki freezes momentarily, this somehow grated his nerves. Did people really think of him only as a conniving, self-centered teenager?

Urie brushes this unwelcome thought off, waiting for him.

Sasaki softens at his reluctant courteousness and slowly, speaks in genuine appreciation. "That's a first." A small huff. "When?"

The shared look the squad had screamed home run. Shirazu, Saiko and Mutsuki whooped internally. Maybe they should let Urie say please more often. He rolls his eyes at his teammates. 

Overbearing people really.

* * *

Arima leans slightly to read the contents of his next mission, sipping the coffee while doing so. He grimaces, it was bitter and diluted. He doesn't complain though. If he did, his thoughts would eventually escalate from coffee to a certain crossbreed. The bespectacled man rubs his temples, head pressing down on one hand after. When he encountered the boy on the hallway several days ago, he found himself almost unable to walk away from him. Almost. He longed to touch him; to ruffle his head, to caress his cheek or cup his face affectionately. Maybe a surreptitious peck even. Most of all, he wanted hold him, to comfort his most precious.

But he can't do that. He abandoned the position to do so himself.

His musings end when someone knocks on his office door.

"Come in."

Akira enters his office with a small nod, her straightforward expression present. "Special Class Arima." 

"No need for the formalities Akira." Arima eyes the file she was holding with vague interest.

She seems to have caught on with his trail of sight and answers his unsaid question. "Haise and the Quinckes will be engaging on the Executioner group at the end of the week. I just need the signature of approval from you."

"Their rankings?" Arima narrows his eyes, though Akira hadn't noticed.

"Mostly A to S."

"Number."

"Roughly a hundred."

"Their assistance?"

"He hasn't requested for one yet."

Akira slips the clear file on his desk, putting a hand on one side of her hip. "Arima, admit it. You're worried for him, aren't you?"

"..."

"Why are you avoiding the topic?"

Arima spins his chair around to face the window. 

This spurs Akira to speak on. "When I first met Haise 3 years ago, I thought he'd simply be an assignment I had to raise, nothing less, nothing more." She decides to sit on the chair before his desk. "But I was wrong; I already knew the sins he carried. His aliases, be it Eyepatch or Centipede. Even the case where my father's death had been involved, yet..." A pause. "As much as I haven't forgiven this, I couldn't hate him for who he was before or at least, I can't hate him now. He's kind, gentle and strong but I always thought that his kindness would be the cause of his fall. Haise reminds me of  _him_. Tell me you aren't worried for how he's been acting recently..."

No response.

"Arima."

"..."

"Thank you for listening." Akira holds her grit, frustrated with how passive the Special Class was.

Though, her anger dissipates a little as she leaves, hearing a small but audible response from the bespectacled man.

I do worry.

* * *

"Look Shiragin, I'm Mao Asada!" Saiko performs a single Axel on ice, causing the said male to almost faint.

"Saiko, that's dangerous!" Shirazu, like a mother hen, approaches the blue haired NEET, watching over her.

Mutsuki skims through the sheet of ice, in perfect sync with the blades.

"Woah, you're pretty good at this Tooru." He compliments but comically wobbles from being awed. 

They both laugh at him.

Sasaki clears his throat as he takes the first step on ice, an unsteady one. There was reluctance and doubt in his grey orbs but Urie was somehow enjoying this foreign expression, pleased to know that he would quell this anxiety. 

The ravenette holds both of his arms, surprisingly gentle with his act of guiding. "You shouldn't think about falling. That will backfire."

”Okay." Sasaki's stance relaxes at that. He stumbles slightly on a misstep, causing him to steady himself by putting his hands on Urie's shoulder. 

Urie sighs at his mistake and he is greeted with a glare from his mentor. "Is this your first time to skate?(You suck at this.)"

"What do you think?" A snappy reply.

Maybe that wasn't the right call.

He tries again.

"...It's a normal instance if this is your first time." Urie holds both of his arms up again, skidding through ice with his eyes only at the older's. "First, you need to get a feel of your skates on ice."

"And then?" Sasaki starts small, careful movements with his legs. 

"Keep your feet slightly apart and bend a little."

He complies.

"Try brushing the ice with your blades again."

His feet start to perform simultaneous strokes as Urie guides him, in each passing second, he grows more confident.

The ravenette releases him, evident panic on Sasaki's eyes. "Remain calm, and keep doing what I taught you to do."

Sasaki heaves a breath that comes out as a white puff, and starts to glide. His first few strokes come off as shaky but he continues to skate, with the assurance that the younger was still watching.

"You can do it Maman/Sasaki-san/Sassan!" His squad from the other side of the rink cheer on, not at all embarrassed that there were other people besides them in the vicinity.

Positive energy motivates his being, creating bolder movements.

He makes a rather beautiful turn, eyes starting to flicker like he was alive again. Urie still didn't see a smile on his face but he would've been an idiot if he didn't notice his mentor's joy. 

His button nose was rosy pink from the chill, just like his cheeks. The strands that stood out strangely complimented his eyes that glowered in undecipherable emotion. His hands itched to mount an empty canvas and paint his mentor. That was how pretty he looked at the moment. It was eccentric to call a man pretty but alas, Sasaki Haise was an exception.

Not that he'll ever admit that.

Sasaki returns back to him, face brimming with interest and gratitude though Urie knew he was trying to hide his expression.

"Are there other tricks? I hope you don't mind."

"I can teach you. (It's nothing much.)" Urie comes close to him slowly, as if asking permission to the older if he can enter his personal space. He offers a hand.

Sasaki takes his clothed hand without hesitation and the younger had to marvel on the overwhelming trust that action showed. 

Maybe it was a good thing he wasn't in a foul mood or putting a scorn on his face today.

Urie positions himself on Sasaki's right side and starts to move his feet simultaneously with the same rhythm the older had. 

"Shiragin." Saiko called Shirazu's attention with a poke to his shoulder. "Look at that."

Shirazu throws a questioning glance at Saiko, and then Mutsuki's gaping face. He resigns to whatever they're looking at and he accepts the shock wholeheartedly with a jaw drop. Urie and Sasaki were skating. Together.

They thought those two had the worst relationship ever since they arrived from Hokkaido. He had to commend Urie for managing to pass through the wall Sasaki had put up. But, as good news as this seems, he can't help but feel bothered as to why Urie would do all this. Was it for promotion? Benefit? Or was this simply just for their mentor? 

Shirazu manages a happy sigh. 'You changed for the better Uribo.'

"He's... humble." Mutsuki describes his behavior carefully. "Maybe he's trying to patch things up with Sasaki-san?"

Saiko vigorously nods in agreement.

* * *

Later on, the squad stood before the convenience store nearest to them. They didn't really bother removing all the thick articles of clothing as it was quite chilly outside. The weather forecast did mention that there would be a storm by the end of the month. Sasaki lends Shirazu enough money for their snacks.

"Make sure that Saiko's snacks will not be high in calorie. Besides that, you're free to choose." 

"Roger." The squad leader offers a toothy grin and turns to usher Mutsuki and Yonebayashi inside.

He takes a seat on the outside bench, glancing at Urie who was waiting for his preferred drink to drop from the vending machine. On closer inspection, the earphone-wearing teen inserted yet another coin. 

"Here." Urie tosses the canned coffee to him.

Sasaki mumbles out a thank you before shaking it well. "You can sit." He offers more space for the younger.

Urie raises a brow at this. Of course he can. There was already enough space for him without the older adjusting. What was he thinking? Sasaki was hard to read. He could be polite at one instance and pissed at the other. Speaking of his fluctuating mood swings...

Sasaki's face turns to a small scorn. It was adorable  but he realized his unintentional mistake. His irritation was growing because he hadn't been quick enough to respond with all these thoughts weighing on him. This was probably his cue to sit.

When he does though, there's an immeasurable amount of awkwardness hanging around the air.

He resists the urge to do his signature frown. (What the hell. I just did what you said asshole.)

Urie tries to calm himself. Snapping right now won't do any good. He exhales, careful to conceal his irritation. How should he start the conversation?

Urie's eyes venture anywhere except at Sasaki's.

He's probably going to sound stupid, betraying his title of Life-time Academy Scholar but he tries to initiate a casual one anyway. 

"...So," He looks up, removing his ear piece. "The weather's nice." 

In a matter of seconds, sounds of chortling could be heard. Urie immediately turns to Sasaki who had something he had been waiting for. A pure, beautiful and genuine smile.

"Urie-kun, it's cloudy today." Sasaki stifles another wave of his giggling. "This is not like you at all."

He felt his heartbeats thrum violently against his ears and he has the shame of allowing the heat get into his face. Urie wants the cloudy sky to swallow him now.

It may only be for a temporary while but he feels a twinge of satisfaction that he's managed to make his mentor truly smile. A fair bargain for his pride.

Sasaki quiets down a minute after that, his face serious. "Urie-kun." His eyes look downwards, a not so secretive fondness present in his expression. "I'm certain you have an inkling of why I haven't been... attending to you all."

Urie nods.

"You probably think what I'm doing now is stupid but I've already decided on this." He smiles bitterly. "Let me be blunt. I don't want you to get involved with what I'm doing right now. So do me a favor and lay off." His voice was so raw and vulnerable at the same time so firm. 

"...Do whatever you want. (How annoying.)" That came out a bit harsh but it made Sasaki meet his eyes. "But, I--no, the squad will always be here if you need us. Also, I apologize for my inappropriate act at Hokkaido. (Fucking hybrid..)"

"Thank you." With that, he smiles at him again. 

A comfortable silence ensues. 

Damn it. With all the satisfaction he's getting, it was only fair that the older too, should have some form of consolation. 

"Sasaki." Urie fishes out a metallic accessory from the pocket. "Open your hand."

Sasaki does and he's surprised to see the Rolex on his palm. "Urie, I told you to--" 

"It's such a waste of expensive metal. (I want to get rid of it.). Also, this is important to you since you still harbor feelings for _that_ Special Class." _  
_

His troubled look told him just that. Urie would be lying if he said that he didn't feel a bittersweet sting.

Sasaki stares at him head on, slowly closing his palm that held the Rolex. "I wonder how many times I'd have to say thank you." 

The corners of Urie's mouth twitch up and for the briefest of seconds, he felt something warm and soft press on his forehead.

"Aren't you just a  _cutecumber_?" He manages to make a pun and Urie can't bring himself to wince at it when he felt so uncharacteristically happy.

If only things would stay like this.

But it can't.

Urie knew the drill. Once they would be back at the Chateau, Sasaki would play the role of the distant and controlling mentor. At least, he knew a part of it was done for their sake.

The silence was back. It wasn't either peaceful or awkward. Just quiet. 

"They're probably done by now." His voice is cool, and bordering on a smaller amount of playfulness. He bends down and rises. 

Urie sets his earpieces into place, following the older's movements. He was given a combination of frustration and bitterness right above his chest. With a heavy heart, he realizes he can't change the older's mind. He had tried. And that's the reassurance his subconscious told him. He hopes the briefest times that his smiles could be burned into his memory so he can relish on that beautiful sight and that soft thank you too. 

He doesn't want to think any further; knowing that Sasaki's future wasn't a thing he'd look forward to. All he can do now is pray. Pray that the hybrid bastard would be okay.

"Sorry for taking so long Sassan!" Shirazu walks out the convenience store with Mutsuki and Yonebayashi. "Saiko was being really picky and--"

The trio have puzzled looks on their faces as Sasaki and Urie were already walking ahead. Did they miss something?

* * *

"Maman, why are we in the HQ so early?" The blue haired NEET looked expectantly at Sasaki. 

It was rather odd that they came in the Main HQ before the sun even rose. They would usually start their day with a heavy breakfast and train (even if their mentor was sometimes not present, the cameras stationed in the spacious room were eyeing their every move). This was the first time that Sasaki himself broke off their routine. For what purpose?

"Saiko-chan." Sasaki patted her head lightly. "Be patient and just follow."

Several minutes later and they are currently standing outside Akira's office. Sasaki twists the knob open to reveal not only the Akira squad but a certain veteran squad as well. 

Their eyes held recognition as a certain individual greeted their mentor with a 90 degree bow, someone with closed eyes give them a foxy smile, a deadpan face and the remainder of the squad were just scoffing at their arrival.

The Hirako Squad.

Sasaki opens his mouth to explain before they'd have the chance to ask. "I've asked the Hirako and Akira squad to provide support on the Executioner mission. Initially, I would've preferred this mission to be the task of a sole squad since I'm confident about your abilities but," He makes eye contact with Urie, a thoughtful gleam. "I don't want you guys dying yet."

Urie seals his mouth shut, preventing himself to gape. Was the bastard testing his attitude all along?

Shirazu and Mutsuki obviously tried but failed to hide their smiles when there was evident affection in what he said. Saiko was having an all out grin.

Hirako, Akira and Sasaki nod to each other in silent agreement. Akira claps her hands once, a signal that all of them save Hirako and Sasaki should stay outside and wait. 

After the moderate thumps of several people's feet and the door creaking to a close, they start talking. 

"Haise, you already know the protocol." 

"Yes Akira-san." Sasaki stood with professional and refined grace. "I will be commanding the squads' movements for the majority of the operation." He clears his throat. "I also will be held responsible should this mission fail--"

Sasaki pauses when a tall shadow looms over him to... give him a ruffle on the head? 

"Hirako-san?" His eyes look up to the still deadpan expression. Wait, did he see a trace of sympathy there?

"...I've heard from Fura and Tenri," Hirako stops his ministrations, coughing lightly. Probably embarrassed by now. "Don't let it bother you.

Akira smiles and shakes her head lightly. She was certain that although Hirako and Sasaki weren't that close, he held some platonic affection for the poor boy. Probably wondering the same thing as her. Where did that cheerful and enthusiastic boy go?

"Mhm." Sasaki offers a small sad smile, eyes darkening sadly at the thought of Arima. "I try not to."

* * *

In a dark alleyway, a hooded figure observes his companion feasting on a fresh corpse of a ghoul.

"Amon-san," His tone was calm, not at all minding the grotesque scene unraveling in front of him since it was a sight he was accustomed to. The ghoul attacked them first so he had it coming. "How long do we have to stay with these ghouls? They're just as low as Aogiri." 

Only sounds of munching could be heard.

He stares at Amon with one kakugan at his right, his normal eye at the left. "Amon." He leaves out the honorifics just to let him now he was serious.

The ravenette turns his unchanged eye at the smaller male, sighing afterwards. Not at all hostile. "If we try to escape now, the group will hunt for our heads. I know it's frustrating but our options are limited and it's a basic estimate of 2:300 if we fight. We leave when they're busy with the CCG. By then, we'll be able to meet with  _them_ and see Eyepatch."

"We'll use the confusion to mask our escape, huh." He mumbles. When the shorter leans against the wall, a brief glimpse of tan skin contrasted to the dark hood he wore. 

_Kaneki, wait a little longer for me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^) who could that be? xDD next chapter will be infiltration time and I'm being evil again for the cameo at the end. Maybe i'll update next week by sunday. Let's just see since I can't promise anything. If you guys don't know Mao Asada, she's a popular figure skater in japan. (I researched it just for Saiko's statement xD). I always had this headcanon that Saiko and Mutsuki were surprisingly graceful skaters :). Haise being taught something new by the promotion lover always had me motivated into writing this. Ahh, the refreshing teaching reversal.


	28. Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a single hair was to be touched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't keep my word again *sigh* . In all honesty I suck at making fight scenes but I tried anyway ;u;.

The steel benches in each side were filled with occupants. Sasaki took a quip at their monitor, holding a hand ledger to support him as he was standing on the spot all eyes would see.

"Are there any suggestions or opinions? We have less than 5 minutes." He half-shouted, aware that the metallic clanks would leave his gentle way of speaking beaten.

Kuramoto Itou raises a hand and Sasaki had nodded in his direction, giving him permission to speak.

"Supposing the plan goes awry and there was no means of contacting you, what should be done?" His closed eyes remain frighteningly serene despite his question. 

"Await instructions from First Class Akira or First Class Hirako."

"What if we can't contact anyone at all?"   

Sasaki answered simply. "Run."

The vehicle came to an abrupt halt.

* * *

 

Arima shrugged his arms in clean and crisp cloth. He buttoned up the cufflinks in each sleeve and adjusted the collar that was in contrast to the black turtleneck underneath. Arima typed out a 4 numbered combination on the safe right next to his bed and carefully revealed a small device. An item he hasn't used for years. The bespectacled man stares at his closet, an all too familiar sweater peeking out from the rack. The birthday gift that his--no, Sasaki Haise had given him. He lingers in that direction a second longer.

_"Arima-san." His eyes were shining with adoration._

He wipes his lenses in a circular manner.

_"You're hurting me." Sasaki's eyes were filled with tears._

Unfolding his spectacles' hinges, he slides the temples into place.

_This time, his pupils were uneven, red on the left. Full of bloodlust and loathing. "You're the cause of Haise's suffering."_

Arima taps his Giovanni shoes to test the mobility of his feet in them.

The Special Class glances at the clock hanging by the wall. Ten minutes before twelve. Arima's lips were pressed in a thin hard line as he held the attache cases. With one last look on his room, he closes the door with a soft creak. 

* * *

Urie was quick enough to narrowly escape being squashed by a bikaku's tail. He went three steps back and leaped over the ghoul all the while slicing him into half. Another assailant makes his appearance though it wasn't long before he was shot through the head by a member of his unit.

"Tch. (I could've handled that one.)" The ravenette glares at Kuramoto who interprets his angry stare next to nothing.

"Not feeling a single ounce of guilt." Kuramoto makes a small shrug before putting back the quinque gun to his holster. He dashes towards a ukaku ghoul and evades every shard he made before greeting him and the people behind him with a brutal welcome by his other quinque.

The music lover sighs as he pierces through a ghoul.

Show off. 

Urie skids through the huge group of ghouls all the while whorling their heads off with his activated kagune. Others fight their way through despite being highly outnumbered. Another minute passes and they hear a commotion at the front most part of the hallway. A tuff of braided pale blond hair was noted from all he can see and he knew the other unit finished off the other area earlier than anticipated.

Akira starts to run, slashing the throats nearby with her Fueguchi. He wasn't really the type to praise someone but he had to commend Mado for handling the quinque as if it was her finger.

The joint group finish off the remainder of the ghouls without so much as batting a wink. Blood splattered everywhere, a precise description of a slaughter house. But this was their job. They discarded their urge to vomit for a mission as significant as this.

"Rank 1 Sasaki," Akira taps her earpiece twice. "We cleared the west hall."

They hear a familiar buzz of static, followed by the said person's response.

"Head to the 2nd Floor."

Sasaki evaded the swing of the koukaku ghoul and made a quick cut with his dual Aratas. They were at an abandoned factory between the 17th and 18th ward. The location proved to be advantageous for the ghouls. A complex structure that would confuse them and the place had halls which were rather narrow. Whoever was leading them was most probably an intelligent one. Fortunately, Sasaki was much more intelligent. 

Only the numbers were problematic so far.

Mutsuki hurled several knives at the ghouls in front of him. "This way!" He pointed out to the left.

Sasaki kicked an assailant away who was done in by Takeomi. The unit he was in charge of directly followed the greenette's trail while he followed last to be certain no one was incapacitated. Some circled around him, delaying his follow-up.

He struck every remaining ghoul on his path, making a swift side step to lunge right on the lower part of the ghoul. Sasaki shadowed his unit's trail through sound, soon to see a familiar silhouette in front of him. "Sasaki-san." The greenette crouches to catch his breath before wiping his sweat, relief in his expression. "Thank God." 

Had he worried Mutsuki? 

Sasaki squeezes his arm reassuringly and gave him a small push to keep going. "You shouldn't worry about me."

* * *

Hooded figures hiding in the dark corner of the very same hall had a small dispute. 

His brown eyes were fully blown, determined to bolt out. "I have to go." 

Strong hands were placed firmly on the shorter's shoulders.

"Nagachika." Amon scolds him, brows creased. "If Eyepatch means so much to you then you would know that this isn't the right time to approach him. Going to him now would only mean death."

"Kaneki's my best friend. I can't stand to leave him alone like this, Amon-san." Hide shakes his head.

"Have a leap of faith." The ravenette states. "You can see him in due time but this circumstance isn't favorable on both of our parts."

The blonde clenches his fists.

"Eyepatch--no, Kaneki wouldn't want to see you in Cochlea. Trust me on this or all efforts we had for the past years will be in the dust." His teal eyes glinted as if trying to assure himself as well, a small part of him wanting to do the same.

Gritting his teeth, he slowly uncurls his fists. No matter how smart he was, he couldn't give up that irrational part of him when it involved his friend. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't stand to pass a chance like this. A chance to meet Kaneki. But... Amon was right.

Hide exhales, trying to get rid of the budding frustration. "...I understand." 

"..." Amon nods and beckons the blonde to follow him. 

The farther they were from their original point, the heavier Hide felt. An ounce added to his pile of longing and regret with each hurried step.

* * *

How did it come to this?

Sasaki breathed erratically, unable to register what had transpired. His entire unit was scattered across the room, all in fatal condition. Mutsuki's body was limp, blood pooling around him. The boy shielded him upon the assault. 

Why wasn't he healing?

Why was there no response coming from him?

No.

Please, this was all but a nightmare.

This shouldn't be happening.

He failed to protect.

His whole form trembled, knees on the ground in front of his subordinate's bloodied figure.

The person responsible stood meters before him, beaming at him with complete malice.

It was a miscalculation on his part. A flaw that would most likely cost his life. He didn't prepare for a battle with a potential SSS Rate. He had thorny appendages sprouting from his back, indicating that he, without a doubt, was a kakuja. Akira had mentioned a dangerous ghoul with the name of Mincer. He was their leader all along.

Sasaki's unmatched eyes were burning with hatred and killing intent.

"Hmm, you're.." The ghoul cocked his head creepily to the side. "A half-ghoul?"

If he was going to die, he'd drag the ghoul to hell with him. He didn't care anymore.

He casts his Aratas aside, removing his gloves in the process.

Sasaki cracked his index finger, his kagune bursting forth. 

I'll kill you.

"Interestiiing." Mincer strikes him airborne, kagunes violently clashing against each other. 

Sasaki defended Mutsuki's body from being harmed, not minding the spikes' tips grazing his skin. 

One of his rinkaku tails drill out from the ground and halted the other's movements. It had bought him at least 2 seconds to transfer the greenette's body to a safe corner.

But not enough time to counter the next strike. Blood bubbles out from his mouth and he looks down. The appendage had stabbed him. He felt it. Pain. Excruciating pain

"That's all you got?" He yawns, taunting him. Still not drawing the kagune away from Sasaki's stomach.

"Still alive?" Mincer twists his spiky kagune around the opening he made, tearing his insides apart. 

He muffles his own agonized screams.

IthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurtsIthurts--

* * *

 

Time froze. There was no ghoul, no investigator and no pain. Everything was just dark. 

_"Haiseee... Looks like you're in a rough patch."_ The masked entity was behind him, his centipede like kagune skittering around. _"You need--"_

"Give me your power."

He would bargain his sanity to kill him. 

_"Ehhh,"_ _He_ laughs at him in amusement. _"Aren't you being upfront of wanting me?"_

Sasaki doesn't react at all. Though it was strange that the entity wasn't forceful or violent this time around.

A long stretch of silence passes.

_"You're no fun."_

Cold hands were pressed against his eyelids. _"Night night Haise."_

* * *

 

"Oh." The ghoul notices a grin on the investigator's face, perplexed as to why he was smiling.

_He_ chops off the rinkaku with his tentacles, pulling out the remainder as if it wasn't torture to do so. _"That hurts~~"_

Mincer was impressed of how fast his body regenerated because in a matter of seconds, the huge gap on his stomach closed. He smiled back at him, cricking his neck while doing so. "You'll be worth my playtime, little investigator." He lunges at him with such speed that a human's eye cannot keep up with.

But Sasaki Haise wasn't human.

Centipede draws out his bikaku, the solidly formed kagunes blocking out his attacks. _He_ manages to swerve on each long strike the opponent made.  _"My turn.."_

_He_ cracks a finger and clashes with the male, an exchange of deadly blows either with the kagune or with his kicks. It is not long before  _he_ bites off a small part of his head. 

The ghoul tosses him across the room with his thorny kagune, in all aspects displeased with what he did. "You think you can bite me, little investigator?"

Centipede stands back up with an addition of four to his rinkaku. Ten appendages in all.   _"Hahahahahhahh... I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry. Table manners, riigght?"_

Mincer chuckles at his madness and his ukaku spreads open. "How about I return the favor?" He glances at the corner where the greenette lay.

_Mutsuki._

For a moment, Haise's thoughts overtook  _his._ Centipede smiles, provoking him  by stating to the ghoul.  _"Go on, eat him."_

_I'm begging you. Stop!_ Sasaki shouted in his mind while Centipede winces at how loud he was. This was a first. Haise was always asleep when _he_ took over.

_Shut up, you willingly let me have your body Haiiise._

_Don't let him touch Mutsuki._

_Not listening~~ Who woke you up anyway?_

"You really are fucked up." He heads towards the fallen body. A grin on his face. 

A big throb pulses in his head. Centipede hisses.

_I did._  A powerful booming voice that sounded authorative.  _Hand his body back to him. Now._

_...? You are.._ Haise had questioned the enigmatic voice.

So it was Shiro.  _He_ can feel his own consciousness weakening.

Centipede clicks his tongue in disdain, the other was stronger than him today. Kuro probably had a hand in helping too.

Three against one.

_Fine._

...

...

Before Mincer could start feasting on Mutsuki, a kagune blocks his way. The ghoul realizes that his right arm has been cut off. He gazes at the investigator who still had 8 red appendages, but no twin tails resembling a centipede's.

"Don't. Touch. Him."

Mincer laughs and the arm that had been detached slithers back to him with the use of veins, the part reattaching to his body. "A really peculiar half-ghoul, aren't you? The first time, you offered your subordinate nonchalantly and now," He reappears behind Sasaki, muttering lowly near his ear. "You want to protect him?"

Sasaki snaps away from him, tendrils poised to kill. But Mincer wasn't aiming for him. The ghoul made use of his wings airborne, crystallized shards aiming for Mutsuki. Sasaki blocks every shard to protect the greenette but his appendages were slowly being cut off with the thorny rinkaku that extended towards him. He couldn't keep up with the series of blows. If he would move away from his point, Mutsuki, who was four meters behind him, would die.

He was exhausted and his muscles were screaming. But he didn't stop maneuvering his rinkaku around. Even if it wouldn't be able to land a scratch on him. All he focused on was protecting the greenette. He had forgotten his intentions to kill.

That was his weakness.

"Your fucked up side was better." Mincer closed up on him, and he saw the color red splash around.

It was his own blood. 

Sasaki wobbled before his legs finally gave in. His head lay against the cool cement, the ghoul's shoe pressing on his cheek roughly. "That was enough fun and games but I'm starving..." He twists his sole around. "Mind helping me?" He could hear the smug satisfaction in his voice. 

In the end, he didn't know who he really was.

In the end, he couldn't protect anyone.

In the end, he can never again see the beautiful smile of the reaper.

Sasaki closes his tired eyes. Why, even now,  had he thought of him?

He knew death was inevitable for him but never had he expected for it to come so early. 

Mutsuki.

Urie.

Saiko.

Shirazu.

Everyone...

A tear slips down as he calls out the man he loved most. "Arima."

Yet, nothing came to silence him.

He was no longer stepped on. Someone was here.

A pained scream echoed through the wide area, but it hadn't come from him. It came from Mincer. Sounds of metal dealing with flesh and crackles of lightning rung against his ears. Erratic footsteps followed but there came an ominous sound of meat being sliced up. Mincer screams out again in pain. Over and over. He tries to open his eyes fully but only the bloody floor was seen by his peripherals. His lids decide against him. Relying on his ears again, silence stretched.

His consciousness was starting to fade. 

Rustles of a coat were heard and he felt himself being held against such strong and gentle arms. Sasaki instinctively leans his head against the person's warm chest. The sense of security washing over him. A familiar warmth.

With that, Sasaki forces himself to gaze at his savior. He manages to make out the details despite his blurring vision. He had spectacles, undoubtedly snowy white hair and grey eyes staring down at him.

Arima cupped his cheek and his orbs flickered with unreadable emotion. "Haise."

There was no mistaking it. He wasn't an illusion

Sasaki allowed the tears to roll down from his eyes, his heart aching for him but those thumbs kindly wiped away those salts of vulnerability.

Why was he here? How did he know where he was? So many questions raced through his fatigued mind.

His body stills, remembering a certain fragment of what the reaper said back in Hokkaido.

_"If anyone, regardless of who she or he is, would do so much as to touch a single hair on you, I would kill that person in the most painful way possible."_

What a paradox the Special Class was.

He blacks out.

* * *

"Don't let them escape!" A man from Hirako's Unit shouted. Akira's and Urie's units joined them in the chase, running after two hooded figures.

The two make a detour around the left corner, dashing even faster. They bust out from the windows situated at the corridor's end. They sigh from relief when they land safely on long lush grass. They just jumped from the 3rd floor. 

"Amon-san." Hide tugs on both of their hoods, pointing out to the woods. 

The ravenette nods and drags the half-ghoul with him in their frenzied run. Amon makes a displeased sound when he can hear several investigators running, hot on their tail. The 3rd floor didn't deter them at all in catching up. 

He narrowly misses an arrow after his head. More shots were fired. Amon commands the blonde to lay his head lower. Amon increases his pace but he could no longer see Nagachika. In a panic, he runs back, searching everywhere. The blonde had collapsed, a dagger stuck in his ankle.

Amon crouches and takes it out quickly. Hide stifles his pained groan. The ravenette then proceeds to hoist him up in a hurry so he hung in his back. Amon started to sprint again.

The blonde mutters, a bitter smile in his statement. "You should leave me. At least that increases the chances of escaping."

"Nagachika." The taller had growled, not giving up on their hopeless situation. "Your wound will heal within in a minute. By then, you can start running again."

"You know fully well that even if that's the case, we won't be able to make it. So at least, you should--"

"Don't you want to see Eyepatch?" Amon solemnly rebutted.

They were getting closer and closer yet the ravenette didn't have any intention of leaving him. A really stubborn bastard.

Hide bit his lip. "I do."

"Then run as fast as you can no matter what happens to me."

"Where are you getting at, Amon-san?"

"Just as I said," The ravenette puts him down. "You need to go. I'll buy you some time."

"But--"

"Go!" Amon roughly pushed him forward.

His brown eyes were filled with concern and hesitance but the taller male continued to shout. "Goddamnit Nagachika! Run!"

The blonde flinches but it finally does the trick. Hide finally starts to move his legs, throwing one last glance at Amon.

Amon gave a rueful smile and turned around the opposite direction.

Eyepatch was important to Nagachika. A lifelong friend; so when it came down to who was more deserving of seeing him, he knew right away which life had to be prioritized.

He prayed for luck to be at his side.

Amon stood like a forest sentinel, awaiting for the investigators to come.

"What's this, sacrificing yourself for your companion?" One of the investigators sneered at him. "Quit acting like a human." They had him surrounded.

Amon spots familiar faces and new ones. An investigator he's fought alongside with in Aogiri and a former subordinate. A blue haired girl and a delinquent looking guy together with a ravenette.

They must be the squad Eyepatch taught. Or so he heard from the rumors. Though from his information, it had mentioned a green haired male who wasn't here.

Amon glances at a certain pale blonde whose fist tensed against the Fueguchi quinque.

She's been doing well, huh.

"I  _was_ human." The ravenette drops his hood, revealing all of his features. Even his mismatched eyes.

All fell silent in shock. Most especially Hirako and Akira.

"It's been a while, Akira."

Her voice trembled in disbelief. "A-Amon Koutarou..?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little heads-up but the device that was in Arima's safe was a tracking device that would locate Haise. It's really true that he hasn't used it since three years ago when Tenri had a little hangout with Haise. (Damn protective shinigami right there) I bet I all fooled you into thinking that the shinigami would only appear after the raid but guess again *evil laughter*


	29. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long since he's allowed the raindrops to intermingle with his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter will be really lengthy xD. There's a lot of switches in povs but I seperate them through line breaks so that you won't be confused. Not much to say because I don't want to spoil much but please proceed with tissues and a warm blanket. Angst and feels will be served •w•. You might want to listen to white silence by ling tosite sigure around the middle till the end for maximum effect :^D.

"Is..." Another shaky breath. "That really you?"

"Akira," A small smile on his features. "You look like you saw a ghost." He makes a gesture to himself, the sudden movement causing the rest of the investigators to tense. "It's me."

"How..?" Akira appears incredulous, her shock causing her to utter very little. 

Not that he could blame her. It was untrue to say that he was unaffected by this encounter. In fact, he was just as surprised as she was and he had to curl his toes around nervously (he was thankful for his closed footwear) just to keep himself from fidgeting in his place. Amon wants to hold her in his arms to reassure her that he wasn't wiped off from the face of the earth. Nothing romantic, just a gesture that would comfort her. Guilt lay awake when he pictured Akira before his supposed gravestone. How would she react if he told her of Takizawa's current status?

Could he do that when he isn't human anymore?

He used to hunt ghouls, but now, he's part of the kind that should be hunted.

Just like his foster father.

Amon dismisses that unpleasant thought right away, activating his kakuhou. His kagune curls around his dominant arm.

"The situation isn't exactly prompting me to answer." He meets with her eyes, raw emotion burning through, silently telling her to get it together.

Akira can't refuse when the man she loves asks her to fulfill her job. That obligation suffocates her now. What had happened to him? Where was Takizawa? Why was he here?--All those questions can't be answered.

She holds all of her tears inside, bringing forth her strong facade. Coiling her hands around the hilt of her quinque tightly, her eyes glint in focus. "I guess so."

The only way he'd make it out alive was to surrender to CCG's confines. This...should be fine.

Forgive me Amon.

Take was able to translate the unspoken exchange of words and in support of Akira, he commanded the investigators. "Don't kill him. Subdue him with the best of your ability."

"Yes sir!" They answer in chorus.

The serious male readies himself in a forward stance, quinque poised to attack. "Amon, will you not surrender?"

A laugh. "I can't do that."

* * *

 

Clean sheets covered his body. He can feel his body press down on comfortable foam. Rhythmic beeps on his left. Small tubes connecting from his arm. Sasaki meets the unforgiving artificial rays that most likely came from an incandescent ceiling lamp. He squints to adjust his unclear sight. Sasaki tilts his head slightly, just to get a glimpse of a wall painted in beige. He registers the fact that he was in a hospital. His hearing was slightly impaired as the voices in the room were drowned out. 

"...ondition is stable. His pulse is normal, the internal wounds have managed to mend on its own..."

"--rther body examination..." He right away knew the owner of that voice.

"Not...eded. ---discharge will be to...ow"

"His...eal package."

"..o issues with that, sir."

"Leave us."

The ringing in his ears receed, all of what they said clearly heard.

"As you wish."  Shoes clacked against the floor, an accompanying creak followed after.

Right. He was almost done in by Mincer. Sasaki recalls the painful looking kagune piercing through his stomach. The thorns grazing his skin as he protected Mutsuki--

Mutsuki. 

Sasaki immediately rises, wincing from the pain. Two strong hands pin his upper half back down. This action causes him to look at the reaper in the eye. He had mixed feelings into doing so but right now, the greenette and the squad was his first priority.

"Mutsuki is alive and well." Arima replied. "The others are safe too."

Sasaki scans his face for signs that told otherwise but found none. A relieved sigh escapes from his lips.

He was okay. They were all okay.

Sasaki blinks rapidly to erase potential tears forming at the corners, truly grateful towards Arima. Yet, he can't shake off this feeling of longing for the man who was so close yet so far. 

"...Thank you." Sasaki hoarsely states.

The reaper nodded slowly, an unreadable expression on his face. He stood silently over the younger.

Silence enveloped the room after.

Sasaki was drowsy. Normal effects of the drugs they administer to patients. His body ached to rest but that wasn't an easy thing for him when anxiety popped out of the blue. Realization immediately took a toll on his fatigued form. He was waiting... for the reaper to say something again. Anything.

Say something please.

Arima parts his mouth slightly as if he wanted to speak but he stops, sealing away all his words."..."

Sasaki's anxiety doubles when he turned to slowly retreat. Why had he negatively responded to this? The man had other things to attend to; much more important ones than staying with him. That doesn't stop him from making a distressed sound, tugging his sleeve with shaky fingers. He clung tightly to his fabric. 

Arima.

Noticing this, the bespectacled man pries those hands off and faces him. Slowly, the older draws his hand out in a cautious manner. He caresses Haise's cheeks with his knuckles.

All of his tenseness vanishes at the awkward but kind gesture. Sasaki feels a heavy lump on his throat, the emotions he's kept inside for a long time starting to manifest. He can feel his vision blurring once more but he blinks those tears away rapidly, grasping the hand that cupped his cheek desperately. "Please," He croaks out. "Don't..g-go."

Albeit hesitantly, the reaper twitches up a miniscule smile. Sadly, it didn't reach to his eyes.

He looks conflicted, Sasaki thought. The younger couldn't pinpoint why.

His eyes widen as the other replies with a small okay. Arima's hand slides away from the younger's and covers his eyes. "I won't leave, Haise."

There remains an unsettled feeling in his chest with relation to the reaper's behavior. He wants to ask but he's not certain if he still has the privilege of doing so. His eyes start to droop.

Later, he decides. He would ask him regardless.

Sasaki's shuts his eyelids fully after hearing the older's soft but strong voice. 

"Sleep."

* * *

Grey eyes look over the sleeping form, watching the rise and fall of his chest. Proof of life. Arima situates himself on the chair, silently taking a book from his slacks' pocket. A compilation of short stories by Franz Kafka.  He flips to the first page. With one hand holding the book, the other gently brushes against his two toned hair.

The texture he had was always soft. He caresses his cheeks.

Even though he was still pale, his skin was slowly gaining its healthy hue.

Touching his slightly dry lips, he glances to see that it retained its fullness and there were only minimal scars left. Created by the ghoul that almost killed him.

The memory makes his blood boil and causes him to draw back his hand, coiling his fists on his lap so that angry red crescents would mark his palm.

Arima had skewered the SSS Rate into unrecognizable bits, seeing only red in that moment. Never had he lost his composure the way he did on that night. 

Since when had he been this violent? 

He needed to control himself.

Memories flash back to a young blue-haired boy, drenched in blood and standing amongst corpses. With a weapon in hand, he kept stabbing and stabbing---

The reaper closes his eyes tightly, not wanting to remember that nightmare years back. It only causes him anxiety and psychological pain. The feeling of losing someone.

Someone important to him.

Opening his lids slowly, his attention focusing back to Sasaki. He loosens his tightened fists and rests a hand on top of the younger's. He slightly curls over the opening of his hand, his pulse thrumming normally. 

Why did he have to keep reassuring himself that Haise was fine?

Arima had watched over the boy for 5 days straight. It wasn't like him to forget that there were plenty of paperwork and missions to be done but what's worse is that he doesn't mind.  _At all._

Sasaki was in great hands. The doctors were renowned in Tokyo, the facilities and services provided were excellent. He didn't need to keep visiting the male. Rather, it would be better if he hadn't shown his face. 

Yet he finds himself glued to his side, with the intent of guarding this fragile person. Or was it for guarding his own sense of security? 

The reaper doesn't know.

Arima flicks to the table of contents page, searching for a certain title. His finger pinpoints to the page number of Kafka's Crossbreed.

With that, he reads from the directed page. "I have a curious animal, half kitten, half lamb. It is a legacy from my father." Arima reads in an audible but soft voice. He was careful not to wake up the younger. "But it only developed in my time; formerly it was far more lamb than kitten."

He moves to the third paragraph. "Then the strangest questions are asked, which no human being could answer: Why there is only one such animal, why I rather than anybody else should own it, whether there was ever an animal like it before and what would happen if it died, whether it feels lonely, why it has no children, what it is called, etcetera..." Arima brushes away Sasaki's stray hair. "I never trouble to answer, but confine myself without further explanation to exhibiting my possession."

That night when he had Haise in his clutches, he contacted Akira. He had waited for her to answer. That went on for minutes. When she replied, her voice sounded strange, maybe strained. Out of concern, he asked for what had occurred. But maybe, it had been better if he hadn't.

The First Class had told him that the ghoul they subdued and secured was no other than Amon Koutarou. Arima knew him, an admirable model investigator dedicated to the CCG. He's even met him on several occassions. He went missing after encountering Eyepatch during the Anteiku Raid. Tenri had informed him of what Sasaki had been searching for. 

Besides the confimed suspicion of Aogiri using investigators as products of ghoul transfiguration, another matter was brought into light. With this, the younger could regain his memories.

And be free.

He did what he had to do and removed the tracking chip in his arm. Afterwards, help had come.

There were no chains binding Haise anymore. Arima acted cold, uncaring to recieve what he deserves. Hatred. He was entitled to that the moment he ended the boy's previous life.

So why had Haise leaned into his touch? 

Why had he pleaded for him not to go?

He didn't deserve him. Not with these hands stained with blood and sin. Naive. It was naive for him to think that there was a happy ending for both of them.

Arima skips a paragraph. "Sometimes I cannot help laughing when it sniffs around me and winds itself between my legs and simply will not be parted from me. Not content with being a lamb and a cat, it almost insists on being a dog as well. Once when, as may happen to anyone, I could see no way out of my business problems and all that they involved, and was ready to let everything go, and in this mood was lying in my rocking chair in my room, the beast on my knees, I happened to glance down and saw tears dropping from its huge whiskers. Were they mine, or were they the animal's?"

Most probably it had been his.

Existentialism was implied; the concept that existence precedes essence. Regardless of the younger's half-ghoul nature or disposable position, Arima held him preciously as an individual who wormed his way into his heart. A human being who smiled at him. A person who cried for him. Even if it would be only a while longer, he would always relish in it. That, in turn...

His existence was wanted by him.

Arima lets the book plop down the floor as he leans over the sleeping form, his hands on the crossbreed's face. He gently presses his lips against his, a chaste but firm one. If he lingered around too long, he would find himself unable to sever the bond he had with him. He wasn't one for expressing through words; actions suit him best. But, he finds himself expressing both as he murmurs to the sleeping figure, stoic mask falling apart.

"I love you."

Tomorrow, Haise would leave him.

* * *

Sasaki woke up rather pleasantly. The light that escaped through the windows' shutters were dark pink, only reaching a small portion of the dimmed room. It was dawn. His eyes dart around the bed and disappointment is what he feels the first thing in the morning. 

Arima wasn't there. 

Sasaki shakes his head. Visiting hours couldn't stretch up until midnight and given the older's status, he had work to do. He shouldn't be depressed.

Rather, he should be happy.

The older didn't ignore him. Arima had watched over him. He kindly touched his face. He gently ushered him to sleep.

More importantly, he didn't leave.

Maybe, he should stop trying to run to his own death. That didn't mean that he'd quit searching for his memories as Eyepatch but at least, he should survive for his squad's sake. Akira and Tenri's too. The :re people and the rest...He buries himself in his hands, feeling so stupid. While he was burying himself in self-destruction, he caused most of them to be concerned or hurt. He needed to apologize. 

Hopefully, he can patch things up with the reaper too. Perhaps there was a reason behind his cold treatment.

Sasaki pulls the covers back, once again lulled to sleep.

He's determined to set things right.

* * *

"How are you faring, Haise? We can extend your stay if you still feel unwell." 

"No." Sasaki flexes his hands, smiling in reply. "I feel great Akira-san."

"I see." The beautiful woman doesn't twitch up the corners of her lips. "The mission was a success, I'm proud of you. Almost all investigators participating will go up a rank. Promotion's next month."

This doesn't escape his eyes. "What's wrong?"

Akira crosses her arms. "Nothing you should be worried about." Her face told otherwise.

Sasaki lowers his voice where it can be comparable to a growl. "Don't lie to me."

She was taken aback by the sudden shift in behavior. His squad wasn't wrong when they told her he was Mr. Moodswings now. However, she knew that he was simply worried. So, she smirks at him, eyebrow raised. "You have the nerve to talk to your mother like that?"

He flushes slightly in response, realizing the shame. "Gomen."

Akira chuckles, temporarily forgetting the problem she stressed about. 

"It's just," The younger continues. "I don't want anyone to be hurt because of me."

He receives a painful forehead flick. "Ow."

"Stop being so heroic, that disgusts me." She deadpans. "It isn't your fault; we just stay because we care."

Sasaki's eyes widen.

As if on cue, the door opened fully to reveal his squad. Mutsuki was the only one in crutches. They healed almost completely, judging by the very light pink blotches of their skin. Shirazu was the first to speak up, grinning. "She's right Sassan, we're here for you."

They walk towards him, his body, crushed into a group hug seconds later. Even Urie, though begrudgingly, initiated an embrace.

Mutsuki adds, "Tenri-san wanted to come but he's busy."

"I know." An earnest smile.

Akira watches over them, smiling at their show of affection. Her smile dissipates when she's reminded of Amon. Rather, who'd be interrogating him. 

**_Flashback:_ **

_"Akira." Special Class Arima walked along with her on the corridors of the hospital, fresh from visiting Sasaki. "Your brief report on the ghoul."_

_"It's confirmed." She kept her voice as light and blunt as possible. "He's First Class Amon Koutarou. The higher-ups are confining him in the CCG Labs so as to find an alternative to his current nature" She highly doubted it was for that purpose only. "He won't be jailed in Cochlea."_

_"The information handler."_

_"First Class Take and I will---"_

_"Let Rank 1 Sasaki do the interrogation instead."_

_Dread filled her stomach. She knew the history between the two back when Haise carried a different name. Akira foreshadowed that this wouldn't end well. The reaper knew this too. What was his intent?_

_"This may trigger--"_

_"Do as you're told, Akira. Haise was in charge of the mission but as his owner, I oversee the results and details of what follows." He cut in sharply; an icy tone._

Akira grits her teeth at the memory. Her intuition was never wrong. Arima was planning to let him loose. Of course, she could report this and immediately take action but she doesn't want to do that. It would be equivalent to betraying a child. Her child. Arima probably knew this and trusted her with that.

"Haise." She felt heavy.

"Yes?" He was freed from their embrace.

"We captured a one-eyed ghoul." Akira doesn't wait for a reply knowing that by now, Sasaki was speechless. "I've been told to assign you as the interrogator."

Why did it have to be him?

She prayed that she wouldn't lose him, like a certain brunette and ravenette. Never had she intended to start caring for a ghoul.

* * *

**CCG Laboratory, 10:20 AM**

The younger investigator treaded through the halls with Akira being situated at his left. Sasaki side glances at her with mild curiousity. Akira hadn't went into the details yet. She tucked the envelope safely between her arm and side. It makes him wonder if the case was that special or it could be that Akira felt reluctant about what he was tasked with.  

"Akira-san, we're close to our destination now." He presses on the topic. "Tell me who I'm dealing with."

"...You'll know soon enough." She presses her lips into a tight line. 

"What do you mean..?" Confused and slightly irritated, he furrows his eyebrows. 

"Exactly as I said."

"Tell. Me." He was losing his patience.

"I can't do that." Akira scrunches up her face, her voice strained. "Just... Just try to understand."

Sasaki, concerned at this, touches her shoulder as a form of solace and apology. "Okay."

The woman doesn't want to cry pathetically in front of her subordinate. Not now, not like this. She had to bear with it. Akira straightens her back and opens the door to a room with quinque domes. "You have 30 minutes. His room's just across Arata's."

Sasaki double checks his Rolex and nods. With a hand on his arm, she squeezes it lightly before handing over the file. "I'll be going ahead."

"But--"

"I'll call a cab." She swiftly turns on her heels but pauses before the door. "Be safe. Don't make your kids wait."

He smiles, "Of course."

But Akira knew. 

Sasaki wouldn't be able to return to the Chateau.

* * *

First Arima, now it was Akira. Why were they acting so oddly? Sasaki allows his belongings to be thoroughly inspected. The guard gives him a pass and he entered inside the dome. A step in and he suddenly feels uneasy. Reminded of the unopened file, he walks towards his seat whilst extracting the contents. If he had seen the figure beyond the glass divider, he would've noticed how the other stiffened in shock. 

He reacts with a shaky hand, close to crumpling the profile sheet. There, it had read **Amon Koutarou.**

Silver pupils trembled under his lashes, becoming fully blown when he met teal ones. 

"Eyepatch."

* * *

 

**Chateau, 6:06 PM**

"--will be a rain storm enshrouding Tokyo's whole vicinity. Take note that the temperature will be extremely low. Prolonged exposure in the evening may cause mild hypothermia. Remaining outside for more than four hours will cause moderate hypothermia. Beyond that would be life threatening. It is advised you stay indoors, warm yourselves up and listen for further reports--"

The television screen turns pitch black at the sound of a click. Shirazu sets the remote aside, rubbing the back of his head. "Sassan's taking long."

"Akira emailed me that he's still in the CCG Laboratory," Urie pushes himself forward, a small distance away from the pillar he leaned into. "But I highly doubt it would take him that long."

"Maybe he has other things to do." The greenette pipes in, trying to be optimistic.

In a weather like this, that would be unlikely.

Something was amiss.

Big, dolly blue eyes looked past the window pane, reflecting the gloomy skies. "Maman.."

Removing his headphones, he presses on his list of contacts. The cellphone is held up against his ear. Urie clicks his tongue when the receiving line was dead. 

"Who are you calling?" Mutsuki asks.

"Special Class Arima. (That asshole.)"

Shirazu jumps from his position but before he could say anything, he's silenced by Urie's words.

"I know. It may seem unlikely, considering the relationship between him and Sasaki as of now; but, our choices are limited. Akira most likely doesn't know. He's our only lead." He presses on the caller ID once more, and the line was yet again dead.  "Tch."

"We should find Papan first." The bluenette finally speaks up, taking the initiative to grab her overcoat and near the doorway, had slipped her socked feet back into her shoes. She wanted to believe that he'd keep his promise. Of him always protecting Maman.

Saiko wasn't stupid, she saw the signs. That a day like this would come. She saw how her Maman was acting, did her own fair share of investigating his bedroom and the files he hid in there. And now that he was in charge of interrogating a half-ghoul...

She had a bad feeling.

The three exchange glances in agreement, following her suit.

They didn't want to lose him.

* * *

 

The ghoul investigator stared up at the grey canvas, the cumulonimbus clouds ready to pour rain on Tokyo's whole area. He was on some empty road. No one in his right mind should be walking without a set destination. He left his car somewhere along the way. He doesn't mind. He doesn't care. Simply, he wanted to walk.

His squad, the people back at :re...

Right, he shouldn't make them wait.

A small droplet hits the ground. And then another. The rain starts to pour heavily, soaking his clothes in the process.

His feet are unable to turn around. 

Maybe he did have a place in mind. A place where there wouldn't be salty tears, the suffocating pain and the bitter rain. 

Kaneki hugs his sides, shaking.

Laughter.

Hysterical laughter.

There was no such place here on the birdcage known as Earth.

What came after the long series of laughs was the unforgiving onslaught of tears. He didn't go on a psychotic rampage. He accepted it. With the reminder of his life as Sasaki, he was unable to go insane. He remembered chunks of his memories with each succeeding step he made after interrogating Amon. 

And now, he remembered  _everything._

His lonely childhood, his mother passing away due to overwork. Hide, his sunshine, always there for him--- Rize, planning to eat him. Him going by the name Eyepatch. The Anteiku people taking him in. Being a brother to Hinami. Dealing with Tsukiyama and Banjou's crew. Aogiri. Yamori's torture. Becoming a kakuja. Fighting Amon.

V14. CCG's reaper murdering Koma and Irimi.. Finding him strangely beautiful. Seeing beauty rather in death than life. Arima defeating him. The pain of his eyes being gouged out. The frustration of not being able to bring out hatred. Only being able to despair.

Beingunabletoprotectunabletoprotectunabletoprotectunabletoprotectunabletoprotect--

Kaneki continues to sob uncontrollably. He cried out. "Hi-hide, Hide..." He had blacked out at that time as Centipede. "I'-I'm sorry..." 

Did he devour his own best friend? 

MotherI'msofuckedupsofuckedupsofuckedup--

His heart constricted painfully; he tightened his hand on his chest. Even now, he finds himself seeking the warm hand---no he shouldn't. It felt so wrong. To yearn for him now.

Arima.

Kaneki unclasps his Rolex, the memento from him. He curls his hand around it and tosses it.

He couldn't bring himself to hate Arima.

He walks away from the fallen object.

But he can't love him.

Was he a hypocrite to his own words for suddenly running back to retrieve the watch?

Sasaki couldn't let it go. 

He kneels to pick it up, hugging it close.

What name should he go by? Sasaki or Kaneki? Or maybe, neither. 

Ah, he wants some hamburgers now.

Hang out with his bestfriend--

Have the perfect bookstore date.

His thoughts were so disoriented. He can feel the numb sensation on his toes and finger tips, but he continues. Kaneki trudges through the road, weakly, his legs sway around. He doesn't know for what purpose that he's resuming. 

For what purpose was his life?

Did it have meaning?

No, it didn't. 

* * *

**Road to Hinohara, 11:03 PM**

"Granny," The taxi driver says. "Shouldn't you head home earlier than at this time? It's bad for your health, you know."

Suiren giggles a little, shrugging her shoulders. "I'll have you know that I have a strong immune system even at this age."

He shakes his head amusedly. "What were you doing there at the city?"

"Buying some cookbooks." She raises her paper bag’s contents.

"You can buy those things at your area."

"No, the quality of those books in Hinohara are---" Her voice dies down when she looks past the car window.

"Granny?"

"Please drive back a little." The elder requests.

"O-okay." He complies with it.

Suiren unbuckles her seat belt and goes out of the car. She walks towards a still body at the side of the road.

"It's dangerous--" The driver gasps. "Is he dead...?"

She boldly checks his pulse, flipping him over slowly. "He's alive but barely. His pulse is weak." Suiren beckons the taxi driver to come closer. "Help me carry him." 

"You don't even know him! He could be a ghoul--"

"Even so, he still needs help." She presses on seriously, clearly compassionate. "It's either you leave me here and I'll carry him myself or you decide to be human and follow your conscience."

He sighs, resigning to her. He lifts the body carefully, an arm at the stranger's side to support him. "To a hospital?"

"No, the journey towards the nearest hospital will take long. To my house."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually searched up the time it takes from tokyo to hinohara xD. Around 10-11 hours by foot actually and an hour by car. Kaneki was around two-thirds there by the time he fell unconscious. I don't own Kafka's Crossbreed. I'm really sorry for updating only now but hopefully I made it up to you guys with this lengthy chapter *sobs*. How're you guys feeling now? Still alive?


	30. Fool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No matter the sin, I'll carry the burden for you." - EGOIST (Lyrics of All Alone with You)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM REALLY SORRY! I've been hoarded with all academics and extracurriculars and it's sad to say I'm going to be busy again in November but luckily it's semestral break for me so after this update, I can follow up another chapter or more in this week's span. I present to you the longest chapter I've had. Ever.

Alcohol had never been an option he'd turn to. Wine was fine but the idea of tequila and beer repulsed him; whiskey would be worse. His high tolerance he rarely utilized would be envied by many; control wasn't the issue. After drinking on some occasions, emptiness would clutch at his beating organ and force him to say things that he's bottled up inside for a long long time. Alcohol brings about emotions. Usually, people experience euphoria on the first stage of being drunk-- that was not true to the strongest investigator. Beverages like those easily crumble the illusion that he was strong, unfeeling when he was nothing more than a miserable and vulnerable man.

Arima wanted to smile sardonically at this. His two feet brought him to a quiet bar and by a miracle, he was drinking.

Given the gravity of the situation, he's unsure if he should call it a miracle.

"You should stop drinking." Fura's hand reached for the glass on the mahogany table. 

Arima firmly places his hold on the middle part, subtly warning him. "I'm fine, Taishi." He suppressed a hiccup, the sound dying down on his throat. 

His friend's eyes narrowed in disapproval and concern, clearly befuddled by his strange behavior. He admits that it's an undeniable fact when his features were on the borderline of tired, happy (at least trying to be), and ultimately pained.

"What glass does this make?"

"..." Arima eyed the liquid, taking another swig of his drink after. He didn't mind the stinging sensation on his throat; at least it would divert him from the constricting feeling on his chest momentarily. If this was the pain people felt, he'd selfishly want out. It was burdensome, heavy and destructive. The weight of love, turning every person in its path into fools.

Fura takes a hold of his upper arm. "Arima, just stop--"

His icy grey eyes glinted in hostility, Fura flinched but only for a moment. He loosens his hold, stationing his hand on the counter. "Sasaki--"

"He left, didn't he? His squad is looking for him so why won't you?"

A loud thud on the table was made by his glass.

Yikes, his friend thought. Fura presses on anyway.

"I think he would forgive you."

His shirt was crumpled by the other's fist. " _Don't talk as if you know the circumstances._ " Arima raised his voice, but not to the point where it would be considered shouting although it was obvious that he was angry. 

"Maybe I don't entirely know his circumstances but I know yours, Arima." Fura put a hand over that fist, the situation 15 years ago eerily similar except that they switched places. "Lantern-- no, Minami, you tried to protect her. Even if she was a ghoul. You treated her coldly and brushed her off because it was possible that she would involve herself and you as an investigator would have to eliminate her. And you ended up having to do just that."

Arima remained silent.

"She killed Ryo but I couldn't hate her because we weren't entirely faultless. We were full of flaws but that was okay. As long as we have people we love, I'm willing to use my hands that have woven mistakes to protect."

Fura looks over his shoulder, seeing familiar faces coming in their direction.

The former loosened his fists, but his hands were still on his collar.

"What I'm saying is," An exasperated sigh. "Stop with the dramatic shit and beat that emotional crap away from your system." Fura backed away from his grip.

Before Arima could even register what that meant, a heavy blow was dealt on his cheek.

"Or if you can't," Fura had a shit-eating grin on his face. "We'll do it for you."

* * *

"Mom, don't leave me... I'--I'll be all alone..." The small boy cries out, before the coffin that was surrounded with flowers. Lilies. It suited her so well.

She was so kind, gentle, and...

The entire scenery changes, the field of spider lilies covering his peripheral vision.

"Foolish." Rize drawled out, her fingers nimbly making its way from his chest to neck. Her breath ghosted over his ear. "Your mother was so weak, afraid of being left behind. "

"I know." Kaneki simply answers. "But seeing her efforts, even the unnecessary ones, made her so beautiful."

"And you?"

"I'm just an ugly monster." He laughs bitterly. "That's all I am now."

Rize hums in contemplation before pushing him down. "Hey, Ka-ne-ki-san," She smiles wickedly, flashing her kakugan. "May I eat you?"

He closed his eyes surrenderingly, arms limp at his sides. "Go ahead, there's nothing left for me in this life."

"That's no fun." She replied unexpectedly, standing up and backing away. "I don't like overly submissive prey." The purple haired woman twirls herself around. She situates her hands behind her back, both linked to each other. 

"Rize..?" Kaneki was perplexed, the binge eater had no intention of harming him.

"I'm just a figment of your imagination, Kaneki-san. Never was I the 'Rize' who attempted to eat you. Aren't you aware of that? You manipulate me to be the monster." She continues. "You do it to yourself. The suffering, the anxiety, the nightmares; all of it."

"That's impossible." He shook his head, propping his arms for support. "Why would I do such a thing to myself?"

"To remind yourself. That you are no longer human. You punish yourself too much--" Slowly, pieces of her fade with the winds. "A real piece of masochistic work aren't you? Protect yourself first before trying to protect others next time, Kaneki-san. You are loved by many but you're too consumed in your own self-pity." _  
_

"Rize--"

Kaneki reaches out towards her fading figure, seeking for more answers.

He was unable to.

* * *

 

The male wakes up in a bolt, panting heavily. He stares at his hands, and then to his surroundings. His clothes were replaced with crisp and clean ones. His belongings were folded neatly in a table with his watch on top.

Alive and great.

That's a lie; the latter was untrue.

He may be alive but not great at all.

**"You're too consumed in your own self-pity."**

That was the first time in years that Rize appeared. No that wasn't Rize, he thought. Just a figment of his own imagination telling him to live. Could it mean that a part of him still wanted to continue living? Again, he was a hypocrite because he strangely felt relief that that was the case. But... wouldn't he attain greater relief for when he'd be dead? That was his dilemma. His Scylla and Charybdis situation. Wait---

Wasn't he certain of wanting to be dead?

**"You are loved by many."**

That statement caused many sad and warm memories to fuzz in his brain: Hide who accepted him, the warm welcome of Anteiku, the comfort of being with Tsukiyama, Hinami, Banjou and his crew. Akira and Tenri who tended to him. Ice skating happily with his squad and spending time with Arima.

He still remembers how those slightly calloused hands would thread through his hair and the way those grey eyes in adoration would stare. How often he'd be protected by those strong arms. How his gentle voice would remind him that he was out of harm's way.

Kaneki is suddenly struck by fear; fear of dying and leaving all those people behind. Even if he may not be able to return to those times, it would be simply a selfish act for him to end his own life, not honoring or carrying all that has been passed to him. Unconveyed and conveyed emotions alike. Hide, Touka and everyone else was trying to get it through his thick skull that he had to live and by that meaning he should stop acting as a pathetic hero of a tragedy.

Yes, he would try but if the people at the CCG would face him, particularly the Quinckes and Arima, he was certain that he'd give his life away so willingly because truly, he had loved him and them.

Kaneki exhales a breath, hopefully when that time comes, he doesn't want to see hatred or anger from any of those eyes---

A creak of the door brings him out of his reverie. As a result, he activates his kagune. The tendrils pointed towards the source of sound but he didn't expect an elderly woman. Nor did he expect the said woman to simply smile and stand her ground.

"I see you're awake." Her kind, raspy voice almost caused him to lower his guard. Almost. 

Kaneki knew by experience that looks can't be judged on. He's went through enough to know that. His memories of encountering certain purple haired people served up a lesson. Although, he appreciated the development of the gourmet's morals. And truly, he knew how much the man cared when he begged for him not to go. That was, 3 years ago to be exact. Pushing the guilt aside, he focuses on the matter at hand.

Kaneki pops a knuckle. "Where am I?" It wasn't really a kind way of asking but being harsh did a better job in getting answers.

"In a residence of Hinohara, young boy." 

"I am not a young boy."

"Young man then." She sets the tray of coffee and water on the floor gently with ease that shouldn't be possible at her age and places her hands on her hips. "Rest assured, I didn't inform anyone, not even the CCG."

"What's your intention?"

"I simply wanted to save someone who was dying on the side of the road. There's nothing wrong with that." Her answer was frighteningly blunt but sincere. She didn't bat an eyelash even as the pointy tips of his kagune inched closer. "It's up to you whether or not to believe me young man."

Somehow, the way she spoke reminded him of someone familiar but couldn't wrap his finger around it. At least now, he was able to trust her words. She really wasn't lying.

So, albeit slowly, he carefully retracts his kagune, stricken with guilt and shame with his own hostility. Kaneki mumbled out an apology. It was a plain fact that she had saved him and yet, he didn't offer a good greeting.

The elder chuckles as she lifts the tray back up, walking in moderate steps towards him. "It's fine." She pokes his chest which elicited a flinch. "Go back to lying down. You may be half a ghoul but that doesn't mean that rest isn't needed."

Kaneki settles on resting his back on the headboard instead. She sighs in a resigned manner. He fiddles with his thumbs nervously.

"Okay, but make sure to fully lie down later." She smiled. "The blood will circulate better that way."

He softly said yes in response.

Now another thing surprised him. She was so accepting as if it was normal to tend to a dangerous half-ghoul. 

"Young man, mind telling me your name?" She poured coffee in two cups. "Suiren's my first name."

Kaneki doesn't know how to respond. His current identity was divided by two names. Sasaki Haise and Kaneki Ken. A human, ghoul-investigator and ghoul. He can't let go of the name he and Arima decided on just like that but it didn't feel right to forget the name he's carried for 20 years either.

Who was he, really?

"If you don't want to tell me, that's okay." Suiren put a hand over his minutely trembling one. Kaneki didn't even know that he was trembling. "You've been through a lot, I can tell."

"Mhm." A stranger gave him so much comfort and security that it made his chest feel warm. She reminded him so much of his mother. With that, he decided to use his first given name. Haise would be a name that would be too painful to handle at this moment. "You can call me Ken, obaa-chan."

"How does Ken-chan sound?"

Kaneki smiled. The first carefree smile he ever wore since he regained his memories. "Whatever suits you." He accepted the cup of coffee offered to him.

Suiren also takes her cup, blowing before sipping gently. "Mind tasting it Ken-chan? I need to know if my brewing skills are good."

He complies, and his eyes partly widen. The flavor was rich and had a creamy sort of texture. The temperature was perfect for drinking instantly.

"Does it taste bad?"

"No," Kaneki turns to her. "It's delicious. How long have you been practicing?" He drinks some more.

"For 2 months straight. I've been wanting to impress the lover of my grandson with this. However," Suiren rubs her temples as she sits on the side of the bed. "I hear that circumstances are breaking them apart. I might never see this wonderful person with him."

Unknown to Sasaki, Suiren was Arima's grandmother.

"Oh." Kaneki places his cup by the counter, not knowing what else to do or say.

"The clothes you're wearing belongs to him." She easily enters to another topic. "Minus the tie, that's the uniform he wore. He went to highschool for a while."

"He didn't finish education?"

"No, he did but a different type of education." Suiren lowered her voice. "He was in the CCG Academy but then.."

"What happened...then?" Kaneki hesitantly asks.

"He..."

The suspense was killing his composure.

Suiren giggles. "He's alive with one of the highest ranks in CCG at present."

Kaneki frowned slightly. "Obaa-chan, don't scare me like that. I thought something bad happened to him."

"Concerned?"

He flexes his wrist, the numbness almost gone. "If he's related to you, he couldn't be a terrible investigator."

"I don't think it's that simple. He's... killed many ghouls." Suiren smiled sadly. "I wonder why ghouls and humans always fight. I wish there would be some way for both sides to stop taking from one another."

"If there were more people like you," The half-ghoul lowers his gaze to his lap. "The world would've been able to solve its wrongdoings by now."

Suiren messes up his hair. "No need to sweat over things beyond your control Ken-chan. You're going to have your hair grow white like _Ki-chan_."

Kaneki suppresses the memory of his torture inside. "Marie Antoinette syndrome, he went through that?"  The feeling of dread had his stomach up in knots. He could count by his fingers the people in CCG who had white hair so of course,  _he_ was also part of it. It couldn't be...

She nodded. "His hair was dark blue in color before but gradually, it started to turn white. The pressure on him by the CCG must've been too heavy but he bore with it. So was the title of being the God of Death."

Shinigami. 

Only one person in the CCG went by that title.

"Arima Kishou is," Kaneki clears the lump on your throat. "Your grandson." 

"That's right. You must know his title very well." Suiren had a ghost of a frown on her lips. Her grandson was a killer. That was undeniable.

Kaneki buried his head in his hands, lost once more. Coincidences flooded too easily in his life. They were like strings he couldn't untangle. "I can't be here-- I shouldn't be here." He attempted to get out of bed but Suiren lightly placed her hands on his shoulders.

"Ken-chan, I'm not going to stop you from leaving but rest just a little more. Going in that condition won't do you any good."

Kaneki breathed sharply. She was right. But if he stayed, maybe... maybe the reaper would come. He wasn't prepared yet to look at those rejecting eyes for when he wasn't just Sasaki Haise anymore. That's why he must---

A statement from the elder leads him out of his troubling thoughts.

"Would you care to hear a story?" Suiren takes back her hand and places it on her lap. "You may go after."

"About him?" It picqued his sick curiosity. That made him uneasy. "What are you going to gain, telling this to someone as dangerous as me?"

”Even if it's only one person besides me, I want someone to understand my grandson so that by a slim chance, it can cause a significant change on how we look at one another."

Kaneki was grateful that she had simply looked at him as a person. Not a ghoul. Not a monster. Just someone she could converse with. The trust she instilled for him was frighteningly great and he wouldn't have it any other way than to trust her in turn. And, she was going to talk about Arima. This was an opportunity given to see the reaper in his true state and what went on in his mind. So, he shouldn't be terrified, right?

Kaneki felt the tremors on his body, warning bells telling him that this was one of those things better left unsaid, untold. But. He would be a coward to walk away from the truth that dangled in front of him. It felt strange that he suddently became calm, dangerously cautious with the information to be given.

If this was the last thing he could do to help Kishou who's done so much for him as Haise in some way, he'd do it.

...

She gave him a pitying glance before holding his hand again. "It's okay if you don't want to..."

"No," He curled up his hand against hers with the right squeeze. "Please tell me."

Submerging in untouched waters must be done carefully.

* * *

Arima had fallen from his stool, a result from the impact. This somehow sobered his brain up and made him realize two things. First, Taishi wasn't the one who punched him. Second, he didn't need to look above to know who it was. This was expected since he neglected his phone all throughout save for the time he called for Taishi. The Quinckes Squad was here. He wiped the blood off with his upper arm before he stood up calmly. It didn't hurt. Or at least, he didn't process the pain properly. Urie grabbed his shirt, glaring at him directly. Arima returned his action with an apathetic stare.

"Where's Sasaki?" Urie growled, tightening his grip. 

He didn't speak, only the stretch of silence did so.

"We spent hours, days, weeks, worrying for him and did everything we could to make him happy. _You,_ you weren't there for him so you have no fucking right to ruin anything more." His voice broke its restraints and he shouted with anger and desperation. **"Tell us where he is!"**

"Urie..." Mutsuki was about to restrain him. Even if he himself was frustrated, it didn't feel right. Yet. Shirazu placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking his head that translated to let him be. Saiko was silent.

"I don't know." His eyes were dead and his voice flat.

Urie shook his fists. "What does that even mean..?" His voice suddenly small.

"He's regained his memories." Fura answered in his stead.

"So Maman won't come back anymore..?" Yonebayashi asked. Her bangs covered her expression at the moment. "You won't even try to get him back?"

Arima gazed at her with a face of unsaid desolation. He couldn't find the words to say nor the actions to do. At the moment, he was empty. A vessel who died from inside.

And maybe he did.

A string had snapped inside her.

 "Uriko, move aside." Strength made way in her once weak vocal chords.

"Yonebayashi..." Urie loosened his hold on the older and stepped out for her. He watched as the female made her way towards Arima and slapped his face.

Fura has never been thankful that the only occupants in the bar were them and the bartender. The poor worker looked close to shitting his pants with the scene they were making. 

"I hate you." Finally looking up, she glared at him with teary eyes. "I said that Maman needed you by his side. You promised me that you would never hurt him. I believed in you." 

"..." Something flickered in his eyes but he remained as he was.

"Why didn't you stay by his side?!" She pushed and pulled his torso back and forth with her small hands clutching to him. "You're such an idiot! Maman always loved you and cried at night because of you. I always waited for you to keep your word and you never did when he needed you the most."

He's afflicted by the knife of regret when he imagines the crossbreed crying and alone. Countless of times, he's wished to embrace him again in form of apology and in selfish desire. To be with him but he must not seek it.

He wouldn't be able to obtain it anymore anyway.

So why did Yonebayashi's words spark the impulse to rebel against his own thoughts?

"You're mistaken if you thought that by staying away, Maman wouldn't be hurt. And maybe being together would hurt but not as much as being alone. I don't really understand but you're afraid aren't you?"

Fear. An unpleasant emotion from being afraid.

Arima knew fear. He could sense it for when he sends ghouls to their unfortunate demise. He could derive that the respect of others stemmed from it. He could smell it on the rest of his comrades that watched on as he would do what he knows best.

It was strange to think that perhaps the God of Death's been harboring fear all along. 

To put it in simpler words, he was afraid of seeing Haise hating him.

How funny for him to be scared of someone hating him.

But this was Haise, not just someone. The crossbreed who meant so much to him.

Yonebayashi continued on. "He could be different with memories but I know for certain that he will still love you. If I'm dead wrong, isn't it your job to make him love you again?"

At that moment, all of the loathing thoughts eating away at him disperse.

When he met Kaneki Ken, Arima thought to himself that the ghoul was such a beautiful creature. His stance and eyes had an untold strength indicating that he's been out there in the vast field of cruelty and blood. There was also an untold despair hanging in his expression telling him that Death was right in front of him.

And he was.

Arima didn't hesitate in putting him down. He didn't mean to pull him in such excruciating pain but the ghoul's regeneration was fast, leaving him to deal with the most delicate part of the body, the eyes.

When he's given another chance as Sasaki, Arima still thought he was beautiful. With innocent eyes that would be full of curiosity and naivety he didn't want to taint, Haise made him rediscover emotions, feelings that he thought that died along with his family. Maybe it made him weak, and made him human. He was supposed to be the God of Death but he fell in love with his purity, the beauty of him inside and out and that powerful strength that surged for when he wanted to protect.

Just like when he was Kaneki Ken.

Arima was willing to step down from the realm of gods for him.

Yonebayashi made him realize another thing at present.

That he was willing to step up from hell for him too.

All just to obtain his love.

"Saiko," Arima finally spoke and put a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you."

The small girl looked up and cried in relief when his eyes were no longer dead, a strong glint to his once cloudy grey pupils.

Mutsuki bowed in his direction. "Please find him Arima-san."

Shirazu also does the same thing. "Even if it's just one last time, we want to tackle Sassan into a hug."

Urie glared at him and then scoffed. "(You're full of shit.) Don't dare to hurt Sasaki again once you find him."

He has a wonderful team.

Arima nodded and took his coat off from where it hung in the stool. He gave one last glance at them before walking off. When his presence was gone from their vicinity, the greenette started to sweat after realizing a tiny problem--scratch that, a really big problem.

"How is he going to find Sasaki-san?"

He was right, they didn't even know where he is. How much more for Arima?

They all looked at one another. Urie responded with a tch and Shirazu noticed an even bigger problem.

"Uh, Fura-san.." 

"What?"

"Wasn't Arima-san drinking? How many glasses did he have?"

"Yeah." Fura blinked at him. "Honestly, I don't know what round he stopped at."

The squad members, including Urie made a small groan and a face palm.

Forget about even knowing Sasaki's location, he wasn't even going to reach the road.

The oldest only laughed after understanding what they worried about. "Don't bother worrying, Arima's better at driving after drinking you know. Must be his damn genetics or something..."

So there were people like that?

"As for finding Sasaki, he'll figure it out somehow." He sheepishly scratches his head.

 

* * *

  **12:49 am**

Arima went inside his car and started the engine. With his hands on the steering wheel, his mind thinks up of the places Haise could go to. The 20th ward? The terrarium they visited in December? The :re cafe?

He pulled out his smart phone and turned it on. Akira was the last person with him. Asking her may give him a clue. 

His eyes read the obvious notification glaring in the bright screen.

1 unread message & 8 missed calls from his grandmother. Surprise takes in and concern as well.

Did something happen to her?

He pressed the read button.

_From: Obaa-san_

_A man is unconscious from severe hypothermia_

_a_ _nd I'm tending to him right now. His_

_wallet has an identification card and his_

_name's Sasaki Haise._

_Ki-chan, Kaneki Ken is here._

_11:34 pm_

* * *

 

"This was him before." Suiren handed him over a portrait to which he held and stared at for a whole minute.

In the picture, there was a family of four in front of Tokyo Disneyland. The beautiful mother had straight, indigo hair and a pale complexion. Her eyes strikingly resembled Arima's, except that it wasn't as sharp as his. The father, with jet black hair and piercing blue eyes, was a handsome man he estimated to be in his late 20s. Then there was a chubby, doe eyed boy, smiling although the father ruffled his blue hair. He carried a toddler in his arms. They _looked_ so happy but Sasaki knew that it was clearly implied that his family was long gone.

The thought wrenches his heart. 

"This was taken two years before the incident happened." Her voice was unsteady, a pained expression. Kaneki was curious but he knew that doing this would prove to be too much to the kind elder.

So, he furrowed his brows, smiled at her as if he shared the pain, and held her hand. "Obaa-chan, you don't have to continue any further--"

"No, I need to have this out of my system." She slightly coiled her available hand as if she'd gain strength from it. "I've been keeping this inside for too long and this will wear me out more than it already has. I have to be happy for the sake of my grandson."

"Obaa-chan..." She was strong. Stronger than him in a way. 

Suiren took a deep breath and continued. "This will come as a surprise for you but Setsu-- his mother, was an Associate Special Class."

His mother, an investigator? 

"I was shocked that she'd even think of applying for the CCG for work." She cleared her throat. "Then Setsu explained to me that it was what she wanted; she was a righteous woman who wanted to change how humans and ghouls perceived one another. I did my best to understand because Setsu lost a good friend after being ratted out as a ghoul."

Her voice quaked. "She could coax an SS-Rated Ghoul to surrender because of her perseverance, she was strong and if _it_  hadn't happened, she would've reached her goal of changing the treatment of both sides when she'd be Special Class. That didn't happen because of the ward she lived in was overtaken by ghouls. On Thanksgiving Day, a group of ghouls had infiltrated their home in the 24th ward."

"The 24th..?" Shock lay in his undertones. He's never heard of anything about the 24th except being nothing more than a ghoul cesspool. 

"Yes, that ward. The whole family was held captive in _their_ base for weeks. They were trying to wring out every important detail on the CCG from her. In whatever method they could do. Ki-chan told me solemnly." She closed her pained eyes, covering it after with her palms. "All I could do was pray. They, the CCG had all the surroundings of the 24th in lock down while the rest within would only succumb to suffering and ruin as the ghouls took over. I wasn't able to sleep at all. I couldn't eat or function properly knowing that my daughter and her family was out there."

The half-ghoul bit his trembling lip, coiled his shaking fists and made sure not to let the salt escape his eyes. From the first paragraph she narrated alone, the frustration and grief hit him like never before. Guilt as well. He never asked how the reaper's childhood was like. Nor how his family was.

"A month and a half after the fall of the 24th, I received a call. CCG had picked Ki-chan from outside the barrier of the ward. They couldn't believe it. The moment I saw Ki-chan, I squeezed him into a hug and cried. I cried in grief that my daughter, my son-in-law and granddaughter were gone. I cried in pain for my grandson who had unshed tears and in joy that he was alive. So even if their deaths hit me hard, Ki-chan was there." She refused his arms that were outstretched towards her and denied his embrace with a sad smile. "For nights that followed, I tried my best to comfort him when he was wracked with nightmares but in the morning he would stare blankly at the door as if waiting for them to come back. When I tried to ask him what happened in the 24th ward, he wouldn't speak. It was too painful for him. He would sometimes try to reassure me with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. I knew he had unspoken tears, especially when we offered our condolences to graves that didn't even have anything inside." Suiren wiped away her tears with a handkerchief, her voice going hoarse.

Kaneki pictured his younger self waiting for his mother to come home from work. Always waiting probably like Arima did. Except for the fact that he waited on even when they were gone. When his... mother died, there was a body at least. For his case, there was nothing; no remains at all. His face twisted in emotional pain and distress. He wished he could've been there for him when he felt so lost and wrap his arms around him. If he'd be in Arima's place instead, the loss of the family would drive him in despair and insanity. Kishou was mentally stronger than him but he doubted that it didn't come with a side effect.

"My finances ran dry after a year. I decided to apply for some jobs because I knew the amount of bank savings his parents left behind wasn't enough to care for Ki-chan's needs and education. But no one accepted me. I was an old lady; it was expected yet I never stopped trying. Ki-chan saw the situation and he took it upon himself to join the CCG. I hated myself for a while; I watched my grandson get robbed of his childhood. I hated it when he matured so quickly at such an age. And for a long time, I didn't see him smile." She had a coughing fit, and accepted the glass of water Kaneki offered gratefully.

Suiren paused before laying the glass down. "It frightened me when he entered home several times in clothes stained with blood. I couldn't tell whether that came from dead colleagues or ghouls. Or those moments wherein he cleaned his quinques. Ki-chan didn't scare me, his indifference did. He looked upon everything apathetically and along the way, he forgot to live with _meaning_.

So, I was happy he found a friend at 16 from one of his missions. His name was Fura Taishi and he managed to bring out Ki-chan's humanity and joy. Fu-chan was a complete opposite but I think that's exactly why they were great friends. Others came into his life later on, and slowly, he smiled more often out of work. Ki-chan was still the stoic man I knew but he learned to be more positive."

Although the idea was impossible now, he wanted to thank them for being there for Arima. He's had his fair share of insanity and inhumane thoughts but being with Banjou, Tsukiyama, Hinami, and the crew helped quell those unwelcome issues, even just a tad bit. He'd be fine without the half-ghoul, right? His heart was aching from that clawing thought and mostly after knowing what Arima's gone through and lost.

Suiren continued. "Even so, he was surprisingly lonely despite their company. He may have never said it aloud but I knew he longed for someone to love him, in no way I or his friends can. Someone who made him forget all those terrible memories just by being with him. Someone who made him smile whole heartedly. Someone who filled the gap in his heart."

Kaneki blinked away his tears, clutching the cotton material on his chest. Was he able to do that for him? He averts his gaze from her, hoping she wouldn't read into his reaction that much.

"Ken-chan," A soft, fond voice called for his attention.

Suiren smiled at him and it confused him because she wore that look as if she knew what he thought about and--Oh. The realization dawned on him.

She **did** know.

"You became that someone since three years ago."

All the words clog up on his throat and he can feel his whole being in a momentary halt. His gears only start turning when she spoke again.

"Ki-chan always spoke fondly about you. At first, an amnesiac ghoul to be taken on his wing. Then, a son he wanted to pamper and care for. And finally, a lover, someone who he'd protect." The elder held his hand. "Ken-chan, he loves you very much."

Fat tears fell from his eyes easily and his lip quivered. His beating organ was a dam that broke, unable to contain the overwhelming feelings. Once again, nothing made any sense. "...Then why...?"

Suiren finishes his question. "Did he leave you?" She continued. "Ki-chan thought that he was the reason for your suffering Ken-chan. He didn't want to hurt you so he left. Ki-chan thought it was best to set you free by giving you back those memories to return to the home where you truly belong even if it meant that you'd hate him."

That stupid reaper.

Kaneki wipes away his tears only to have even more dripping down on his face. They were relentless. He hated the fact the he can't hate the man.

A death god who easily took life and ruined his. The pain he went through in dealing with him was blinding. In a literal and figurative sense and he will never forget the fact that he killed Koma and Irimi. Or the fact that he killed Yomo's sister. Yet as Haise, Arima showered him with love, care and proper guidance, a fresh start for a new life. He can't deny that although the man has taken much from him, he's also given him many, many important things to cherish.

"I know that Ki-chan's done terrible things which can't be washed away. The sin of taking lives is unforgivable. In atonement, he has to bear that cross for his whole life. I know you've been through a lot like him but," Suiren took both of his hands and held it subtly. "Can I ask you to be there for my grandson? To guide him for when he is lost. To protect him when he is vulnerable. To love him again."

"..." His breath hitched.

"Sorry I lied. I actually told Ki-chan you were here but you can still leave. The decision is yours. To go back to where you belong or stay for him."

Anteiku was his home. The smell of coffee, boisterous laughter and happiness would be there for him. But home is where the heart lies and that it lay with him now. A man that came by the name Arima Kishou.

"You're wrong obaa-chan." He smiled. "I can't love him again when I've never stopped loving him. I always have and now," His grey eyes were soaked in warmth. "I've made up my mind that I always will."

* * *

The rain slowed down and the soft pitter patter was pleasant to hear. Light from outside passed through the curtains and the sound of an engine stopping signalled the arrival of Arima.

"He's here." 

"Mhm." With a deep breath, he carefully made his way out of the bed and clasped back the Rolex on his wrist.

Suiren guided him to the door and he felt nervous all of the sudden. When he'd open the door, what type of face would the reaper make? He's Sasaki Haise but he's also Kaneki Ken. Would Arima accept him in full? His best and his worst? 

"Ken-chan, don't overthink. Things will work out on their own." She supportively grasped his arm.

She was right. 

He softly smiled at her and with one last exhale, he twists the knob.

Amidst the damp and dark surroundings, a man's walking figure was illuminated by the lamps on the cobbled path. 

Arima.

The older picked up his pace.

Kaneki finds himself moving his feet and as he was at arm's reach, Kishou beat him first into the embrace. He hugged him tightly as if it would be their last. Kaneki reciprocated it, leaning his head onto his chest, listening to the steady beating of his hearts.

The bespectacled man whispered softly in his ear. "Look at me."

Kaneki shook his head. He felt frightened again; the questions once more rushing into his mind. Would there be rejection and disappointment? Or recognition and acceptance? 

"Kaneki Ken," He murmured, a silent plea. "Look at me."

Being called by his original name gives him a boost of confidence. Kaneki tilted his head up to see the reaper.

He met his eyes and a slightly calloused hand cupped his supple cheek. Love, acceptance and apology was reflected on his expression. His display of emotion was so humane and warm that Kaneki felt so blessed to be able to see that face.

"Whether you go by the name Kaneki Ken or Sasaki Haise, it doesn't matter." A warm thumb brushes his cheek. "I'll gladly accept any change. You are you. No one can take that fact away."

A few droplets escape his eyes.

How wonderful it was that short but meaningful statements by his reaper erased all his uncertainties. 

He was accepted in full. 

"...Thank you, Kishou." Kaneki reaches for his face to cup lovingly in return. He almost laughed on how Arima leaned into his touch like how a cat would. 

He needed Kishou and Kishou needed him.

_I'm sorry Koma-san, Irimi-san, everyone... but I love him._

Suiren watched them and smiled. ' _Anata,_  our grandson learned how to truly love.' She looked up the starry sky that was no longer blocked with ominous clouds. 'If you're watching them from heaven, please protect them Setsu.'

* * *

_"Yo, Kaneki." A certain blonde grinned at him, sitting by swing set. He patted the swing next to him._

_"Hide..." Kaneki smiled and sat on the offered swing._

_"How's life?"_

_"Rough." He said. "But I think it'll get better because of Kishou."_

_Hide hummed. "That old man, huh? I'm a little jealous that he's become an important person to you--" He played at a hurt expression. "All this time, I thought I was enough."_

_Chuckling in mirth, he slaps at his friend's shoulder. "He's not an old man. Kishou's still 33 and, you don't need to be jealous. You're just as important as he is."_

_"Ah, that's a relief." He wipes imaginary sweat of his head._

_He wishes that this could've been real. He wishes it was really Hide. Alive and kicking._

_His sunshine._

_"I'll never forget you." Kaneki announced, a small furrow between his eyebrows. "You're my most precious bestfriend."_

_Even if it was just a dream, he wants to tell Hide how much he meant to him._

_"Yet--" Kaneki bit his lip. "Because of the monster I became--"_

_I killed you._

_"'Neki, don't be so hard on yourself." His tone turned serious. "We all have inner demons. You've gone this far and I'm not letting you waste it by your self-loathing."_

_He did a tight nod._

_Hide poked his chest. "I'll always be right here. In your **kokoro**." He tried to blink prettily at him. Tried._

_Kaneki laughed out loud, guilt forgotten. "That's gross, Hide."_

_"I'm only this gross for you." The blond puckered his lips in a kissing motion and leaned forward, causing Kaneki to tumble back from his swing. Both end up in a tangled mess._

_They're all smiles and laughter before Kaneki started to tear up again._

_Why did it feel so real?_

_"Again? Why are you being such a crybaby?"_

_"Well, your heaviness is suffocating me."_

_"Sorry, sorry." Hide stands up and pulled him up after._

_He sniffled and wiped his tears._  

_"Is that old man making you sad?"_

_"He's not an old man! And no, he doesn't make me sad. Kishou makes me feel at home." A fond smile. "He can be stoic, blunt, and serious but he could also be a bit immature, really gentle and kind--"_

_Hide whistled at his confession to which Kaneki flushes on in embarrassment. "You really have it in deep with this guy, don't you?"_

_"I-Isn't that obvious..." He answered flusteredly._

_They relish in the momentary silence, the sunset basking their figures with the pretty orange._

_It's time._

_The blonde wore a melancholic look. "Kaneki, be happy."_

_Kaneki smiled at him, "Mhm. I will."_

His vision turned blindingly white and the half-ghoul knew his dream had ended. 

What a wonderful dream it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretend that you didn't see the hidekane I put at the end. *cough cough* okay I had to. That part was a dream Kaneki had on the way back to Arima's house. I thought that Hide embodied his positivity, joy and humanity so he's come to terms that it's okay to be happy with Arima. Next chapter will be purely Arisasa and await the fluff bros xDD. I was actually inspired by this song when I wrote this chapter (http://fansoop.com/2013/03/pv-egoist-all-alone-with-you-subbed/)so try listening to it, it's a really beautiful song. Tell me if there are spelling or grammatical errors. I've also realized that it's exactly been one year since I started my fic (yay).P.S what is with my poor characterization of Arima T-T(although I'd like to think of him as a really kind and sweet guy once he's extremely close to someone.)  
> Terms:  
> Anata- a term of endearment you usually you use for your significant half. Suiren referred to her husband who's passed away.  
> Kokoro- Heart xDD


	31. Circles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Actions spoke louder than words. What can the reaper do to help the half-ghoul deviate from the trail he's been travelling on in circles?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TG:re Chapter 53 just ended me. So did chapter 54 :D. Anywho, I'm escaping this with some fluff ;u;

When Kaneki woke up to the relentless downpour outside, he noticed two things. First, Kishou wasn't here. Second, the bed was cold without him. Kaneki shivered involuntarily and tried to steal the remaining warmth of his blanket cover. It was too cold. He twisted his body to the right and noticed a piece of parchment taped to the alarm clock on the bedside.

Sacrificing his arm to the cold temperature, Kaneki exposed a limb to reach out towards the note. He made a quick job of snapping it off the alarm clock and instantly pulled back his arm with the note in hand. 

**Out to purchase coffee beans.**

**I'll be back soon.**

**Until then, learn to adapt to the cold.**

**-Arima l[      ]—[     ]l**

As much as he wanted to groan at his cruel words, he ended up chortling instead. He didn't know that CCG's strongest could make such an emoji. Kaneki's certain it's self-made because he's never seen an eyeglasses emoticon like that before. What he scribbled was cute and it had unique touch that simply made it Kishou's. Laughter bubbles up his throat when he pictured the stoic man writing the note with the slightest hint of pink on his face.

His breath came out as a white puff. He rubbed his slightly numb hands against one another, the friction producing warmth. Kaneki closed his eyes and listened to the constant pitter patter outside muffled by the confines of the bedroom. 

Looking back, it rained _that day._

After reciting a poem of _Kitahara Hakushu's "Seals and Clouds"_ to calm down _,_  the Special Class investigator suddenly spoke about the weather. Of how his sense of time would dull and how he wouldn't know of the weather when he was underground but he would know that it was raining through the sound of water. Kaneki clung to every word he said. Not in desperation to keep his sanity in check, rather, because he was drawn to the strangely comforting voice of the older. Even if the pain melting him and the jumbling of half of his brain's hemisphere was because of him.

_"It will be over soon."_

Kaneki didn't know if Arima was referring to the rain or pertaining to him because he detected the smallest speck of empathy in that soft, firm voice. This empathy was later on proven to be true when Arima didn't kill him...at least not entirely. He'd be lying that he wasn't initially upset of the pain the man caused but more or less, he's come to terms of with what's been done. There was no person that hadn't committed a mistake. That applied to both of them. All they could do is make up for it and shoulder the burden as they lived. An act of repentance. If Arima accepted him at his best and at his worst, he would do the same thing. Kaneki believed that he would do anything for the reaper and Arima would do anything for him.

But, was Arima willing to turn away from the CCG for his sake?

There were still several unsolved matters that he must make right with his hands. Aogiri, the One-Eyed Owl, Kanou, the people being experimented on... The maltreatment of ghouls. He knows that some ghouls are simply rotten to the core and show no hesitance in killing. But, not all were evil. Several ghouls only ate when necessary and some still managed to muster a smile after all they've been through.

It reminds him of Anteiku.

Manager...

Aside from that, he also wanted to grant freedom to those who were chained by the CCG. Amon was an excellent investigator and although he doesn't know of his recent doings, he would want to believe that the righteous glare in his eyes haven't disappeared. And if Kaneki was wrong, he still owed much to him. Arata was a friend he valued and he knew that the man didn't deserve to be greeted with needles and cold steel everyday. He deserved to come home to his children as a father and make up for the lost time. Touka and Ayato needed him.

Arata and Amon had to be set free but of course if he offered his aid to their escape, the CCG would take it as an act of treason. Would Arima help him? Support him on every neccesity needed? Turn against the people he's been with for so long?

Or.

Arima would remain with the CCG and--

Kaneki trusted Kishou and had blind faith in him. It wasn't fair that he doubted him. It's been 9 days since he's stayed with him and all that the older has given him was warmth, comfort, care and love. Not a menacing weapon pointing at his throat nor any form of pain. He's had nightmares, panic attacks, abnormal fits and what's more, he was mentally unstable but never did Kishou approach him with Narukami in hand.

Arima approached him with soft hushes and sweet nothings to him, making him forget all the trauma. He held him in reassurance that things would be better by the next day. Arima would take great care in physical contact; he only held his hand when it would shake, cup his face when it quivered and would only hug him when his whole body trembled. Or for when Kaneki would initiate it himself. Arima made sure not to make him uncomfortable. He never kissed him on the lips since, only on the forehead and his eyes when they were closed, as if to apologize for his sin. A silent plea to be forgiven.

And Kaneki always would, a thousand times even.

The reaper managed to pass an official notice of his absence to have no one in the CCG suspect that Kaneki Ken was back and he also informed his squad and others of his status so as to not make them worry. Kaneki wanted to see the others soon but only when he would be mentally prepared. Kishou aided him in that. They had talked and talked about what there was to know about the other but they haven't gone around to completely telling yet on how they...changed. Into monsters. Kaneki was afraid, even Arima. It was understandable, it was a step by step process because going too quick would make them stumble.

Kaneki knew because one time when he brought up the topic of the 24th ward, Arima flinched the slightest. Still, it was a flinch and Arima  _never_  flinches. He apologized and comforted him after. Kaneki was then aware that he still hadn't come to terms with the death of his family, even after all these years. He felt a burst of protectiveness. Arima was much stronger than him but he would be there at his side, needlessly shielding him anyway. Arima would do the same. They'd get better.

But what then?

Kaneki chewed his inner lip. Right now, they were together, that's all that mattered. He dispelled those depressing thoughts for the time being and spared a glance at the alarm clock.

8:17 A.M

The idea of a warm bath appealed to him very temptingly and he doesn't deny that temptation. A slap of cold air hits his face as he stood up and reluctantly walked away from the haven known as the bed.

* * *

 

The sound of a doorbell called his attention and his guard immediately rose. Arima would always have a key with him when he was out of his house and gave himself access for when he returned. If it wasn't him then...

CCG officers?

Kaneki set the book down on the ottoman and walked towards the doorway in hushed haste. He checked the monitor at the side and found relief that it was just Kishou who apparently didn't bring an umbrella nor a key (How unlike of him to forget.). Concern is what draws his brows to a knit and the direct initiative to twist the knob.

Aside from the plastic he carried, Kaneki took note of the man's drenched appearance. Rivulets of water ran down his soaked coat, glasses foggy from the humidness, his usually well kept hair had frizzy flyaways and the hairtips clung to his damp face like a leech. Basically, the man was soaked to the bone and Kaneki was starting to feel bad with every passing second that he doesn't let him in. But before he could even speak, Arima unbuttoned the first three latches to show the inner part of his coat.

"I found a kitten." This was confirmed to be true when white fur poked out of his pocket. "Can you help it?"

Kaneki gave him a small nod, pulling him inside without further ado. Shutting the door, he gives immediate attention to both. He rushed to get some dry towels and first wrapped the quivering little thing. While holding the kitten, he gently pried away the hands that held the plastic and discarded it by the table. Kaneki then assisted Arima in getting out of the heavy, long sleeved coat single handedly--the kitten was cradled in the other-- and threw it by the clothes basket. He turned to look at the older who pecked his forehead.

"Tadaima."

Kaneki smiled at the older and heaved a breath. "Okaerinasai." It still took him some time to get used to these warm gestures again but greeting him was something that molded perfectly into their routine. The routine was unomittable. "Take a bath." A chaste peck on his cheek. "I'll handle this."

Arima parted his lips a little before cracking up a small smile. "Thank you Ken."

The older decided to use his given name before but Haise was a name Kaneki had given himself and it was quite special to him because Arima had called him fondly with that name for years. So, they don't abandon it. Kishou would use these two important names alternately, calling him with full, unadulterated affection no matter which name was in usage. Whenever he did call, warmth would blossom through his chest, leaving contentment as a sweet aftertaste. He felt very happy that this expressive and romantic side of Kishou was only for him and no one else.

Kaneki fondly looked upon the figure heading up the flight of stairs for a short moment. A small cry erupted from the kitten and everything becomes a flurry of activity. He dried it up thoroughly albeit hurriedly and bundled the kitten up with new, dry cloth. Kaneki piled up a considerable amount of wood to increase the heat of the fireplace and had lit up the stove in order to prepare hot milk. The plastic Kishou had, aside from the coffee, also housed a pet bottle and milk formula for kittens. 

'He must've rushed to the store..' He recalled the damp face of the older. 'The rain masked his sweat.'

Kaneki made a knowing sigh and a ghost of a smile lay on his lips.

He initially didn't like rainy days. Terrible things happened for when it rained. Ryouko-san's death, his deadly encounter with Amon and.. Anteiku Raid. Although now, he's grown to like rainy days quite a bit. The shinigami was quickly reworking his opinion of that.

Kaneki unscrewed the cap, scooped the right amount of powder and had the particles fall in the bottle. After that, he poured the warm water with practiced caution and put the teat back on. He shook the container thoroughly as he headed back. When he saw the bundled up kitten whose grey doe eyes looked expectantly at him, he couldn't help but coo as he took the animal back into his arms. 

He fed him subtly with the milk so that it wouldn't choke but the kitten seemed very eager to down the whole milk in one seating so he gives in to its wish. The kitten gave a satisfied burp and Kaneki let out a relieved sigh because its shivering ceased. Its eyes blinked sleepily, wanting to take a nap. Kaneki shook his head and set him down on the sofa. 

'Lazy little thing.' He covered the kitten's body with another layer of cloth just to be safe. If the kitten found it too hot, he could always wriggle out of his confines.

Kaneki felt tired all of the sudden as he sat on the couch, the toasty warm temperature not helping his drowsiness either. He yawned as he made a feline-like stretch and looked over the sleeping kitten. Looks like it wasn't the only lazy one here. He lay his head at the side and dozed off.

* * *

When he met him as Haise, he wasn't what Arima expected. 

Haise was very trusting. Too trusting that it had hurt. He was unaware of all the trauma and suffering he's been through as Kaneki Ken. Haise was behaved, timid and sweet. Yes, he was introverted, sometimes closed off and his eyes always seemed to yearn for people but he didn't wash away his smiles. Not like what he imagined him to be.

Naive.

So whenever he'd smile at Arima, guilt whiplashed at him over and over, making him feel disgusted by his own existence. Yet, warmth oozed as well when he did, easily thawing the heart that he thought he didn't have. He has allies, friends; the closest one being Taishi but he always maintained a respectable distance between them. Arima put a stoic mask, a firm and resolute stature that made most people render him in a sense that he was a god. He didn't like that but he compromised. In solitude, he found contentment because human relationships gave overwhelming emotions that weaken and hurt.

Haise defied his principle. The reaper was terrified that he grew attached to the younger for such a short amount of time when they shared the same roof 3 years ago. It wasn't his innocence or adorableness alone. The very essence of his soul drew him like a moth to a flame.

It didn't settle well with him that he's become soft. He needed to remind himself that it would be foolish to pursue love. Much more so with a ghoul.

I ended your life. Hate me. Despise me.  _Resent_ me.

Haise didn't.

He never did.

And even when his memories returned as Kaneki Ken, he did the contrary. No matter how ugly his being was, Kaneki had loved him. Right now, he doesn't think of those trifling things. He only did that before because he was afraid of Haise becoming someone he couldn't bear to lose. Ken was still someone he couldn't bear losing but he wasn't afraid anymore because he would eliminate anyone or anything that would try to take him away, even at the cost of his life in exchange. As long as the one he loved dearest wouldn't be hurt.

Arima had the urge to smack his own deadpan face for only realizing that when the others pointed out his idiocy.

He won't make the same mistake again.

Arima turned off the shower with a twist on the left cap and shook the droplets of his hair. He proceeded out of the cubicle with a towel wrapped around his waist. Arima wiped the steam off the mirror to look at his reflection that stared back with a solemn expression.

He sighed.

Don't overthink.

Arima stepped in his bedroom and searched for articles of clothing to wear. He was about to put on his top when he noticed the sweater peeking out from the rack of the wardrobe. Arima came closer to reach out the hanger and unhooked it. He feels the knitted fabric with his deft fingers, trailing on the grey weave, the only pattern out of the black article.

A gift from his crossbreed on his birthday.  _  
_

The corner of his lips twitch the slightest and he slipped the sweater on. It was comfy, soft and flexible but it still emphasized his lean, muscly torso. Arima wore his glasses laying by his desk and obtained the blowdryer and comb from the lower compartment of the desk. He headed down after. 

Usually, he was resorted to the pampering of the hair by Ken. He also pampered him in return. Give and take.

His eyes blink twice when he found Ken snoozing by the sofa, curled up like the kitten sleeping next to him. He put the items on the table and settled quietly beside the sleeping figure. Arima brushes his finger against the fair, supple cheek lightly, making sure not to rouse his lover. His finger lingered longer on his lips which were glossy and flushed, a very tempting pair to kiss. 

But he doesn't.

Arima forbade himself from doing any overlyintimate contact with the male. Not until Ken was comfortable enough to give him consent on such. He was aware that he was still sensitive to touches that stayed long. Arima suspected that he was subjected to torture before but he won't force the younger to talk about his trauma unless he was ready in mind and heart. Just like him, he can't afford to speak yet of his past experience in the 24th ward. Arima believed that they will talk about these things with each other truthfully.

All in due time.

A few minutes went by like that and he knew that it wouldn't be worth disturbing his sleep for his hair to be dried and combed properly.

With one last glimpse, he soundlessly went up from his position however a hand tugged at his sleeve. Arima was certain that he was quiet in doing so but Ken still managed to wake himself up.

Did Kaneki perhaps, sense his presence?

"Sorry for waking you up." An apologetic tone.

Kaneki rubbed his bleary eyes. "It's fine, I had plenty of sleep."

"I'll make some coffee."

"No." Kaneki has an evident frown on his face and a scolding look meant to intimidate. It didn't look that way at all. Arima found his irritated look rather endearing. "Stay here so I can dry your hair. You'll catch a cold if you leave it neglected."

He was more keen on expressing himself than before and his moods fluctuated often but the older didn't have issues with that. In fact, it was easier to know how he felt and thought. 

"Understood, sir." Arima playfully replied.

Kaneki smiled and hugged him before walking out to get a towel. After, he plugged the blowdryer's cord to the extension wire and stuck the comb on the space of his ear. Ken sat on the sofa while Arima situated himself lower, between his legs to let the younger have easier access to his hair. 

Kaneki rubbed the towel against his hair vigorously until he deemed it fit to hairdry. The comb ran through his semi-damp hair along with a pleasant albeit strong sensation of air blowing on his tresses. Kaneki ran through section by section with practiced care and skill. Arima listened to the humming of the younger throughout until he stopped altogether with his ministrations.

"All done." He sounded pleased with his work and gathered the materials that were used on the table. 

Arima eyed the sleeping kitten while Ken gathered the items. "It hasn't woken up." 

"Probably a heavy sleeper." Kaneki muttered, "Like you."

The reaper's ears caught wind of what he muttered. "Haise."

"Hm?"

"I am not a heavy sleeper." Arima flatly answered.

Kaneki replied, unconvinced. "Uh-huh."

"...It's only difficult for me to wake up when missions and paperwork make a consecutive follow up." He defended.

"Uh-huh."

"If my body is exhausted--"

"Which is all the time since you're an old man now..."

Cue in the sudden silence of Arima.

Kaneki slapped his legs and laughed. "Did I get you on that one?"

"..."

"Hey, Kishou... Kishou." Kaneki tried to meet his gaze but Arima refused to look at him. "...Did that really hurt you?"

No response.

Guilt wormed in. "I'm-- I'm really sorry." Kaneki leaned in closer to him. 

He got a forehead flick from the taller one.

The younger winced from the sudden pain that dissipated in seconds and glared at Arima after who shook silently in mirth.  "You're quite gullible." 

"I thought I hurt you." Kaneki flushed indignantly, the effect of his glare reduced to nothing. He closed his eyes and instantly regained composure, a much calmer lilt rather than an embarrassed one. "I was worried."

The older stared on.

He started mumbling. "You're not old yet, you're still 33..."

"Uh-huh." Arima deadpanned.

They smile at one another and Kaneki took the empty space at his left. Ken was situated quite close to him that he can feel the warmth radiating from his arm. Their hands were less than an inch away and he fights back the urge to twitch his fingers the slightest. However, before he could rid himself of that compelling itch, the former's fingers intertwine with his and remained there for more than a minute.

What a pleasant surprise. 

Ken often hugged him, pecked him in the cheek or pat his tame white hair but those actions were fleeting. Always chaste, never lingering. But now...

Kaneki softly talked. "I held obaa-chan's hand like this but when I tried to think of doing the same to you, I couldn't bring myself to stretch out my fingers."

His hand tightened slightly around the larger one. "I was afraid. Maybe when I'd hold your hand, it wouldn't be as genuinely solicitous as before. I wonder what good it would do for you to handle me." A bitter laugh. "I'm really frustrated that I promised myself to protect you and I don't---" He huffed. "You believe it's a give and take relationship but why do I feel like I'm the only getting something out of this? It's not fair for you. I'm only a third amount of sane while the rest is just.."

_Full of fucked up._

Arima squeezed back his deceptively delicate hand, listening on.

"My mom couldn't completely handle me. I was another addition to her stress and finances. Mom was really pure and kind; she didn't deserve to strain herself for me and her terrible sister. She was stressed so I was a good boy, hurt or not--I know my mom didn't mean to _beat_ me..."

The older's embrace was a splash of cold water. He felt resuscitated, realizing how deep in he's become from holding Kishou's hand from speaking of a difficult epoch. Kaneki clutched his shirt, aquivered. "I loved her very m..uch." He rasped the last part of his statement, things getting difficult with the hard lump in his throat. "Even so, she l...left me."

"Shh." Arima tucked a few strands of the younger's behind the ear, staring deeply unto his sad, unsteady eyes before pressing his head against his own chest. Not a word was spoken as his sweater was dampened by the other's tears. He rubbed soothing circles around the upper back and remained in his position. Kaneki had violently trembled, clawing at his sweater ferociously.

Broken sobs and stuttering words.

This was the part the reaper hated the most. Being unable to remove the source of Ken's pain because the damage was done and had clearly fulfilled its purpose, leaving a broken boy. All he could do was stay at his side and provide solicitation, any form of reassurance to the boy that he was here. And always here. 

Several minutes later, his crying finally died down, his tired hands resting on Arima's shoulders, head buried deep on one side. Kaneki hoarsely said. "Th-hank you."

"Haise, I'm sure she loved you. If not, you wouldn't be born into this world. You aren't alone." Arima patted his hair in downward strokes, chin placed atop the crown of his hair."You have your squad, Akira, Tenri, and the people at :re. Also, you have one old man at your side."

Although Arima couldn't see it, he could sense the younger's lips twitch into a smile. 

"As for what our relationship is, I stand firm to the belief that it is give and take. You make me happy and content. Don't be afraid of breaking." Arima whispered lightly, a surreptitious promise of love. "I assure you that I'll pick up and piece back what's fallen."

Kaneki broke into laughter. "How cheesy."

"You aren't taking me seriously." He let a childish huff of annoyance but a smile still managed to find a way on his face.

* * *

The shinigami walked back to the living room with a mug of coffee. He placed the mug in front of the ghoul who pretty much mellowed out.

"Here."

Kaneki mumbled out a small thanks and brought the mug's rim to his lips that blew gently on the aromatic liquid. He took moderate sips before setting it down with a satisfied sigh. "That was right on the spot."

"Are you sure you aren't more of an old man than I am, Ken?" Arima asked in monotone so the younger wasn't sure if that was a joke or a jab.

Either way, both of them find themselves chuckling. His chuckles faded when Kaneki furrowed his brows, troubled once more. "There's been a certain question playing on my mind often."

Arima noted the way Ken gazed at his own clasped hands, how white his knuckles were. "...I see."

"You do know that this--what we're doing right now-- won't last forever. The CCG will come knocking on your door once they find out that I remember. I'll pose a risk to you if I don't choose my actions sooner." He gazed at the older sadly. "I'll either have to work again in the CCG or..."

"Leave." He finished his sentence.

Kaneki nodded and he tore his gaze from the reaper and focused back to his hands. "I still need to make things right. The measures I'll take to get it done won't be acceptable to the CCG."

"So.." Kaneki spoke with uncertainty. "Would you come with me?"

Arima was silent.

The half-ghoul whipped up his anxious face back at the unreadable mask Arima wore.

"I know it's selfish of me; the road I choose will be difficult but I want you at my side." He bit the side of his lip, the silence deafening for his ears.

Until.

Arima brushed his fringe back, stood up, and walked. Away from him.

The unsaid rejection has his heart torn up in two and he shook his head, smiling ruefully.

What wishful thinking he had.

The sound of music snapped him back to his senses and he saw Kishou coming back to him with an offered hand. "Would you like to dance?"

He owlishly blinked and wondered what his intentions were but Kaneki decided to take that hand and be brought up to his feet. An arm snaked behind his back pushed him towards the older. There was only a small distance between them. 

"Tell me if this makes you uncomfortable." Arima murmured and that bought Kaneki enough time to sneak a glance at the title of the song. A CD cover strewn atop the player had the title ["Come and Get Your Love"](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nkr77jE5GFY) . 

He refocused his attention to the taller male, placing one hand on his shoulder and the other on Arima's offered hand pointing at the right. Kishou pressed his left hand around the upper back, his manner of doing so was cautious and careful. The warmth enveloping on his hand and back felt nice. Arima tapped his foot rhythmically to the instrumental intro. Kaneki stared amusedly at his tapping feet and to his stoic face prior to being pushed back and was spun around surprisingly.

 

* * *

**♪Hail (Hail) What's the matter with your head? yeah...**  
**Hail (Hail) What's the matter with your mind and all your sighing?**  
**And-a ooh-ohh**  
**Hail (hail) Nothin's a matter with your head, baby, find it**  
**Come on and find it**  
** Hell, with it, baby, 'cause you're fine and you're mine  
And you look so divine♪**

He was brought back forth to Arima with a tug and he can't help but be a tad excited. Arima gracefully strode to the left twice before stepping forward suddenly, causing Kaneki to stumble although that resulted in a small (awkward) dip, his strong arm pulling him back together. Arima spared him an apologetic look to which he responded to with a sheepish smile and they continued on.

Most likely the older knew how to dance although he was quite rusty.

**♪Come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love♪**

Kishou swayed, a certain algorithm to each smooth shift on his body from side to side, his feet were in coordination to his upper. He found himself getting into the groove, shyly at first. He hasn't tried dancing this type of dance before. Was it foxtrot? Waltz maybe? He wasn't someone who knew and had innate talent in dancing unlike Hide.

He was so thankful the blonde was his dance partner on homecoming. Well, his highschool mates threw ludicrous looks at them as a result because a dance match up like that was odd. But Kaneki didn't mind. It was fun.

His eyes are soaked in welcoming shades of nostalgia and joy.

**♪Hail (Hail) What's the matter with your feel right?**  
**Don't you feel right, baby?**  
**Hail, oh, yeah, get it from the main vine, alright**  
**I said-a find it, find it, darling, love it**  
**If you like it, yeah-eh**  
**Hail (Hail) It's your business if you want some**  
**Take some, get it together, baby♪**

Upon hearing the first two parts of that verse, he tilted his chin up to see the older gazing at him with utmost sincerity and motivation. Kaneki wasn't fluent in English although he had a steady grasp in understanding the language(He's had a fair share of English collections.). Thanks to that, he was able to realize what the man wanted to say but couldn't express out loudly.

_Get it together. You don't have to think of circumstances that will try to separate us. Come and get what's yours._

** ♪Come and get your love **  
**Come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love♪**

_I'll be here._

Kaneki was spun around elegantly, remaining at eye contact with the older who supported his body's balance by holding firm to his back. His hair swished more often as he increased his own pace for them to equalize. He was starting to get rather fond of the song. Maybe they should do this more often seeing that Arima wore a small smile for the duration of the song until now and the fact that he didn't feel as bad when there would be a prolonged period of contact. He felt secure in those arms.  
  
**♪Come and get your love, come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love, now**  
**Come and get your love, come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love, now**  
**Come and get your love, come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love, now**  
**Come and get your love, come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love, now♪**

Kaneki was quickly swirled around by Arima before being guided across the wooden floor. The flurry of movements felt so exhilarating.

**♪Come and get your love**  
** Come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love**  
**Come and get your love♪**

They stepped back and forth, occasional quick steps here and there. It was still fast paced but the difficulty level was enough for him to handle. He peeked at the male who had that permanent ghost of a smile, clearly enjoying this.

Kaneki felt the same.

**♪Hail (Hail) What's the matter with your feel right?**  
**Don't you feel right, baby?**  
**Hail, oh, yeah, get it from the main vine, alright♪**  
  
**♪La,la,la,la,la,la, (come and get your love)**  
**La,la,la,la,la,la, (come and get your love)**  
**La,la,la,la,la,la, (come and get your love)**  
**La,la,la,la,la,la, (come and get your love)**  
** La,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la (come and get your love)**  
**La,la.la,la,la,la,la,la,la (come and get your love)**  
** La,la,la,la,la,la, (come and get your love)**  
**La,la,la,la,la,la,la,la,la (come and get your love)♪**

When the music died down, he pressed himself closer against the taller's chest, the beat of the shinigami's heart overpowering the pitter patter outside. Arima encircled his arms around him, placing his chin on the top of the almost charcoal hair. The scent of fresh soap and rain dew invaded his senses. Home. Kaneki closed his eyes, relieved and content. He would be with him.

As if hearing his thoughts, Arima reconfirmed it aloud.

"I am well aware that being with you will be meaning that the CCG will also become my enemy but,"  Kaneki could almost imagine his eyes softening at this time. "It's your path and I want to be with you."

"There will be no killing my ghoul friends." Kaneki seriously said.

"If you deem them well then it won't be an issue."

He fondly remembered Tsukiyama, Hinami, Banjou and the rest.

"Possibly you have to give up your credit cards and property."

"Not an issue." 

"--And that includes your books."

Kaneki stifled his laughter, seeing his throat bob and let out a slightly strained voice. 

"I can cope."

"I was kidding about the novels." He wound his arms around his lower waist. "We'll see what we can take before we leave."

Kaneki felt Arima smile against his hair.

He thought of an investigator just about his height. If not, taller. "I want to save two friends of mine."

"What's the issue?"

"They're in the CCG Labs."

A long pause.

"Can we.." 

"Talk about this later?" Kaneki could feel the other staggering mentally, at a loss of words.

Arima mumbled something along the lines of being too old and tired for this. Kaneki could only nod in consideration of the _supposed_ elder.

* * *

The sky remained a shady grey and the rain has yet to relent. A perfect set up for sleeping before afternoon came. Arima tucked Kaneki and himself with the blanket cover. He placed beforehand the kitten by the table with one of the slide-in drawers as his makeshift bed. 

"Kishou," His crossbreed softly called. "Don't you have to eat lunch?"

He shook his head lightly. "That can wait. I want to sleep with you here."

Arima blinked in awe when the crossbreed interlaced their fingers, snuggling up close to him as they did so. "Mhm."

They were a hairsbreadth away, his charcoal fringe tickling his face, eyes of similar color boring into his. Those lips he wanted to taste was so tantalizingly close--

Reason stopped him from claiming

"Ken, you should--"

_Back away._

Instead, he was prevented to continue as he was shut up by a very soft and warm pair of lips.

"I'll be fine." Kaneki murmured. "I'm not as fragile as you think, Kishou." His eyes flash the most subtle of warnings that displayed dominance. 

He had almost forgotten how strong the young male could be.

Arima stared at him in admiration. His slightly calloused fingers brushed his cheeks and after, curled up his hand on his neck, taking the initiative this time. He tilted his face as he closed the distance.

The kiss wasn't very graceful since they were in a lying position. Their noses bumped too often, necks caught in an awkward brace, disheveled hair getting in the way but Arima(he hoped the crossbreed as well) wouldn't find any other way than to be here like this, all senses filled by the other. From taste to touch.

When they parted, he saw cheeks dusted in pink and a smile was worn by the lips he kissed. 

Why did he look so beautiful?

"I love you." The older couldn't help but blurt out. He can feel his own cheeks burn in realization that he said it aloud. Arima hoped to recover the apathetic look but the chuckle of the younger had told otherwise.

Kaneki was clearly amused with his interesting take of an expression and in return, pecked him once more. "I love you too." He tightened his hold and had all but leaned so that their foreheads would touch. 

"I love you." Kaneki continued to mumble.

If one could explode from happiness, Arima would.

Just like the rain soaking the pavement and grass outside, his coherent muttering had soaked the deepest areas of his heart. There was no looking back now. He loved the crossbreed so much that he wouldn't be able to let go of him.

* * *

 

After a few minutes, Kaneki dozed off. Arima brushed off any stray fringe-with great difficulty since he only had one available hand-- from his thick long lashes. He peered over their still connected hands and settled his eyes once more at the sleeping figure. Comfortable fatigue was already settling in muscles and the reaper was inching closer to sleep. He thought of one last thing before he would completely surrender.

V14.

Maybe back then, he was already captivated by the beautiful and tragic soul that met him. He wondered how that was the case. Despite the grotesque appearance and hostile kagune, Arima thought he was beautiful in such a grim way. He believes though that his attention was fully taken he spoke of a poem.

A beautiful poem for a beautiful person.

His eyelids slowly close. 

Arima perfectly remembered his excerpt-- one of the poems of Kitahara Hakushu--

He fell into the clutches of sleep.

_"He is Ainu. His eyebrows sparkling. His white beard, hangs down his chest. The thatched mats spread outside of his chise, spread softly, his splendid attos.. He polishes, cross-legged his makiri, with his eyes completely absorbed. He is Ainu. The god of Ainu Mosir, Ae-oine Kamuy, descendant of Okikumuri. He perishes, a living corpse. The summers day, the white sunlight, Unibushi. Ends simply through his breath alone. It's so pretty. Hakushu..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was the fluff??? Yes I apologize again for my delay (which is always). I'd like to think of cuddles and dancing as enjoyable thing the OTP does. I really suck at describing dances so I hope you can understand // 4-5 chapters left before this story ends guys!


	32. Reconcile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is interaction with the couple and their respective friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I'm sorry if Centipede is a bit OOC but I believe since Kaneki has gotten better, I think a part of his mentality has become more subtle too. I'm so sorry for taking this long but I finally have been granted the wings of freedom xF. Hopefully I can make my updates quicker but my heart is still hurting after the recent re: chapters.*clenches fist* why does everything hurtt. Even my OTP bruh. Idk I have an impulse to write another angstier fic but that's still up to discussion xD.

Red and white. His grey pupils reflect those colors as he wakes in his dream.

His hands push against the stark white ground, limbs coordinating so as to lift the weight of his body. The wind kisses his cheeks, as if invigorating him. The flower beds surrounding him rustle when petals brush against the other. Spider lilies and white incarnations dance to the breeze. 

 **"Why are you here?"** A distorted voice called out.

Kaneki twisted his neck around, finding _him_ caged in black steel. Just like a bound bird. "I wanted to see you." He takes a step, then another.

The masked male laughs, **"You, who's rejected me through and through, want to see me now?"**

He was a step away from the cage. "I want to understand."

 **"Understand whaaat?"** Centipede drawls out with a feminine tone.

"You."

**"..Ask those fools instead."**

"I put Kuro and Shiro to sleep. Right now, it's just us."

A long pause. Centipede turned away, lowering his head. **"Leave."**

Kaneki gripped on one of the bars. "I won't."

Fingers firmly hold a black bar, his hand gripping strongly. "Let me in."

Centipede responded in a low voice. **"I. Said. Leave."**

Haise scoffed, "You're avoiding me now? I thought--"

 **"LEAVE!"** His appendages ran amok, lashing at every part of the birdcage. Metallic clang after metallic clang.

Static plays in his ears, the sounds the other was producing was almost like...

_"Hahahahahahahaha!" The chains between his bound feet rattle as he stomped violently on the checkered floor._

_Yamori barbarically repeating words of wanting to eat him._

_Of wanting to kill him._

His free hand clenches. His body quakes. His eyes darken.

_"Have you ever heard of the Chinese redhead?" Yamori almost hummed. "I wanna put this guy in your ear."_

There's a painful ache in his head, veins pulsing loudly, toes and fingers itching and a dull ache to his heart.

Experiencing all of this now was agony.

Miserable, lost, vulnerable, weak. Weakweakweakweakweak---

But then, he remembers.

_"You idiot, that's not how you make coffee!" A bluenette reprimanded._

_"The squad is here for you." The Rank 1 said._

_"Let's go home." A hand soothingly on his shoulder._

_"Monsieur, you need to get out of your room." A voice tinged with worry._

_"The other night Eyepatch, you were crying." An investigator said._

_"Anteiku always lends a hand." The cafe manager warmly stated._

_"Kaneki, I'm your shield right?" The well built up man grins even with an injury._

_"Onii-chan!" A young girl cries out._

_"Stop being so heroic, that disgusts me." His supposed mom deadpans. "It isn't your fault; we just stay because we care."_

_"Kaneki..." A bespectacled brunette calls out._

Ah. Kaneki breathes in deeply.

_"You have your squad, Akira, Tenri, and the people at :re. Also, you have one old man at your side." His dear reaper said._

He could handle this.

Since he was saved.

"Let me in." Kaneki softens his voice, taking after a somber tone. "We're one and the same, aren't we?"

 **"Getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout."** Centipede repeatedly said, **"I don't need you!"**

"But I do." Kaneki firmly rebutted. "I need you."

Centipede froze and his kagune halted. **"You?"** He laughs. **"That's a lie. You're simply deceiving me--"**

"If I did, why am I exposing myself to you so willingly?" His grey eyes stare at his. "Let me in. Please." 

 **"No."** The other said, speaking in such a manner close to his. **"You'll erase me and then forget."**

"I won't forget." Kaneki smiled sadly. "Every negative emotion and experience... I pushed it all to you because I'm a born coward."

"I created another part of me so I won't be as hurt. That was you. You're the full manifestation of my fears, my hatred, my grief... everything."

A long pause.

"I know that you love Kishou."

Centipede fell completely silent.

"I know that you love Hinami, Touka, Tsukiyama, the manager and everybody in Anteiku. Banjou and the Gas Mask Crew. Amon, Akira, Tenri, the Quinckes and..." Kaneki swallowed a lump in his throat. "Our best friend, Hide." 

A red tear slips out from the other's eye.

"I made you act according to my fears and experiences that would pain me the most. You acted out on purpose that you enjoyed hurting others and the people you love but deep inside..."

"You were crying."

**"..."**

"Shiro and Kuro told me that this cage rarely opened to subdue you within however," he flashed his kakugan. "You were the one suppressing your own freedom."

The door to the cage opened with a click and Kaneki without hesitating, went inside.

Only to be pierced in the abdomen. Kaneki gurgled out blood.

Centipede was shivering, tears flowing on his cheeks and some on his grotesque mask. " **Go away."**

"But you let me in."

And then the realization dawns on him. 

Centipede allowed it to make him know what would happen if he went in.

A small smile forms on his bloodied lips. "Are you an idiot?"

Centipede was taken aback.

"You don't want to hurt me."

**"Wh-what are you...?"**

"Those other times too. You came out when I was close to death and starvation."

Kaneki hacks off the appendages in his calves with his own. "Thank you." 

Centipede whips his kakuja at the other.

Kaneki deflected every strike, countering it with his kagune. He kept countering until he was finally a step away from him.

He takes this opportunity to wrap his arms against him, the other pressed flush to his chest. Centipede struggled against his tight embrace.

"Just stop."

The other didn't, going as far to struggle in minutes when he could've just made use of his kakuja.

This guy really was an idiot.

But then again, the other was another aspect of him so that made him an idiot too.

"Take it off." Kaneki moves to remove his mask, the other swats his hand away.

"We were saved by everyone." His hand moves once more to take a hold of the mask.

"Kishou made me realize I was." 

He ceased his resisting.

"So isn't it about time you do so too?" The mask was lifted, revealing a crying, vulnerable male. "You've had enough right?"

 **"No more..."** Centipede stuttered, finally surrendering. **"No more. "** His kakuja dissipated, helping him make out his true identity.

A lost boy.

Kaneki buried his head on the crook of his neck, wrapping his arms against his midsection. "I--no, we are haunted by the blood on our hands. Maybe it would continue to haunt us now but we'll be okay. _Everyone_ will make it okay."

He takes a few seconds before taking a look at his face once more, cupping the other's cheek. "Don't be scared anymore, Ken."

Centipede doesn't verbally respond, offering the smallest hint of a smile at him instead.

There was pain and uncertainty etched in his face but...

This was a start.

Petals colored white flood through the cage through powerful bursts of air. Kaneki smiled, filling in the gaps of _his_ uncertainty with his assuredness. They were still one and the same no matter how much they could contrast. He closes his eyes, feeling the soft texture of a petal brushing on his lids. 

The last thought he has resounds like an echo.

We are loved.

* * *

He's sure that he dreamt. Still, he couldn't completely remember what exactly he dreamt of. A flash of a flower field and a black birdcage had given him a vague sense though.

Kaneki faced the peacefully slumbering face of Arima. His eyes are fully open, which is an oddity because mornings are in liu with sleepy and groggy things. He takes up the opportunity to make out the features of his lover because no matter how frequently he'd take that chance, he would never be tired of it.

His fingers pad across the unblemished face like he would to a precious book. He nudged his lower lip with his thumb, hiding a smile. He traced the outlines of his eyebrows and played with a miniscule crease in between them.

He stifled a laugh when he boldly pinched his nose. Arima unconsciously wrinkled his nose in distress. Kaneki pinched just a bit more to see that nose redden. That elicited a groan from the man; Kaneki stilled his hand, only moving to cover his mouth to avoid letting any laugh from escaping.

Kishou continued to sleep on and Haise continued to look on.

If there was one word he'd describe Kishou's physical features, it would be handsome.

And youthful, he added with a hint of envy.

Not even a single wrinkle at the age of 33. Nor a single facial imperfection.

Kaneki sighs in defeat. Okay, he was jealous. Even if the topic of appearances were trivial to him before, he really couldn't help but be conscious of Arima. He had that much effect on him.

There's a resting weight around his hips and he peers down the slightest. A protective arm. Kishou seemed to have always protected him 24/7 for several days past and his suspicions are confirmed by this display of protection. 

Warmth. It encompasses his entire being. Happiness, gratitude, certainty, hope... Kaneki felt so overwhelmed that he wouldn't be able to list every single thing. He felt so loved and that by itself was a great feeling.

He pecked the sleeping man on the lips, separating himself from his hold as delicately and as mutely as possible. The bed creaked slightly as he went up, finding his slippers immediately. Later on, they would be meeting the Quinckes and make certain preparations.

He fondly thinks of one stubborn brat, one kind delinquent, one supportive greenette and one childish NEET. The half-ghoul wondered how they were doing.

Kaneki hoped for nothing to go awry; the CCG may have started to be suspicious of both of them.

A yawn breaks his trail of thought. So he was still groggy after all. Kaneki stretched his arms.

For now however, he needed to exercise, bath, cook and read (maybe) while waiting for the older to wake up.

Oh and feed the kitten of course.

* * *

Kaneki whisked the added eggs on the bowl, the color of yolk overpowering the white. He set the bowl down to open the cupboard, grabbing the containers with a label of salt and black pepper. He added a pinch of each to the egg mixture before returning the spices to where they belonged. Kaneki made a short trip to the fridge, taking the butter and with it, the basting brush.

Kaneki sliced a considerable amount of butter and had the heated pan melt the dairy product. He spread out the said product with the brush, making sure the silicone bristles distributed the butter evenly through out. Kaneki whisked the bowl one last time and poured the contents unto the pan.

The aroma of the omelette should have been mouthwatering if he was completely human. He wasn't anymore and he's constantly reminded of that every time he cooks. Smells emanating from human food only made him wrench his nose in disgust and nausea. Kaneki didn't mind however, because he was cooking this for someone important. 

_"Idiot! You're going to burn the stove." A ravenette reprimands in a panicked tone while his blond friend only blocked his attempted access to the stove._

_"Kanekiii, trust me on this one." Hideyoshi pleaded, using those damned puppy dog eyes of his._

_"Are you kidding me? I might have to call the fire department--" Kaneki coughed from the smoke he inhaled._

_Hide grinned at him to reassure him. "It won't come down to that I promise. I'm just a bit rusty." If just a bit rusty meant the pan burning black smoke and having some wild fire on the loose, then he'd definitely not let Hide attempt to cook again._

_He hurriedly fills the plastic bucket from his bathroom with water. There was no way to get into his best friend's stubborn head._

_"O-oi..." Hide says alarmingly, knowing what he was trying to do._

_Kaneki returned back, shouting at him. "Please move or get wet!"_

_"That sounds so wrong in many levels--"_

_"Hide!" Kaneki shouted, alarmed at how much the fire has heightened. He raised his container, swinging the bucket at his direction._

The incident resulted into a sulking Hide and an expensive repair fee for the stove. Kaneki wasn't at fault but felt bad that Hide was upset so he decided to cook up an all English breakfast for him a month later. If there was one thing that he learned from the experience, it would be to never ever let his best friend cook. 

That was a year before his date with Rize.

Kaneki switches the stove off, laying out the omelette carefully on the plate. He missed being happy without a care. He missed those days. He missed Hide. Kaneki wiped any tear that threatened to spill from his eyes with his sleeve.

There was no use crying over the past; that wouldn't bring Hide back. He could only move forward and endure. Endure while carrying what Hide had hoped for him. What everyone had hoped for him.

Permanent happiness.

Kaneki massaged a knot at the back of his neck, rubbing vigorously until it was gone. He was almost holding the rim of the plate when he sensed a presence behind him. Kaneki was close to flipping the assailant over when the said person wrapped his arms around him gently. He visibly relaxed, familiar with that pair of protective arms.

"You should have given me a warning beforehand." 

The older mumbled something incoherent on the crook of his neck.

"Care to repeat that one, Kishou?" Kaneki did his best to hide the smile threatening to split his face. It never ceases to amaze him of how the Special Class Reaper of the CCG could be a bit of a sluggish person in the morning. Not that he minded. When he was still learning under him, the older always woke up before him but then again, the Special Class was called around past 9 and he still had no official placement. Hence, Kaneki had no need to report at an early time back then and woke up when Arima woke him.

Kaneki could hear his throat clearing, feel his chin tilting the slightest to speak in clarity.

"Next time." Arima responded curtly.

Kaneki puts a hand over his clasped ones, securing his hold.

There is a moment of silence, of unspoken words as they remain unchanged in position.

Unspoken words akin to thank yous and good mornings.

Their kitten peeked the slightest from the corridor area, debating whether or not to interrupt whatever they were doing.

* * *

Heavily padded footsteps were heard on the corridor's floors, the blatantly loud voice of their squad leader ringing on Urie's ears. What was he--

"Sassan's back!"

Urie stopped painting, stroke paused midway. He set his color palette down, registering what Shirazu had said.

Sasaki was back. 

The ravenette untied the knots on his apron, discarding that article of clothing over the nearest chair. He scans for any stain on his hands. Seeing none, he walks towards and goes beyond his bedroom door.

Was that Special Class (idiot) able to take care of him?

Was Sasaki okay (with that guy)?

Was Sasaki still who he was?

Questions that pop up in his head are of no use if they remain unanswered. He has to be the one to seek the answers.

* * *

A hand curled up against his much larger one. Arima noticed the thin sheen of sweat on his exposed skin and reciprocated his hold. His partner was nervous.

Kaneki offered him a faint smile, sensing worry brew in the older. Arima did a double take and stretched his free arm out once seeing his nod. A small buzz and then what followed were scattered sounds. One organized set of footsteps after. Coming to answer the door.

"Ken, you'll be fine." Arima kissed his hair, resolute in statement.

Kaneki held his hand even tighter as an answer.

The door in front opened with a full swing, the whole Quinckes Squad in tow. They wore an unreadable face as they stared at the investigator couple for almost a whole minute.

Saiko mumbled a small "get inside" and the door shut without further ado after they went in.

"Everyone, I---"

Arima released his hold when he had predicted their attack a tad bit earlier than Kaneki did.

"Sassan/Maman/Sasaki-san!" Saiko tackled his waist while Mutsuki settled for the normal hug. Shirazu did the final seal of their group hug. Kaneki, reluctant at first, returned their hug with equal enthusiasm and welcome. Shirazu tilted his head around slightly, calling Urie's attention with a cough.

"Uribo, are you going to keep acting cool or are you going to hug the love of your life?"

The said male did not budge, acknowledging the reaper's presence. Urie was considerate to some extent.

Arima waved his gaze off, a sign of approval.

Urie threw one last glance at him before joining them.

Haise loved each and everyone in his squad. Fortunately, in a way a parent loved his children. Although Urie had pined for his partner and perhaps is continuing to pine for him, there was no room for jealousy.

The corner of his lips raise up when his partner chuckled at something Shirazu said and slapped Urie's back after. Saiko and Mutsuki settle for a laugh and an additional jab. Urie glared at them, put off by them ganging up on him. Kaneki sneaked a grateful smile at his direction.

Haise was and is important to him. The thought of having him with someone else had caused him to act so possessively of him. For example, his lash out in Hokkaido. He had to chop off any excessive amount because it only resulted in discomfort and anguish for the other but as much as he regrets, he would have not stopped it from happening. The half-ghoul gained and retained everything he was trying to search for and with clarity, their bond was solid. They've based and finalized their relationship on trust. He was a fool for trying to think otherwise. 

* * *

They've settled in the lounge, the numbers equally distributed on either side of the table. Cups of coffee are laid out as well--courtesy of the Quinckes' mentor. The teenagers needed the caffeine if they wanted the full explanation from him and the reaper.

Kaneki held his breath one moment and released it in the next. "As you know, I'm not only Sasaki Haise now."

The group exchanged glances with one another except Arima who only maintained his stare at the younger. 

"I'm also Kaneki Ken.

The incident with Urie and what followed after with Arima was what kick started my desire to leave and," Kaneki refused to look at anyone. "To finally muster the courage to seek for answers. For the past few years as Haise, I yearned to learn who I really was, who were the people I saw in vivid dreams, where I came from, and how I ended up this way. Call me selfish but I wanted to remember so I could forget the pain from..." He trailed off. "What more could I lose, right?"

Arima squeezed his hand, apologetic in a sense. 

"I would like to sincerely and properly offer my sorry to all of you. I have been cold to you because that way, it wouldn't make a difference if I left any sooner." Kaneki silenced any incoming response with his hand. "I was afraid of getting anyone involved; it was better for all of you to have known nothing than to have known everything. That's what I thought.

I was wrong about that and the other. I _do_ still have something--- _someone_ to lose if I kept destroying myself. Arima told me that all of you convinced him to go after me. Thank you. I was being stupid and I only realized last minute that _all_ of you were still there for me. There are many things I would have wanted to redo and set right for you all but," He looks back at his reflection with the remaining coffee in his cup. "I can't. If I could, I won't. There are other people who are waiting for me. People who need me. Things to set right. Goals that can't be accomplished if I stay." Eyes that were transfixed on the coffee look up, meeting the sight of Mutsuki, Urie and Saiko.

Yonebayashi repressed her tears, grinning even with snot dripping off her nose. Mutsuki was a milder case; with eyes forced shut and a sappy expression. Urie smiled the slightest, charcoal eyes filled with emotion. Ineffable and new. 

But oh so reassuring.

"We had an inkling that this was going to happen." A gruffly soft response from Shirazu who was seated at his left. Kaneki turned to face him. "The chateau won't be the same without you Sassan. We won't be the same without you but I bet that this-- what you're going to do-- will make a difference. Kinda 'urts that we won't be there to help." He awkwardly coughs, giving serious statements wasn't really his feat, Kaneki amusedly notes.

"We're, uhm, still your family whatever name you go by. Just try not to go all suicidal or batshit crazy..." Shirazu flashes his shark teeth with a reassuring grin. _"Kaneki."_

"...Really." He felt an uncontrollable burn at the corners of his eyes at that confession. Lips slowly revealed teeth, the smile honest and gratuitous. They rest their hands on his, save Arima who watched the entire exchange and nothing else. This was about Haise and them, the history they shared. Regardless, he had no words to speak aloud for.

His voice was stuck when he found his partner imbued with pure joy and relief. Everything he felt for his squad rawly exposed with those eyes alone. Haise was arresting on his point of view. Not that he hadn't been at all but seeing him with a hidden aura of complete determination and the promise to protect those important to him stirs a side of admiration from Arima. 

His squad reflects it just as much as he had.

A hidden smile or two, smoothly worn on him as he drinks the coffee in sips.

* * *

"So," Fura stared at him pointedly, nursing a glass of lemonade. "Where is Kane--Sasaki--I mean, Kaneki right now?" 

"Haise is spending the remainder of the day with his squad." Mirth swims in his grey eyes, clearly amused to see his friend mutter under his breath of how confusing the names were. "You can call him whatever you like Taishi. Ken won't take it against you."

"Then why do _you_ keep switching up between his names?" Fura retorted exasperatingly. 

"Proof that I love him equally, no matter the name he goes by." Arima earns a not so subtle eye-roll from his friend.

"Arima Kishou, a romantic sap?" An exaggerated gasp from Tenri. "It must be the end of the world!"

This prompts attention from other customers in the cafe. Tenri only rubs his head sheepishly, a grin.

"Tone it down." Arima reprimanded, despite smiling himself.

"You're serious about Sasaki, right?" Hirako started slowly.

Arima took one moment, registering his real point. It was blatantly obvious that he was a lost cause, deeply infatuated with the half-ghoul. However, this was Take, meaning that if he asked a question similar to this, the interpretation was, 'Are you prepared to stay with him even if much difficulty was met in the future?' Arima assumed he knew the risks of being involved with a dangerous one eyed ghoul but it only posed more of when Haise had regained what he had lost. His memories. The CCG liked to keep 'monsters' in subjugation. Ken broke out of that circle. They have most likely started their suspicions already, with the amount of inactivity Sasaki Haise had been accumulating with him.

"I am prepared to take rid of the obscurities, even if it involves the CCG." Arima pressed his lips in a stern line, all but doubt in his face. The shinigami had answered with grave seriousness.

"You're," Akira narrowed her eyes, realizing the implication of his words. "Planning to leave with him." 

The other option would be to remain, creating the plausible possibility of having him surrendering Ken to the CCG when their suspicions are more than confirmed. He would never, ever leave him with those manipulative higher ups; the Washuu clan included. The CCG may have done their part with taking him under their wing, providing funds and raising him. But. It was only if the end result was a killing machine they could control. Leaving was much safer than staying, no matter what lay ahead. 

Arima affirmed it with a nod.

"Please take care of him." Akira requested. "I won't forgive you if he gets hurt."

This was the first time First Class Mado had threatened him. She had truly cared for Haise back then and even now. "I will."

"How about your grandmother?" Fura voiced.

"She will come with us. Haise and I will take care of her." There was risk in either leaving her or taking her. Arima couldn't stand the thought of making her involved with soon-to-be traitors of the CCG but he wanted to watch over her. This would come to the attention of the Aogiri that he had a blood relative, someone they could use as leverage against him. If he left her alone, it would be the CCG who'd use her. He balled his hands into fists.

The better option was to take her with them.

"Obaa-san will understand." Hirako patted his back. 

It didn't help that taking her meant destroying the peaceful life she's been living. 

"Plus, she would definitely like to stay with cutie." Tenri added. "She wouldn't stop gushing over how lovely Haise-kun is over the phone which is true, mind you."

Arima loosened up at that, happily aware that his grandmother was fond of Haise with just one meeting. Haise had mentioned that he liked her too. Halfway drinking his glass of water, Tenri continued to banter.

"Obaa-san was like, 'Wow, his body's something else. Versatile but masculine, I would definitely tap that fine piece of butt.'."

Arima gagged on his drink and spilled some water in turn: a reaction only elicited when his grandmother would provide second hand embarrassment. Ken has worn his old clothes that night meaning that she had seen Ken in nude from changing. He clears his mildly irritated throat and proceeded to soundlessly pat dry the damp spots of his clothes with a handkerchief. Arima prayed mentally for the burn in his cheeks to dissipate.

Akira was the first to laugh, followed by Tenri (that conniving little--), Fura and Hirako. Hirako surprisingly had the loudest laugh. His cheeks uncharacteristically burned more. He silently thanked to no one in particular that his crossbreed wasn't here to witness the small spectacle of Arima Kishou lamely choking on a glass of water. Any time by now he would expect the cafe workers to usher them out for being the source of noise disturbance. 

Arima sobered up at the thought that this may not happen ever again. It would be a great danger to them if they were caught affiliating with a defector. If they could, it would still be months later that they can have this, a chat over drinks. "Kazuo."

"What?"

"Leaving would mean an open leader position of Squad Zero. As per se, the next highest in rank will take charge."

Tenri rubbed his temples. "There goes my sexy fun times."

"Just because you'll be a squad leader?" Fura scoffed.

"No, because I'll be the squad leader of _the_ Squad Zero." The casanova emphasized. "You know how much busy shit we have to go through? Don't even get me started at Squad Leader."

"But you were second in command." Akira deadpanned.

"It was fine because Arima the so called unfairness of God took care of all the hard stuff." Tenri sighed. "If I'll become leader, I won't have any time to bang someone. The shittiest job one could get I swear." 

Hirako tapped on his shoulder, calling attention to the poor soul. If looks could kill, Tenri would be long dead by Arima's icy stare. He mildly shivered in fear, an uneasy smile. "Uh-- it's not that bad, on second thought. Just, it will take time to get used to that position."

At that, Arima had lost the irritation in his features. "You'll be alright, Kazuo. Squad Zero will be just fine in your hands."

Tenri took a meaningful quip from this. Arima Kishou had trusted him with his position. With the squad. It was now his. 

"Good luck, you will be scrutinized by the CCG after taking the Reaper's position." Hirako wasn't helping to his list of concerns.

"I feel sorry for you." Tenri felt worse because Fura's sympathy was genuine.

Akira had kindly patted him on the back before shooting Arima a curious glance. There was nothing odd with him sharing the smallest of smiles but there was just something that was etched in his expression.

Plain relief? No, he wasn't as simple in thought. Gratitude? Perhaps but it hadn't hit the mark. Contentment? It was the closest word she can associate with him right now.

Arima's still as aloof and anti-social as ever; he's hard to read and understand most of the time. However, at times when he would quirk his lips up and loosened just the slightest, she knew he had been glad to have been with them. Sasaki, rather, Kaneki had changed him for the better.

* * *

 

The lamp post dimly lit the corner of the road on the way to Chateau, causing the small group to tread carefully. In order not to trip on anything. Although, this didn't server as a dampener for the comfortable mood hanging around them.

"Maman, I never knew you were _that_ talented at shooting games!" Saiko praised, hooking her arm around his. "What's your secret?"

"Well, my best friend was an avid game fan like you. Unfortunately, I was dragged into playing." Kaneki cringed, recalling how serious Hide had been at teaching him. He wanted to win the multiplayer tournament so badly.

"Your singing voice is amazing. Did you take voice lessons, Sasaki-san?" 

Kaneki smiled at the greenette. "No, I didn't. I lived with a group before in an apartment. They had a karaoke machine and I wanted to impress a girl who was akin to a younger sister so I kept practicing when I had the time." Hinami had been so delighted to hear him sing Seasons Dying After Another. 

"You're," Urie gave him a tight lipped smile. "Skilled at art."

"A hobby I had as Kaneki Ken." 

A friendly arm wrapped around his shoulders. Shirazu snickered. "You're terrible at basketball though."

His skill in dribbling was nonexistent, his shooting form was ungraceful and his comprehension of the game?

Poor.

So maybe he was terrible. Kaneki glanced at them, their expressions in silent but shared agreement with Shirazu.

Kaneki was far more than terrible at the game, it seemed.

"Books were in my range of interests, not sports." Kaneki defended. 

"Then how did you uh, you know," Shirazu made these amusing gestures. "Get fit?"

"I was trained by the people who took me in despite," Kaneki paused. "My circumstances. And then, self-trained."

 _After the torture,_ he thought darkly.

Kaneki shook his head minutely, proceeding with a lighter trail of thought. He recalled having heaps of literary material strewn across the apartment's basement studio. Kaneki would read, study the principles and directions, and execute. "With the help of reading books."

"Uwah," Shirazu looked like he tasted something sour. "A total book nerd."

Saiko nodded vigorously, Mutsuki had a vaguely baffled smile and Urie... He was being himself. They had been spending the day on places each individual preferred: Urie chose the art kiosk, Shirazu liked the public basketball court, Saiko wanted the arcade, Mutsuki requested for the karaoke. At each destination, they were able to learn more about him in small narrations while he was able to learn more about them through what activities they liked.

Kaneki was more than aware that he had been smiling an awful lot as of these days. He was elated to be around the people he cared for. They've been considerate and patient; Kaneki felt like he owed them a vital story. His lonely childhood. He wasn't able to tell this to anyone aside Hide, Rize and Arima--whom he told days prior-- to know in full detail.

"It's important to me." Kaneki muttered as he walked. Their ears catch wind of the softly spoken statement.

"Literature?" Mutsuki responded as lowly as he did, careful at prodding the topic.

"Mhm." Kaneki answered. "There was a room full of books in the place where me and my mother lived. It was my father's workplace. I couldn't remember my father, he died when I was just four. However, the books father left me had a personal hand in telling me just what type of man he was. Reading had been my favorite past time for when my mother worked, which was always."

Kaneki heaved a breath.

"It had helped me too with the physical abuse. My mother was kind and loving, just that she had been too accommodating to my aunt. She was stressed because of work and the funding and had used me as an outlet." Kaneki had no tears to shed, he's already done that when he told Arima. "Books made me escape reality. I wanted to avoid seeing what I didn't want to see. Okaa-san died later on due to overwork."

"Oh." Was the only word Shirazu managed to elicit. 

"My best friend was there for me, so it wasn't as bad."

"His name, Maman?" Saiko asked.

"I... can't tell you that. It's not that I don't trust any of you but the CCG may try to force answers from people involved with me. It's bound to happen after I leave. There's too much risk."

Saiko deflated but held a face of understanding. "Alright."

Kaneki apologetically rubbed her head. "This is for your safety."

An appropriate time for silence and then Urie intervened. "There must be another reason why books are so significant to you."

"There is." The Chateau was within his horizon of sight. He paced himself even slower. "It had been one of the factors that changed my fate. A reason for my... ghoul half. You see, there was this cafe I frequented. In there, there was a girl who caught my attention. She was lovely, alluring; she would be the type men would fall for at first sight. But that wasn't the main reason I was enamored by her."

"She was an avid reader. Like you." Urie guessed with an unreadable tone.

"Yes. Although I grew a crush on her, I couldn't muster the courage to approach her. One day, she caught me observing her as she read. That's how we started off and miraculously, I landed a date with her. Everything went great, we were compatible at personality and interest despite how far she was too good for me. She asked me to walk her home and I foolishly said yes. The next thing I knew, there was blood spilling everywhere. My blood."

Mutsuki responded in awe and horror. "She was a ghoul."

Kaneki took a moment to steady himself. "The moment I neared death at a construction site, steel beams fell on her. I was brought to the hospital with no hope aside from an organ transplant. I was told that my replaced parts were transplanted from her body."

Shirazu faintly looked green despite the night's shade. "Is the moral of the story you're trying to tell is not to ever date a stranger Sassan? Because you're doing a good job so far."

Chateau was meters away now. Kaneki wore a wry smile. "The doctor who performed the surgery was not the sanest. It turned out that I was patient zero in his ghoulification experiment. His prototype."

The looks his squad wore was downright murderous. He thinks Shirazu flashed his kakugan for a second. "Where is he now?"

"I'll kill him myself." Kaneki responded with contempt at the thought of Kanou. "Rest assured."

Their looks softened, even Urie's, with emotions akin to--

"I don't need any of your pity. I told you because you deserved to know." Kaneki irritatedly said.

"But--" Saiko started.

"I wasn't finished." Kaneki cutted her off, regretting it almost immediately with her perceptible wince. He furrowed his brows, ire gone. "Sorry. It's just, you've all had terrible things happen to you. You've had people you've lost and been separated from. I don't want to be pitied when you've all experienced terrible things too. I only want to be understood."

Saiko only answered with a tight embrace.

They stopped at the doorstep of Chateau. An air of heaviness. Shirazu fumbles for the keys, his squad not looking at him or at another. 

"Sasaki-san, we have something to give you." Mutsuki answered before any questions would pop in his head.

Shirazu opened the door with success. "Since you can't move everything out of your room and bring all of it with you..."

Kaneki had been sullen to have chosen only a few of his belongings to retain. The decision was logical and smart, if he didn't want the investigators to find out the involvement or knowledge of the Quinckes at his betrayal. They would come and search for any possible liability of his squad. A mass moving of his things would have done exactly the trick so little to bring it was, he thought but was aggravated. His achievements, clothes, and banana posters, he could let go(reluctant at the last bit). The books Kishou had given him however, meant a lot. He technically had half the bookshelf reserved for those but Arima had coaxed him to pick four with the promise that he would buy more for him in return earlier today.

"We want to give you a memento." He knew Saiko was smiling despite that he faced her back. 

"Wait for us." There's a softer quality to the usually edged voice to Urie. Kaneki admits to liking it.

"Okay." Kaneki watches them disappear into the residence.

The files that were in his hand weeks ago had been disposed of, leaving no trace of what he was trying to discover and severing possible involvement to people in the CCG. Besides the four books, he had chosen to bring his yukata(from his date with Kishou), his other quinque and his CCG attire. For his last mission wearing the investigator coat.

Kaneki had already decided to save Arata and Amon knowing the high risks. Arima would aid him, his approval was hard fought--they had argued for hours-- the reaper was just terribly concerned for him. Kaneki had to, sort of, snap at him. Kaneki knew that Arima knew the two were good men worth saving but he had been wrong to think of the half-ghoul as a damsel in distress. Well maybe he was in distress, just certainly not a damsel. Arima had approached him with his favorite coffee in tow and an offer of massage the next morning. It was a first to see the stoic man desperate for his apology. Then again, Kaneki wasn't the easiest to ease when angered. A buzz from his pocket. He slipped into the compartment and extracted his phone from there. 

**2 Messages from My Precious Oldman**

He still can't help but snicker. It was Tenri's suggestion to irk Arima with this if ever he checked his phone. Not that he looked like an old man; he was probably staying with his 'power' of eternal youth. Kaneki just enjoyed seeing him deeply unsettled with the strange endearment. He presses the option to read his texts.

**Will be there 5 minutes from now. Say your proper goodbyes.**

**Did you enjoy your time with them? I hope you did. They love you Haise, be certain that the mutual feelings are conveyed before you go.**

Kaneki had quirked his lips up, ironic since he was saddened by how much time he had left. He can hear their padded steps nearing so he furiously types a reply.

**Of course Kishou, I will. Did you say your goodbyes to Akira-san and the rest?**

Kaneki pressed the send button, just in liu with the squad appearing back again. Each of them with carrying something.

**I did.**

He blinks for an apparent moment when Shirazu suddenly thrusts his arms, his hand unfurled to reveal a cord that only had one tooth hanging on it. "As a kid, I had to pull out an extra growing tooth so I kept it to remind myself that I manned up. Haru--" There was a pause, an unusual darkened look on Shirazu's face until he continued. "She thought it was silly but just kind of how you like books, it's important to me."

"She must've thought of you as silly, Ginshi." 

Shirazu was surprised, flushed on the cheeks since he had used his first name but was not perturbed by it. Instead, a grin broke out. "Yeah. She really did."

Kaneki carefully extracted the item from his hand. "I'll make sure it doesn't rot or anything."

"I coated it so it'll be fine." replied Shirazu.

Haru was Shirazu's younger sister who fell victim to the RC tumor. Shirazu joined the CCG and the Quinckes program in order to fund his sister's hospital bills. Kaneki would make sure they would inherit the money he'd leave for them.

They don't have to know he's slightly tinkered with their accounts now (they'd find out soon enough). Through very unconventional methods. The CCG won't ever know, he asked help from Tenri after all.

"Mine's my favorite PSP." Yonebayashi shook, her smile straining. 

"Saiko, you don't need to." Kaneki chortled. He knew how much game-related devices meant to the NEET. 

"It's okay." She says, much much firmer, handing to him a box. "The charger and any given extensions are there so if you miss playing with us, you use that."

Kaneki ruffled her head using his free hand. "I'm so proud of you growing up just as your age prescribes you to do."

Yonebayashi was the oldest in the house if Kaneki was left out. 

She pouts. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Not that he had to remind her.

"I," Mutsuki visibly straightened, unfolding the small articles on his hands. They had been red leather gloves. "Bought this last Christmas. No particular reason, I thought it looked nice when worn but," He sighs in a resigned manner. "It didn't suit me. Still, I preserved it and cared for the state of this pair of gloves, somehow hoping to give this to a person who would look nice with this."

Kaneki received the gloves, curiously peeking inside the hem of one to see his initials. Kaneki looked to Mutsuki for an answer.

"I hurriedly cut and sewed your initials inside earlier. K.K on your right fold for Kaneki Ken, S.H on your left fold for Sasaki Haise. I wanted to respect the fact that you're both, Kaneki-san."

"That's very creative of you, Tooru. I'll be sure to use this." Kaneki appreciatively patted him on the shoulder.

"Put it to good use." Mutsuki smiled in reply.

Urie had fixed Kaneki with an unreadable stare and slowly started out. "Since the day you stayed with the Special Class, I sketched on the empty pages of my art book."

The almost ravenette eyed at the black sketchbook Urie held. "Drawings of a cup of coffee, round glasses, covers of Takatsuki Sen's series, your--"

Shirazu held up his hands, disturbed. "Uribo, I'm not sure whether to be awed or creeped out by how much detail you've paid attention to--"

"Your face when you smile." Urie continued, a vein popping in his head however. "Your figure when you train with us."

"Okay I think this is going a bit--" Saiko finally interjected.

"A drawing with you and your squad. The Quinckes Squad." Urie finished. A statement less creepier than what he said. It was rather touching. "There's plenty more. You can check the sketchbook later."

Kaneki hated to admit the flush in his cheeks. The younger brat had said all these things with a straight face despite the almost confession implied. He cleared his throat, focusing on his main point. God, the ability to be able to blush easily as Haise was hard to remove.

What Urie probably meant was: If you miss us, just skim through the sketchbook.

"Thank you Kuki. To all of you, thank you." Kaneki took the last item, smiling pleasantly at them. Kaneki couldn't do much with his hands full but raised his arms awaiting for their embrace.

They do hold him, tightly, reassuringly, and kindly. Like he was family. 

Kaneki could hear the tires screeching from a distance, the familiar sound of Kishou's vehicle. So, he says what he wants to say to them.

"Ginshi, I trust you to lead the squad well and always unify them when there is dispute. Wake Saiko up in time always with the bribe of food but watch over her diet. See to it that Tooru will continue to learn dagger handling under Juuzou and make sure to reprimand Kuki if he's being a brat. Your combat skills are great but never lose your guard."

"Understood." Shirazu grinned.

"Saiko-chan, prevent yourself from hibernating in the room all the time and do not cower when you or the rest are backed in a corner. Fight and utilize your kagune. It's one of the strongest."

"I will Maman." She is resolute in response.

"Tooru, disregard those investigators who will judge. Continue to improve. You have potential to excel past them. Control Kuki's tantrums with Ginshi please. Improve your stamina, it's vital and never lose confidence in yourself."

"If you believe and expect that much from me, Sasaki-san, I'll do my best." Sometimes, Tooru was more man than most he's known in CCG. With those eyes that sharpened like daggers.

"Kuki, be the pillar for the squad. Think of them too. You can do so much more in battle, I know. The promotion for you and the squad is coming within weeks, make sure to help maintain and even raise the status and standards. You're a genius, you'll figure it out."

Urie intensely gazed at him before nodding. "...Got it."

With that, Kaneki breaks out in another beam, shutting his eyes for one moment. "I'll miss you guys. I love you all."

Car lights glare at their figures from behind.

Even without a verbal response, he knows they feel the same way. Kaneki kissed Shirazu on the forehead head, Mutsuki on the nose, Yonebayashi on her hair, Urie on his cheek. 

"I'll see you again. All of you, I promise."

They were all dripping snot and tears now, save Urie who resisted the tears but even he couldn't hide the glassiness of his eyes and the tightness of how he wrenched his lips together. Kaneki slips tears too, but smiles brightly. "Good bye." He makes one of the most excruciating turns of his life, back retreating away from them and returning to his waiting partner. Arima showed a rare smile at his squad, his version of farewell. Kaneki's guided into the passenger seat. He doesn't look at Arima who started back the engine but continued to look at the direction his squad was. Arima would understand that he had his unbridled attention but this was his squad. Surely he would.

Kaneki continued looking at the direction his squad was in, until he could see them no more. A part of him, Haise, had wanted to stay. Yet. This was Kaneki _and_ Sasaki's decision. Arima had been mindful of his space, conveying his concern without speaking. When the reaper had the chance at every stop, he put a comforting hand on his or wiped his tears with the brush of his thumb. It was nice. Kaneki found enough strength to squeeze back in return.

* * *

  
"Ahh, they really left." Shirazu would've sounded casual if not for the hoarseness of his voice.

"He'll come and see us again." Mutsuki reminded. "He doesn't have a reason to lie to us. I have faith in him."

A hic escaped from Yonebayashi but she strongly stared past her tears. "Maman has Papan, he'll be fine."

"You're right." Urie responded, quiet in saying so. He fishes for the handkerchief in his pants.

The squad peers over him curiously.

"Uribo, are you crying?" Shirazu innocently asked, which was not very often, given his character.

"...I'm not."

A devious smirk makes way in Yonebayashi's face. "What's this? Urie Kuki crying."

Urie doesn't take the bait at first so Yonebayashi tries again. "Why else is your voice bordering on low and you have a handkerchief to wipe your face?"

"...I'm not." He repeats much, much firmer.

Mutsuki tries to make the situation lighter. "Urie-kun, it's normal. Sasaki-san is important to us so--"

"There's dust stuck in my eye, that's all."

The three laugh in unison, taken aback that the most intelligent among them defends his pride with a reason as unintelligent as that.

"Uribo," Shirazu wheezed. "Was that the only excuse you could think up of?"

"Shut up." Urie retorted, annoyed by them. He enters inside the Chateau first, unable to bear the obnoxious laughter. Urie still loved Haise but when he saw him today, the way he carried himself, more confident, more stronger and most definitely more exquisite, he found himself a little too attracted to him as Kaneki Ken as well. Fuck. He raked through his hair. There was something wrong with him.

Kaneki had already belonged to Arima (yet again) and he had officially left the Chateau. He had terrible luck in preference. He would've wanted to talk to him more, explore that side of him more but, he would think, it was enough. Seeing him with an unrestrained smile, with a side and story he confided in them... that was enough.

Urie ghosts over the cheek his mentor kissed. He was trusted to watch over the squad. He lurched slightly forward from a strong force. Shirazu slung a friendly arm around, Saiko and Mutsuki closed in. The preferable distance he wanted not noted at all. Somehow, there's a small smile that graces his face. Being stuck with them... that was enough too.

That smile turned upside down when they shove him to the kitchen to cook. Now that Sasaki was gone, he would most probably take the mother hen position, whether he wanted to or not.

Urie would take those words back and prayed that another person would come and save him from this group.

* * *

  
"Ken, let me help you."

"I'm fine with carrying these." Kaneki smiled. "Either way, the trip to the car trunk isn't a long one Kishou." He proved his point by striding towards the behind of the car.

They decided to keep what they needed in the car trunk. Tomorrow, they would visit re: cafe and the CCG Labs. A hand easily slipped in his. Arima guided him into his house, all the while murmuring. "You're quick."

"When I still worked at Anteiku." A nostalgic lilt to his tone. "I would have to be quick with dislodging and lodging back up the packages of ingredients, ceramics and whatnot."

"It served you well."

"What did?"

"Working in Anteiku."

"Maybe on my part." The younger replied and sounded fragile. "For them, not so much. I got them involved and now, there's barely anything left of the cafe I loved."

"That blue haired waitress--"

"Her name's Kirishima Touka."

"Kirishima waited for you in another establishment I presumed she made after Anteiku." Arima hiked up slightly now that they were on the stair steps. "Re from the cafe re: in English is a suffix added to a word when it is associated to doing again, trying again and the like."

Kaneki hadn't followed with a verbal response, remaining quiet as he tried to follow the reaper's trail of thought.

"Re: could mean a reply to an original message in email." Arima turned with his pivot foot and proceeded to the last set of stairs. "The cafe waited. For your return, your response, they rebuilt Anteiku. Do you think they've regretted you being there?"

Kaneki contemplated and slowly, shook his head. "No."

"I don't and I didn't regret being with you either." Arima faced forward, his hand tightening as an assurance, not like a chain that would tie his partner down. "Haise you're beautiful."

Kaneki laughed. "I don't think I should take that as a compliment. Handsome would be better."

Arima smiled briefly, seriousness washing over after. "You wished to be stronger in order to protect, no matter the price. You put others' before yourself. Sometimes, you give excessively."

"That's because I'm afraid of being alone. I only want a place among the people I care for. My ulterior motive."

"Everyone has their own." 

"Even you?" A tinge of amusement.

"Especially me." Arima played along, tugging him close.

"May I ask," Kaneki craned his neck just to see the older's face. He cupped his cheek dearly. "What that ulterior motive of yours is?"

"Having you make me coffee every morning." 

"Mission accomplished." He faked an unimpressed look. The redness of his face gave the look away. 

 _"It is the time you spend on your rose that makes your rose so important."_ Arima quoted. 

"The Little Prince." His delighted crossbreed answered. "Does this make me your rose then?'

"Only if you wish to be."

Kaneki pinched his nose unsympathetically. 

"You are." Arima tried his very best to pour his sincerity, the nasally voice and all. "Always."

Kaneki pecked on his red nose, smiling yet again. He whispered softly, "Y _ou become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed,_ was it? _"_

Arima experimentally pressed a thumb against his jaw, rubbing delicately. "May I?"

"Only if you wish to." Kaneki sassed back, a laugh threatening to slip his lips.

He takes in his partner's trust with the way Haise slowly closed his eyes, lips shut but smile present. Arima curled his hand around his neck, bending down to meet those sakura pink lips. 

_You’re responsible for your rose._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha it's so fluffy here compared to what's happening now on the tg chapters ;-;. Stay strong arikane/arisasa peeps. We're in this hell together.  
> P.S I didnt particularly hate Torso but after the recent updates by ishida, I swear to rip Torso's balls out myself. Sorry for the crude note.


End file.
